@elliewrites.episode - One Day
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No, please please please please don’t start with an author note
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“Don’t get any ideas” - Hahahaha, too late! Side note: that was a smooth transition into CCing the love interest.
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Ok. So MC already looked similar to me and Jamey sorta looked like this guy I was best friends in love with in high school… And now in the car ride I’m like
If this turns out to be like my real life I will be quite surprised. -
Chanel entered at the wrong layer at first but then t corrected itself.
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Oh, um… That was a little short of an episode… I don’t think there was any choices either… Other than CC, which might have made it feel longer than it was. I like the alluding to where it’s heading though
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The author note at the beginning of episode 2 started with a strange zoom in, so I couldn’t see you.
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So… small thing… The zooms are all messed up until Evie starts talking to Jay
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I can honestly say… I’ve never thought the flirt_fingerbite animation has ever fitted a scene more than that one with Oliver. Please tell me they hook up! It would be the first teacherxstudent relationship I like
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So… Obvs Jamey is a love interest… I kinda thought Ben would be a crush, but not an option tbh, but what is Jay? I’m not sure.
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Episode 2 felt a little too short as well, but there was some good choices in it. I like the way you phrase your choices.
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Episode 3, I’m so sorry, but it was just too short again. I don’t have much to note down for it. I do still like the way you set out your choices though. Like, choices on how to react or how to respond help readers feel connected so I like that.
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Ok, episode 4 has caught my attention. I absolutely love the fact that Evie tries to sneak out to help a friend. I can’t tell you how much I love realism in Episode.
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Aww Jamey!
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With the choice of who to sit next to, you’ve use the wrong to/too when you say Ben is too irresistible
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I like Brooke. She’s redeemable and has depth.
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I couldn’t choose an outfit! They all looked too good hahaha.
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When Brooke runs away crying, she is at the wrong layer
I think you have a nice set up for a cute romance story and I think I am picking up on hints of more drama than first meets the eye, I just find the length a bit too short. If you think about what happens in each episode and list it out, it’s not really that much. My advice would be to merge a few of your episodes together - I did this once to my own story. It was a short story. I put the first half of episode 2 into end of episode 1, added more scenes to the end of episode 2 and then added 2 more endings to the third episode. If you wanted to try this, it would be a little harder for you as you have 5 episodes already, but if it’s something you’re worried about then it’s something worth doing. If length doesn’t bother you, then it was just those few layering issues you need to tweak and then you’re good to go 