@Alex_Af - Fantasitcal: Black Shadow
So this is kind of cool… You’re my first return customer I’ve been very intrigued as to what you’ve done this time, seeing as you’re saying all backgrounds are custom and you’ve got the whole trailer… Anyway, let’s get to it.
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Wow, what a strong opening. It gives me a dark themed vibe. I already knew this would be about pirates from the description, but your splashes really stick with the theme.
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I think you’ve skipped a word in one of the narration bubbles ("I did make great friends, fall in love and become one of the sea legends.
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I’m not a fan of having the narration bubble written in first person, but not having MC’s name above the bubble… but as I’m writing this I realize I don’t even know MC’s name, so maybe you’re actually on to something…
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I love that your BG characters look from a different time, because pirates are generally from centuries ago, so that’s good consistency.
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Ohhh, I was write about the name thing. But I would have liked you to add the name to the narration bubble once reader enters a name.
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This was a really great way to introduce CC.
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Very nice making the boat bob up and down. To make the characters work with it as well must have taken a lot of effort.
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OMG you have done a lot with your overlays! I can’t even!!! How did you even come up with these ideas? The shadows of the towns people with the torches! Just wow.
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Yes yes yes to that flying eagle. That was the one thing I wanted to see from the trailer.
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That canon scene?! @AMBEROSE is talk_confused_mindblown
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This is crazy good how much you’ve managed in such a short time. I know I’m reviewing this story and I’m only half way in ep1, but I have to say this is such a big improvement from FATE.
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You’ve really paid attention to details in this story, especially with your overlays. The eyes of the skull and the skull’s mouth in particular I notice.
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The scenes with the ship and moon remind me so much of Peter Pan.
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I knew there was something up with their skin tones!
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I like that most of Duncan’s team, don’t have display names. It gives them a ghosty vibe.
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Ok, so be careful with making the Duncan romance thing feel forced… I feel like when another character asks if you like someone, it’s sort of like “Oh, now I’m supposed to want this?” And I know this because I did the very same thing in my own story! I’m no good with romance, so I can’t offer tips. But making a character you’re supposed to hate as the love interest is quite tricky. And I’d say that talking him out of killing you and then watching him stare at his hands isn’t quite enough to make you start liking someone… even as a friend!
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I agree that yes, after learning his story, you would be intrigued, but not enough to LIKE LIKE him.
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Nice making that choice to hear the captain out matter. I wonder how hard it would have been to get the answer had I not listened.
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This trust choice is a major turning point. I just know this will effect my ending.
*Ohhhhhhhh I get it! (I’m talking about the riddle) At first I was like wtf it’s still gibberish to me, but after making the mistake, I get it now. -
Low key have a feeling Duncan’s going to turn on me. We’ll probably find treasure and the idiot will take it for himself and I’ll be hung.
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Wait, I was wrong! I don’t understand this riddle OMG
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Ok, I get it now.
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This story sort of reminds me of the featured story Confessions of a Teenage Detective (I think that’s what it was called), you have a totally different plot, but I don’t know, there’s just some kind of comparison I’m drawing here that I can’t quite put my finger on.
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The spears!
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I knew that sly dog would leave me behind!
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Your episodes are quite long actually!
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Again, with the Duncan relationship, to hear MC be like “after everything we’ve been through” is me feeling like it’s a bit forced. Seriously, he tries to kill me, I stared at him staring at his hands, then I literally killed him several times trying to get to the treasure… Home girl’s overreacting and should have seen this one coming, just like I did
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A little typo when the priest is telling his story. It should be “the king’s closest adviser”, but other than that… DUN DUN DUN! Plot twist!
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This is almost (key word: almost) more interesting than the actual story. It’s like some kind of juicy ancient royal gossip.
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There is one line where Jeronim is talking in the flashback, and you’ve got a double up on capital letters… ALese It’s where she’s already preggers if that helps you find it.
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Damn, she lost her baby weight pretty quick.
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Ok, so now his motive has been made clear. Nice work… Although the child being blamed for mother’s death thing is a bit of a cliche, but you’ve executed it well so I’m not going to worry about that.
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I like the fade in of the Dad coming back to give inspiration.
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I don’t like Duncan coming back in with his ship, but yet I also do like that he came back…? I like it because it’s all coming full circle and you know, happy ending and all, but don’t like it because it’s predictable and it would have been more funny to watch MC get robbed and backstabbed all because she fell in love with him.
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So confused at Duncan coming in and then leaving again… But I’m guessing that’s because I wasn’t pursuing him every time I was given a romantic choice?
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Hold up just a minute… Do not tell me that is the end…
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I’m sure you know how I feel about author notes by now. I understand it can be there so you can give credits, but like… ugh. I just hate that type of breaking the fourth wall and having not only the story end, but the illusion of the story end too.
So overall, really great directing. I can’t stress that enough. You did some pretty amazing things this time around. The relationship between Duncan and MC, I feel, could use some a bit more work. And the ending? Well, I really don’t know if you count that as an ending. I feel like you’ll continue it since you haven’t marked it as complete, so I guess I’ll leave my review open ended on that matter too?