Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

@LillyR - The Wedding Buddies

  • Yeah, so had to reset my progress LOL

  • Ahaha, did you really give me a choice to hear reasons? Okay hun…

  • You know, I still don’t think you need to explain all that, but anyway I’m really tempted to comment about not liking a certain feature so that you spend 4 days obsessing over someone’s eyebrows :wink: (wow, we should not be friends, it makes reviewing hard)

  • Geez, ok, way to put the pressure on choices!

  • I nearly pissed myself at that second line of the intro

  • Those little quick zooms were a nice touch.

  • So what are their ages when they run into each other? Oliver has facial hair, so they can’t be that young…?

  • Bruh, that background character in the wheelchair? Noice.

  • You know… I really like that scene with Hazel and the photo overlay and how you had their convo end on the same animations… But now I’m thinking who took that photo? and I would like some answers please!

  • Oooh, that fade. Bye Hazel!

  • The hell is mom wearing? (Oh, I see you went American for this story)

  • Threw all her stuff our :frowning:

  • Stella is really pretty and I find it distracting.

  • Forgot Elsie’s birthday? Ha! I mean… Aww :frowning:

  • Hmm, one of the background characters at the graduation party looked a lot like another one of your characters. Coincidence?

  • Ok, see the two background characters right behind Elsie? At some point, I think you should switch up their looping animations. Homegirl would have run out of drink in her cup by now for sure. Maybe make her the one to talk while Blondie listens for a bit?

  • Wren looks guilty AF

  • The follow me on instagram overlay was cut off a bit on my phone screen. Shift it a little lower? Or a lot lower for tablets… :confused:

  • Wow, they are really hung up on making her an emo, aren’t they?

  • … Elsie’s hair changed. Shouldn’t that be before the party?

  • “It was all passionate nights and obsessions with each other” Lol, you know what that sounds like? Me and bae :wink:

  • But wait, why is he telling her all this? Get a therapist, not an Elsie.

  • Omgggggg… Idk what to choose…

  • Pftt, 2:30 ain’t late. It’s technically early.

  • Aww, idk what to choose again!

  • Wow, mom is a savage.

  • Ok, I just laughed because Elsie lying on the floor in the kitchen is literally me… then I realised that she wasn’t supposed to be lying on the floor. Did you do a fade in? I find that when you fade in on a new scene, even if you’ve changed the spotting, the characters still do the animation they were preforming in the last scene. So you might need to add a AND ELSIE is idle to the line you have her spot placing on.

  • In the coffee queue, you might want to consider spotting Elsie’s speechbubbles. Oliver’s looks fine.

  • You named the barrister Ice? Lol

  • Next scene, I’d also suggest to spot direct Oliver’s speechbubbles

  • Ah damn. You little bitch! Updating while I was at the end of episode 2. Now I’m re-reading it and I picked “I think you’re awesome too” but I also think it’s the wrong choice, I just wanted to see both endings.

  • Huh, I stood up to mom this time too. Maybe re-reading aint so bad.

  • Oooh, found a typo by choosing a different answer. I chose “You could have called” and Elsie says “where” instead of “were”.

  • Again, I’d say to spot the speech bubbles for Dad when they’re talking about cheese. Just because the tail isn’t pointing to Dad.

  • There’s something about Wren… I think you’re foreshadowing something there.

  • Why would mom invite him to mingle with Stella? lmao

  • Have Elsie move forward a layer when she exits that scene so she doesn’t walk in front of mom while mom is tinker_looping

  • Girl, that’s not the champagne glass animations Wren’s doing, is it? Also, I’m jealous because I have an open ticket about those bloody props not showing up for nearly a month, but it works in your story :frowning:

  • “Only peasants wear sneakers” Haahaha, true.

  • Oh hell no! Oliver did not bring a date, did he?

  • Ok Piper. Shut up. (Also, maybe spot direct her speechbubbles too? Hers aren’t as noticeable as the others)

  • Oooh, I got credit :stuck_out_tongue: I thought I recognised my lousy cropping on that blanket lol

  • Oh my! Naked character glitch has hit me and damn, it’s good. Oliver isn’t wearing pants hahahaha

  • HAHAHAHAHA his butt is sooooo tight

  • Well, he’s a lousy wedding buddy at the Morgan’s Wedding. Honestly.

  • Oooh, Stella, Piper and Dad are all shirtless now too! This is too funny

  • Aw, my heart just broke a little when he called Piper the most beautiful woman in the world.

  • Lol, did Ollie and Piper not talk religion before they got engaged? Idiots.

  • Da fuq? What makes Stella think Elsie can plan the wedding?

  • Oh because she’s got nothing to do and is unemployed? Of course Stella, that makes sense hahahah

  • Ok, is Oliver really grilling Elsie about knowing he didn’t believe in God? Hellllooooo Oliver! It’s not her fault you didn’t tell your fiance the truth!

Not sure what else to really add here. I can’t fault your directing. My only issue was the default speechbubble positions really. But I think this is a great first attempt at romance and all facial features are fine, so DON’T SPEND FOUR HOURS changing something, ok?

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Hi! Would you be interested in reviewing my first story ever? It’s called New Life Abroad and here’s the link to it:

Thank you! :slight_smile:

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thankyou so much, this really helps me improve it. I’ll probably end up going through them all and jazzing them up tbh. Thanks again and don’t worry, it doesn’t matter it’s late at all, I’m always late with everything lmao :heart:

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Awesome! That’s great to hear. Thanks for being so understanding! Tbh, everyone is pretty patient on my thread so idk why I always worry that someone will express their annoyance with my slow pace hahaha. But still, thank you anyway :kissing:

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Here’s mine! Can’t wait to hear your opinion! :smile:
Title: Catching Coal
Author: Tal Gordin
Style: Limelight
Chapters: 26
Status: Ongoing
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5604201600778240
Genre: Fantasy, Action, Drama, Adventure, Romance
Official Description: Coal lives her normal, perfect life until she discovers that she’s being hunted. But how can someone kill a girl who always comes back to life?
Secondary Description: Coal Carter is not entirely human, but she doesn’t know that. Arden Adams is the son of an important general in a society that wants her dead. When the moment of truth comes, Arden decides to help Coal escape the society’s clutches, but not without a cost. Now Arden and Coal are on the run, trying to stay alive. Can Coal find out the truth about herself and her family? And what does Arden’s father have to do with all of this?
Customization: Yes
Art Scenes: In chapters 1, 3, 4, 18, 19, 22, 25 and the upcoming 27! (revamping and adding art scenes every 1-3 chapters).
Instagram: @talgordin.writes

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@MKiara - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

  • Your first line… With the text effects. Wow. I mean, I knew it was possible, but I never thought I’d see someone be bothered enough to change each letter hahaha. It looks awesome!

  • Just noticed the background too, you jazzed up a regular episode one. Looks nice.

  • When Kiara gets up off the floor, maybe move the camera earlier so we see her transition to standing.

  • Ooooh your CC has me intrigued… It’s making me think you have plans in terms of changing Kiara to suit different scenarios (does that make sense?)

  • Omigosh!!! @CinnamonToast is gonna be so happy when she logs back into forums and sees this. You used the train backgrounds :heart_eyes: They were my fave too.

  • I love Samantha and agree with everything she’s saying regarding the merging of schools

  • Minor detail, but your podium overlay is just slightly off.

  • Episode 1 did a great job at setting the scene. My only critique would be that I wanted to see a bit more of Willow’s personality. I felt like the we saw more of the others and less of Willow.

  • What does slice of life mean anyway?

  • I liked how you slipped the CC in then, but I don’t understand what you mean by your readerMessage?

  • Awww, now that was a cute save-the-day moment. Hate

  • Ahahaha, check the cameras? Lol, that sucks for Kiara.

  • Omg that crawl was so good :ok_hand:

  • I notice the wrong your/you’re being used. It should have been “You’re my responsibility”.

  • Oooh brothers? Scandalous!

  • I have just been noticing there’s a few commas missing where they should be. I haven’t been picking them all out because they’re scattered. They don’t really make it hard to follow though, but if you want it to be perfect, maybe a proof reader could scan through your script and add them in?

  • Samantha and the comment about balls is hilarious. She’s my spirit animal.

  • I like how each girl actually has a school bag haha

  • Awww Sooyoung’s got her boyfriend there now, good for her.

  • Damn, her friends are subtle. NOT. It’s actually so realistic though.

  • I know what Pocky is heheeheh. Got them here in Straya too.

  • Ok, now what was that ending to episode 3?! :eyes: I feel like something unexpected is about to unfold.

  • At some point you might want to get rid of that blush overlay.

  • Sooyoung encouraging this flirtationship came as a surprise lol.

  • I think I saw a typo (I tapped a bit too fast haha) “nervuus” instead of “nervous” in the choice.

  • That zoom in on the collar lets me know exactly why you named it kinky red.

  • I actually had a really hard time deciding what to wear AHAHA

  • Noooooo don’t end it there. That foreshadowing is terrible. Like, it’s good in terms of your story, but terrible for me as a reader. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE??!?!!!1?!

  • Author note :cry: Also, you misspelled “forums” in your author note.
    Side note: You are really pretty.

Sorry, I feel like I didn’t write very much, I liked it and I tend to not write many points when I like stories lol, so that’s actually a good thing. I think the only thing that you might want to work on it the grammar that I mentioned earlier. It’s not a massive deal though since it was just commas that I mostly noticed were missing.

I know you said this, but I also know that you just revamped it, so idk if you still want me to say anything… I’m going to anyway though… It could be a case of having more choices. I noticed that you didn’t have many that felt very important. You don’t have to have choices that change the plot of anything, but a choice to be nervous or anxious is basically the same thing. If you want to make a reader feel connected to a character, try giving choices that give the illusion of being more important than they actually are. I don’t think your story was lacking this to the point of readers not wanting to continue, I just think that this could be a more guaranteed way of getting them to continue… Does that make sense?

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I would live for a chance to be reviewed by you. I have no problem waiting, Ive already waited long enough.

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Hey! I would love if you could review my story! :slight_smile:

This is mine:
Title: A dangerous game (Limelight,CC)
Author: Shanen Ricci
Style: Limelight
Genre: Romance/Fantasy
Chapters: 4 ( a lot will be soon coming haha)
Synopsis: Elena went against the man known as “The Devil himself”. He is cursed. Only her love can save or destroy him. Will she be able to resist his charm or will she lost her soul to him?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5234872128438272
Cover:

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1549747223612.JPEG1410×2250 431 KB

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OMG I’m so happy you did all the episodes for this review :see_no_evil:
You know I forgot I could make choices on reactions, I am definitely going to add more of those now! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
THANK YOU SO MUCH for the great feedback and criticisms! I lot of your reactions had me cracking up :laughing:
I wanted the story to be a little different than others One of the girls ~ godsend of unique stories. And reading your review makes me feel like I did that a little at least.
And I’m really glad you enjoyed it! I’ve gotten a lot of helpful advice and reviews so I will definitely make sure to make some changes!
I cannot say thank you enough for the review it really made my day and I am so honored that you were able to review my story :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::see_no_evil::purple_heart::heart_eyes:

Some other notes :blush:
  • For the CC I originally just didn’t want any makeup options but I used the wrong template lol. Some complained about it.
  • YES, the train was so cute I can’t wait to use her other backgrounds!!
  • It’s funny that I get to see so many different people tell me who their favorite girl is. On ig it’s Sooyoung but on the forums, it’s Samantha :laughing:
  • I love how you said scandalous because there will be so many more moments like that in the story :laughing:
  • I love when characters have bags for school

  • Sooyoung is full of surprises, much like the other girls, there are different sides to them I can’t wait to explore.
  • I felt so guilty for leaving the episode like that but I also kind of loved that as a cliffhanger ending?

* I was originally going to post an episode earlier but life :sweat_smile:

  • But I plan on doing a double update and fixing mistakes for the first few episodes. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
  • LOL MY GRAMMER SUCKED GRAMMARY FAILED ME
  • I’m going to have to maybe get someone to proofread the episodes before the episode.
  • Awww thank you :see_no_evil::see_no_evil::see_no_evil:
Slice of Life genre

Slice of life stories are parallels of teen melodrama. It’s more realistic and you can maybe see the things that happen in the story, in your own life. There isn’t just one main plot in this story. Instead, you follow the lives of people, particularly high school students, in their daily life. I can’t say there won’t be some unrealistic moments in the show- as you saw in episode 3. But the slice of life genre can go back and forth on the line of realism. I think I’ve seen like rare stories that have this genre on Episode so I figured why not just make my own. There’s no gangs or crazy kidnappings in my story. Honestly, there’s no major major plot point. But big things will happen to the girls and readers will see how they deal with it and their own reactions. Much like real life we can’t always plan or be ready for some things. The story will mirror that in some way.

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This. Is. Everything :raised_hands:

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Lol, of course I did. I try to with everyone since- I just realised that writing all my reasons will end in a ramble, so I’ll refrain haha.
Oh great! You read my story. I was going to actually draw a comparison but it felt weird to name drop myself if you hadn’t read it haha. Anyway, I’m gonna do it now, because my first thoughts were that I was hoping it would be similar to mine but with all girls HAAHAHA. I see you obviously have a put more of a structured plot though, which is good. It’s going to hook readers.
I was also going to compliment you on your characterization, because even though I originally said I didn’t get enough of Willow’s personality in the first episode, you made up for it in the episodes following and I really feel like she’s the epitome of most people’s “moods”. Hahaha, but even the way Samantha has the ability to influence the rest of the gang, just suits the group dynamic. Idk if you do this stuff intentionally (if you’re like me you don’t and it’s all an accident that it ends up working perfectly), but it’s a very clever way to show instead of tell.

And ahhh slice of life, that makes sense! Though now hearing this, I’m curious as to how many episodes you have planned? :thinking:

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Ohhh sorry I had reviews read either only 1 or 3 so I wasn’t sure how it would go :sweat_smile:

  • Yes your story is very unique and funny!! I can’t wait for new updates!

I like to think it happened by accident lol. I had someone say they saw like no plot at all so I wasn’t sure if that would show :sweat_smile: I’m glad it did :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

AH We are the same. I wish I had done it intentionally but I’m glad that was able to show in the story.
I really enjoyed your story, I think it actually influenced me to make the story about friendship and these three girls. I originally had a very different story in mind..

I actually never thought about that :sweat_smile: I do know that I will end the story when the girls graduate high school. But I’m not sure how many episodes that would be.

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I just read this reply and was nodding along like “same, same, same”

Same to this ^ Both about my own story and now yours lol

Same to this ^

AWW :sleepy: I’m really touched, you have no idea

Same and same for my own story hahaha, are we twins?

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Cannot wait for updates girl!

It’s stories like yours that deserve more attention!! I would love to have characters like yours more in episode stories! I’m sure my characters would learn a lot from yours :joy:
Great minds think alike :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Hey hon

Just wondering if you had read the new episodes.

Would like to know what you think?

jlouise:::kissing_heart:

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Oh, sorry. No. I’ve fallen behind on everything. Eeeep. I’ll let you know when I catch up though

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:hugs::hugs::hugs:

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Hey Amberose, don’t apologize, you can take as long as you want to review. You already do so much. You put so much effort into this and give too much to others. And when people come in asking “have you checked out my latest episodes”, I try not to but I end up getting a little mad at this because it’s like come on, no, don’t, please don’t demand so much from such a helpful, kind soul, there’s only so much one human can do :v: :sparkling_heart:

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@asinedxo - The Playboy Diaries

Well, I’m not sure if you still wanted this because I never got a reply to my question, but I’m going to anyway because I want to read it anyway.

  • Your club scene looks so great and full! I love all the strippers haha, and the money overlay was awesome. Oh and the curtain closing too

  • Isn’t Victrola what it was called on Gossip Girl?

  • Wow, Idek how you did that with the spotlight overlay haha

  • Just something I notice, but with the crowd, I can tell you haven’t changed the outfits from the ones the portal generates when you use the randomizer tool… It would just look a little better to change it up.

  • You’re missing a word with this line “Maybe your interested my other future employees” - You’re missing the word “in”

  • Damn, you put so much effort into your elevator! Looks great

  • I didn’t think Ian would be the bath taking type :rofl:

  • Oooh that hand overlay as Ian’s writing. That’s a cool scene.

  • That comment about Bella being a probable long time crush? Man, I really felt that. I feel like everyone has one of those.

  • School tomorrow? How old are they?

  • Ahhhh Zara… I see you… I was wondering if it was one of them… But I was remembering the facial features and didn’t think any of them matched.

  • I love the messy, post-party apartment. Lots of details there that stand out. The bra hanging from the light :joy:

  • The flashback scene there was amazingly directed.

  • Is Zara supposed to be facing the other way when Ian’s talking to her?

  • Just be wary of your speechbubble position when zoomed in on Zara on the grass. I can read it fine, but tablet users might not be able to see it.

  • Going to school at 11?

  • Geez, Adam’s story sounded interesting hahaha

  • I love how you gave all your background characters varying uniforms by changing the shoes and jumpers, etc. That was a nice touch. There was one I saw only the side of that was wearing casual clothes though.

  • My face at “Translation: We used to hook up in junior year” was just a total jaw drop. The wink and everything just got me :joy:

  • Weird thing about me is that I looooovveeee looking at house floor plans, so that sceen of Zara mapping out points was perfection to me.

  • I’m kinda laughing at this observing every night montage. Ian’s dedicated, that’s for sure.

  • The phone call looked cool, I was going to ask how exactly you did it, but then I saw a minor difference between the overlays so I figured it out. The best part was of course when you revealed the money though.

  • “Apart from your mom” AHAHAHA :joy:

  • I love the girls outfits in this scene! To die for. It just seems to really suit their look too.

  • Adam and Bella… oh my

  • Wait, Bella and… Wait… omg… Wow, scandalous… I’m kind really invested in this whole dynamic though, because it’s like bigger and more complex than a love triangle, but it feels actually believable too. Does that make sense?

  • Do I want to kiss Zara? Well, of course!

  • Bella and Sara’s height difference looks a bit off to me. Is Zara standing on something?

  • AWWW Bella :sleepy:

  • Ah, ok. Nevermind. Zara leans down. The height thing makes sense.

  • I love how you had the DJ disappear like that.

  • One of the aution numbers had an extra zero. “7.2000”

  • I got to give props to Zara. She’s right. I agree with everything she has said throughout the auction.

  • Victrola now, Zara later? Oh he did not!

  • Wow, what’s going on? So many Victrola’s? Is he high or something?

  • Noooooooooooooooo Bella, no!!! (Love the swing in that chandelier though)

  • Well, that was a cruel cliff hanger!

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I did get more of a drama vibe than I did a romance one though… Maybe you might want to consider switching genres now that the contest is over? My one kind of hesistence lies within their ages. I think you could set it with college aged people and it would still be just as good, but of course if you’re going for more of that Gossip Girl type of story, then school age would be more scandalous anyway haha

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@WolfGamerGirl37 - College Days: A Mystical Beginning (Episode 4)

(Sorry, Im still not sure if you were asking for a review or you just wanted me to read, but since I got confused last time, I assume this is what you meant)

  • Well, as you know I don’t like author notes, but at least you guys kept it short

  • Fire Elemental is so hot ahah. Water and Earth look great too, but Fire is a stunner

  • Just watch out for having too many sentences in one line. It tends to feel like an information overload.

  • Aha, that was lucky Percy came along.

Aw, I’m so sorry. That was all I wrote down for episode 4. It was a lot shorter than your earlier episodes, but I can see you guys are getting the whole story set up, so it’s a solid effort.

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