@Marshmallow_O - Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane
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Look, no pressure but I have been specifically told good things about your story… Like people have gone out of their way to tell me about it so my expectations are a wee bit high
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Loved the intro. Nice amount of BG characters and it was a smooth transition to CC… A few default BG characters which triggered me a little, but anyway
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When MC says “You’re right. What would I do without you?” is the camera still supposed to be on Lia?
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This friendship dynamic is exactly like me in HS. I always third wheeled. LOL
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Little typo… When MC is rejecting the pizza offer, she says “…and I cant stand her up” - you are missing the apostrophe in “can’t”
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“Yeah, I’ll pass” - AWWW MC is so smart. Good girl. I approve
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Nice overlay use in the returning home scene
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I’m going to assume Chase’s intro scene is him taking dick pics but in a PG way… in which case, lol. I approve that too hahahaha
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MC changed her tune rather quick… I’m surprised Lia was the one that needed convincing.
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Just quietly… I knew it was gonna be Kaia the minute she showed up uninvited at Lia’s lol
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Lol awkward convo with Ash waking up hahaha
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Another little typo… Apostrophe missing again when Lia reads out her note “You wont find her until the game is won”
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I always wonder with stories like this… like, what would murderer have done if just one of them hadn’t shown up… Like if Kaia hadn’t shown up, what was the plan then? … Which then makes me think that Kaia is behind it. Hmmm
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That was such a satisfying length, nice job
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Ooh Kai’s backstory is quite interesting!
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You know… The way you set up that hallway thing was clever. I was there thinking it was a dead end and being like “right, what was the point of that hahah” but then it actually linked back and made sense, so nice job with that.
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I feel like the elevator looks in too good of condition to flow with the rest of the house, but that’s not important lol
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Damn, these kids are quite clever. I would not have thought that the elevator was actually a tactic…
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Those choices with Storm lol. I really wanted to pick “sex?” but I wanted to test out one of your “less-desirable” options to see if you followed through, and you did, so thanks.
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So I noticed after I searched the bedroom, I could still pick the bedroom when the choice came back up, I didn’t click it so idk if you put something in place to say “sorry you have already searched here” but just thought I should check that you have some kind of gain or lock to stop people from searching the same room that they’re in. I mean, they can if you want but I guess it takes away an element of realness in my opinion
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Omg the riddle… Was genius… And the hint will be so helpful to twelvies.
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Small thing, but I would have rathered see MC walk up to the book shelf and tinker loop rear to get the book… Again, it’s just a realism thing.
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You make me laugh at your flashback comments
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I didn’t mention it before but your end of chapter thing is amazing!
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The OTS shots with MC and Kai were a nice change up
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Ok, so I ate the cookie and idk if there would have been a different result, but anyway he filter and fades looked AWESOME
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so during MC’s hallucination, there’s one thing the host says that can’t be read because it’s zoomed in too much.
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Your old cover makes so much sense now with the watch hahaha
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“Yeah sure why not at this point” lol
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Ah, I truly have no predictions as to what that stopwatch could symbolize.
Sorry, I feel like I didn’t write much, but honestly there was not much to fault and I had to stay focused in case I missed a clue hahaha. Lived up to expectations for what it’s worth and my original thought about Kaia still remains