@zapcV - Inner Circle
Random side note to start off with, I searched “Inner Circle” on the app, but your story was hidden behind these Gossip Girl knock off and I did some snooping and the author is like, so rude in his fanmails LOL…
Anyway, found it eventually, so here we go…
-
Love the warning for tablet users. A warning more people should include in my opinion.
-
I’m a sucker for the rich kind of snobby MC’s and from the private jet, I have a feeling that’s what she is… (and your description lol), so I’m pretty interested already. The suitcase overlays were a nice touch too.
-
I like that you gave us a glimpse of the MC’s personality before the CC. I don’t think the campus is the best location for it? Or maybe it is but you just need to add something that’s basically putting a pause to the background world. Not sure if you’ve read the new featured story College-ish, but they added a blurred background overlay to the background. Something like that would look so cool in your story, if that’s something you’re interested in.
-
Your CC is a bit all over the place. I’m not sure what the reason for the limited skin tones was? But you were also missing a lot of the new features too, which struck me as odd since you said that if there is new features added, that’s when you will add them in.
-
The way you introduced the ‘inner circle’. I picked Ruth btw. It kinda felt like, idk, professional. Like as crap as the episode official stories are, this is one thing they usually do right and that’s how I felt reading this. You introduced your characters, gave enough background knowledge and it didn’t feel forced, so nice work
-
Ah the splashes at the end were cut off a bit at the top and bottom. … And I’m on phone, not tablet lol
-
Eh, I get your thing about changing it from high school to college but leaving the uniform, but I wouldn’t have bothered adding the note about it… Then again, I have seen lots of people bitch and moan about uniforms in college stories so maybe that disclaimer was needed?
-
Ah, I really like that if we went to the wrong floor, you deleted that floor when the choices came up again
-
Ooh nice background.
-
I think you maybe want to give Paige a walking animation so that when MC says she stormed in, it sounds right. It didn’t really look like she stormed in with the way it’s directed currently.
-
Paige checking to see she’s not backing out hahahhaha. Why did this make me laugh so much? And her saying nobody double crosses her? Too funny.
-
I’m enjoying the range of your choices. Like the asking about Ruth or talking about myself or showering. It’s only something small and I don’t think it will end up changing me ending (right?) But it still feels impactful on that scene.
-
That’s the spirit hahahah lol I get it.
-
Have to admit, you’ve got me hooked with these little bits of mystery. MC and her mystery texted, Ruth and all the phone calls, even Paige not telling MC the full story lol. It’s very intriguing.
-
I think MC might facing the wrong way now? She’s not facing Paige any more but is still talking to Paige.
-
Bahaha I’m laughing at this “complex plan” lol
-
There’s a couple of layering issues with Alexa when MC is kissing and then when when MC runs off after kiss, I can see she’s also not changed layers so a few of the BG characters get in the way too. Luckily you zoom quicker than MC walks, but the Alexa one is pretty noticeable.
-
After the phone call, Ruth briefly disappears. Her speechbubble is there, but she’s not on screen.
-
The To Be Continued overlay at the end is new, isn’t it? Nice cliff hanger btw
-
Oof, you know there’s a five f-word per episode limit? And this one thought bubble right after the texting scene contains all five. You will need to change that.
-
Just thinking… That’s a really plain car considering all these students are supposed to be quite rich
-
There’s been like 9 f-bombs so far
-
10
-
During the outfit selection, every time I go back to see the other options, I hear a door slam noise. You may want to move the sound to the other side of the label
-
I’m not sure when you uploaded episode 4, but I noticed the new short hairstyles are missing. I’m guessing that you must have updated before that release though? Hahaha, so I guess it will be in episode 5? Anyway, good on you for integrating it into the story line.
-
Oh love the fade at the cinemas. It’s realism.
-
“Announcer chick” hahahaha (Also, if that character is Muslim, her legs she probably be covered with pants)
-
Woah, that was a strange tappable thing. Did you upload overlays of their faces? Or is there a transparent one in front of them?
-
A few of the paparazzi were at the wrong layers during that photo scene. Also, I’m a little surprised you didn’t turn that into a “take-a-photo-and-tag-me-on-IG” moment, it would have been a good spot for it haha
-
Alexa and Troy? Wow, I thought they were going to get together, not be revealed to be exes. I am shook
-
Troy says “And bye the way” - you’ve used the wrong by/bye.
-
“All I know comes from Gossip Girl” hahahaha, ironic you say this considering the GG rip off I found by searching for your story.
Well, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Idc that they wear uniforms to college or that MC hasn’t gone to class yet, hahaha. It’s the kind of drama story I like. You just have a nice Episode-ish way of formatting your story and I love it. There are those few points that I mentioned that I think would enhance your story, but eh, if you choose not to take my advice I’ll probably keep reading it. One question though… If I didn’t pick Ruth at the beginning and chose the other girl, what would have happened?