Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Yeew! Music to my ears, can’t wait to read it :blush:

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Would u please review my story

Details

Title: The Star Necklace

Description: you are the most rich girl in your country in addition you’re famous but what happens when the Star Necklace uncovers your true identity

Genere: Drama

Style : ink

Author: Mayah

Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6248660515487744

Instagram: @maya.wiliams0

Cover:

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Hi @amberose, thanks for agreeing to do a review on my first ever Episode story and thanks to @Annieways for referring me to here. :pray::heart_eyes:

Title: Crimson Red

Author: NewEpisodeFanatic

Episodes: 3 [ONGOING]

Genre: Romance / Fantasy / Drama

Style: Limelight

Description: “A love story set in a fantasy world. We follow the story of Crimson Red Ruby, the fearless leader of the Ruby realm, and the love, lust and passion that ensues.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/newepisodefanatic/

Link to my story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4869484986302464

Cover:
Crimson%20Red%20cover%20insta1

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I have a story idea and if u can help message me on Instagram @real.quadrick i really need this and u can take credit for it idc as long as it works

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@epi_alifah - New Life Abroad

omg I’m so sorry! I accidentally muddled up the order. Thanks for being so patient.

  • I see two BG characters at the airport that look a lot like the stock ones. It would probably be better if you changed up their looks a bit more so they blend in.

  • Moving to Indonesia? That’s so cool, I actually speak a bit of Indonesian. I’ve never seen an episode story set there yet.

  • Ok, so there is a lot of narration throughout your first episode. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but since this is an interactive app, you might want to consider adding more dialogue and more choices to start off with? It will help hook readers in from the start

  • I’m not sure how Universities work in Indonesia, but so far it’s feeling more like high school, than it is a college. If you are from Indonesia though and know how the system works, maybe you could somehow squeeze in a brief explanation? Maybe MC compares it the the US system so readers know?

  • Also… Indonesia is pretty hot and a lot of your characters are wearing a few layers. Just to help show the location, you probably want to take the seasons into account and have clothing options that reflect the temperature

  • Aw nice meet cute there with the phone

  • Ahaha, I kinda like the mini cliff hanger being that there’s no sorority for MC to join. It’s unexpected.

  • So two days later when MC is sitting on her bed, the scene shows up and then it fades in. Make sure you place everyone in the scene using the & symbol and then add in your transition so it flows.

  • I like how you’ve spotted the lecturer up the front of the classroom when MC is standing at the door

  • I noticed that Fabian says he’s doing another activity and it’s related to my major. I’m thinking there’s some kind of plan for that, am I right?

  • I’m sorry but I am a bit lost with what’s going on with the play.

  • During the scene in the hallway talking to Fabian, MC’s speechbubbles don’t look like they’re in the right direction. You might need to spot them.

  • I noticed it’s the same four outfit options each time MC gets dressed… Oh and I just noticed none of the other characters really change their clothes either :thinking:

  • Oh yay, new clothes for the club :partying_face:

  • Oooooh now the drama is really starting at the club, huh?

  • Hehehe, I love when a story is not afraid to include periods, thank you for doing that

  • Wait I wanna know what Dea was saying!!! Ah, you’re evil leaving me in suspense like this.

  • Oooh, I see all the outfit options are changing now hahaha yay :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

  • The reader message saying to ignore the girl in front of Fabian…? I don’t get it. If you don’t want readers to pay attention to her, just delete her lol

  • Be wary of your swear words. I know you needed to repeat “slut” for Dea’s reaction to be so effective, but too much cussing can be a violation of the guidelines. It usual depends on context and which swear word of course. I know there’s a limit of 5 f-words per episode. So just be careful when using different ones as you don’t want to get your story reported. If I were you, I’d scan through episode 4 and maybe take out any that are unnecessary.

  • Geez, Clarissa is cray-cray

  • I have to laugh at Adiva thinking she was an emo kid just coz she wore all black and was a bit moody hahaha

  • I love the concert crowd.

  • Noooo, come on Dea! Tell us what’s going on!

  • I LOVED that classroom set up and I love you haven’t used the standard uniforms that everyone uses in episode stories.

  • The teacher is hilarious

  • Hehehe, I see some author inserts I think…

I think this is a pretty solid effort for your first story. There was no directing errors or spelling mistakes that I noticed and each episode was a perfect length. I did feel like there was a lack of choices though, which can let you down in some areas since the app is all about choices. I also felt like it moved very slow at the beginning, which could have been because there was a lot of narration in the earlier episodes and not that many choices. I think later episodes were good because there was a lot more going on… If you could somehow bring in some more of that drama into the first three episodes and add in more choices, I think your readers will be able to connect with the MC more straight from the start. But still… for your first story, it’s really good and you should be proud.

2 Likes

@ryndjaz - Growing Pains

  • Yikes, starting off with a hard life, huh? Not going to lie, your trigger warnings worry me.

  • When Jacalyn runs to see the crash, the scene fades out but then briefly comes back up before the background is switched. There might be a pause for a beat just before you change maybe? I’m not sure tbh, you’d need to check your script.

  • At the end of the car crash scene, you had a fade in instead of a fade out.

  • Dane and Brandon’s speechbubbles cover their faces. If you want to spot them, there’s a guide for that here: 💭 HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble

  • I notice they also run in and out of the scene and lose their short height… If you want to adjust that, there’s a guide here: Spot Walking (Walking w/Spot Direction)

  • There’s a five f-word limit per episode, and I gotta be honest, I am counting yours and you’ve already said it 4 times and I feel like we are not near the end of the episode and I am worried you’re going to say it more the 5 times now ahhhh

  • Oh phew, you didn’t say the f word too many times. I was wrong though, we were near the end. It was a bit too short for my liking. I usually prefer my stories to establish their goal by the end of the first episode so I can tell what direction its heading in, and I didn’t quite feel that here yet.

  • Ok, in the flashback, you will want to use the spot walking technique I previously linked in order to make 7 year old Jacalyn look like she is the same height when she enters and exits scenes.

  • I’m not sure what’s happening right now. The screen is black but young Jacalyn is standing there and she’s saying dialogue but there’s no animations?

  • When the dealer enters, you will want to bring him forward a layer as his gun is behind Jacalyn’s head and she’s supposed to be further back.

  • I’m a little confused, is this back to present day now? You didn’t say how old Jacalyn was at the beginning

  • Same thing happened as before with the black background

  • Dealer 2 is love interest I’m guessing?

  • Um, I think you wanted “BOSS” to be off screen, right? Well, he is on screen.

  • You have definitely maxed out the f-word limit in episode 4, sorry…

  • Omg :eyes: the officer aspect really could add some drama

  • Boss is doing a talking-looping animation still when Officer starts talking again.

  • Officer is facing the wrong way when he hugs Jacalyn

Well, honestly kidnapping stories are not really my thing… Your story seems to be in early days though, so it was hard for me to guess exactly how big of a plot point the kidnapping aspect is. I see there’s a lot of opportunity to add to the drama… Personally I thought the drama surrounding the officer and Jacalyn’s was good and adding more drama like that to give your episodes a bit more length would be beneficial. If you fixed up those directing errors I pointed out, I definitely think this could have potential with the wider episode market.

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I’m sorry, I’m a bit confused at what you are looking for. Could you explain a bit more?

Title : Figures

Genre : Romance

Episodes : 4

Summary : Bianca just moved from Italy to Manhattan to escape her horrible foster family and her dreadful past. There in Manhatthan she meets a fascinating green eyed man. Will her life be the same or will her past catch up?

Style : Limelight

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5720682964516864

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Ah, yes. I’ve been thinking about doing that, but I’ve heard that if we change a character’s features that’s already appear in a published chapter, we have to reset story progress (or something like that) so the change would appear? Idk how to do that.

I wanted to make something different, and wow you speak a bit of Indonesian? That’s so cool :smile:

Thanks for the advice!

Which part did you think it’s feeling more like high school? :thinking: if you’re talking about the orientation part, then yes, Indonesian colleges have orientation just like high school. And yes, there’s a break time during the orientation.

Well, I live here and I know Indonesia is pretty hot :sweat_smile: but the reasons my characters wear a few layers are: 1) Indonesia is a Muslim majority country, thus some of us wear modest clothing or outfit that doesn’t show too much skin. 2) on a sunny day, especially if it’s extremely sunny, you can get sunburn, and again this is why we wear a few layers.

Will do. Thank you for pointing that out!

Actually, my plan is just to show Fabian’s love for campus activities, and by showing that I feel like he had to join two activities at the same time, you know? :joy:

No worries, I know it’s a bit confusing. It’s based on a lot of horror experiences/myth/unnerving stories that’s been experienced by Indonesian people, whether the story is on a campus, building, hospital, forest, mountain, etc, and a lot of those stories said that the ‘ghost’ wears red dress (or white dress) :no_mouth: Rafiq’s role, on the other hand, is not the ‘ghost who wears red dress’. His role is some kind of paranormal entity who kills people.

Again, thank you for pointing that out! I’ll fix all directing errors this weekend.

Haha, no problem!

Whoops sorry! (not sorry :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

I actually kinda need her to be the background character so the classroom would look ‘full’, but if you said that, well, it’s either deleting her or just deleting the reader message haha

Yeah, I know I used a lot of swear words, that’s why I’m planning to edit my script this weekend before someone reported my story :sweat_smile:

#InspiredByARealLifePerson :zipper_mouth_face:

I was trying to recreate Indonesian public high school uniform hehe, and all of our public high school uniforms look the same all over the country (white shirt and grey skirt/pants). Though if you look at the private high school uniform, it would look like the standard uniforms that everyone uses in episode stories.

LOL which one? The hijabi one or the bad tempered one? :joy:

:face_with_hand_over_mouth::face_with_hand_over_mouth::face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Thank you for your feedback, I really really appreciate it! I’ve been thinking on revamping the first three episodes but didn’t know how (plus I’m very busy atm), but thanks for your advice now I know how to revamp them :grin:

Thank you so much! :sob:
And thank you Amber for taking your time to read my story and giving feedback :black_heart:

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False! I’m always redesigning my BG characters whenever there is a new update.

I learned it for a few years, but I’m probably not very good at it. I know how to hold certain conversations and can sing 2 songs in Indonesian hahaha.

Honestly… I think it may have just been the backgrounds. I know some university’s here in Australia have some lockers (usually you have to pay for them lol) but I just think because I have seen those backgrounds so many times before in high school episode stories, they just have that stigma. But I know your struggle too. College hallway backgrounds or lecture halls are quite hard to come by.

Ok, well now I just wanna know out of interest hahahah, how do you guys keep cool? To me, I can’t imagine being in Bali and wearing so many layers hahahaha (Also I think that’s where I probably got confused. My mind immediately goes to the tourist hotspots so ofc I’m thinking that they should all be shorts and a singlet hahahaha)

Ahhh this sounds so cool

Aha, I get you. Well third alternative: delete her every time you zoom in and add her back whenever you zoom out? Lol, maybe too much effort though, but it would solve both problems :smirk:

The bad tempered one had me laughing lots

You’re welcome. I know the feeling. I revamped both my first two stories. It can be daunting at first but once you get going with it and once you see the result, it’s really rewarding. Now I am at a point where I am addicted to revamping stories and I also I’m low on free time hahahaha. But… You can see with your later episodes what you are capable of. So if you want to redo the pilot episodes, I have no doubt that you can do it :slightly_smiling_face:

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I need a write to write my story

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Ohh, sorry. I don’t do that. If you’re looking for a writing partner, take a look here

Can I request your live thoughts on my recent story.
Adventurous: Adventure House
Genre- Adventure/horror
Chapters - 3 (for now)

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Probably because… we’re used to it? :joy:

Out of curiosity, have you ever been to Bali? And yeah, most people wears shorts and singlet in Bali haha

This will be a lot of work but thanks for the advice :grin:

I understand the feeling, it’s like when you’re struggling doing advanced directing but when you’re done the result could be really satisfying haha

Thank you hehe :slight_smile:

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@LiyahxWrites - Bad Behaviour

  • Oooh, ok… Looking forward to a badass MC not going to lie

  • I’m super impressed you have already updated your CC template, I’ve been slack with mine lol.

  • It’s, uh, well… A little creepy to think these love interests just happened to be in the Mc bathroom for the CC part hahahaha, though afterwards since the first scene starts else where, it doesn’t really matter.

  • Also, I noticed that when the LI do their CC, the narration is worded as if it’s a “YOU” character. It’s not a big deal, coz everyone at this point knows how it goes, but i guess it just looks more professional if you tailor the narration to your story.

  • My bf’s name is the female love interest’s name hahaha. It’s weird coz once I told him I liked his name so much we should name our own child that regardless of gender coz I think it’s cool as a girl’s name. Spoiler: he said no.

  • Oooh, wow. Why do I get the feeling you’re actually going to be taking on some big issues? And I say this in a good way. Been a while since I’m read an illectually stimulating story, so I’m excited to see how this plays out.

  • Lol, Tina is so jealous of Alana hahahaha. I wonder is there’s a reason as to why we basically have the same hair colour… Hm…

  • Naw, a bit short for episode one tbh. Sort of left me hanging, but in the sorta where-is-this-going? type of way.

  • Lol, so basically I am feeling the first question in your Q&A

  • Beginning of episode 2 - right where Alana is thinking and looking at the camera… She just… Idek, like her eyes dart to Xavier and it just looks perfect. Was this just all the animations doing? Lol.

  • FOUR MONTHS?!!

  • Oh my GOD. My face when Alana explains why she’s been so distant: :hushed:

  • Interesting pyjamas lol

  • I just realised… Lol, bold move to make both love interests in a relationship already. Readers will HATE you, but it’s good for the drama.

  • “Tina feels bad about talking shit” - lol, why did this make me laugh so much?

  • Red is a thing, right? Like, her hair, the text effects you’ve been using are also red… All these outfits have some red.

  • Jazmine doesn’t kiss her husband back lol what??

  • Ryan’s doing a talking animation when Rachel’s actually talking.

  • Oooh, I was wondering whether you were going to show what actually happened after Tina’s comment hahaha

  • There was one typo I noticed - you said “bitched” instead of “bitch” when talking about Tina haha

  • Oooh damn, that height difference with Lucas :drooling_face:

  • Just be wary of looping animations when holding the drink cup. It looked like Rachel was still talking while Ryan was. Also be wary of a glitch. Not sure which cup prop it is, but I have noticed it in a lot of stories lately. Luc’s prop wasn’t there.

  • Rachel says “now thats settled” - you’re missing the apostrophe “that’s”

  • The nurse thinking Tina is a bitch? Lol, classic.

  • Not a big deal, but the nurse looked like she was doing the same animation three times in a row.

  • Pull out game is strong? omg hahahhahaa dying!

  • Lucas says “I don’t get how its possible” - missing the apostrophe again for “it’s”

  • Mmm, Dylan is kinda hot tho.

  • Damn Tina, why are you such a cow?

  • I am curious what happened to Alana’s baby though :eyes:

  • Ooooh wow, even when I made that choice, I forgot she was pregnant lol. It’s actually probably not the best choice to give your readers, considering a few might remember she was preggers. Is there a way you could give a “do nothing” option and then use gains for the next episode?

  • Break up with your girlfriend coz I’m bored? HAHAHAHAHAHA omg

  • Those wine glasses look huge HAHAHAHA

  • These pink iris transitions… Is that because it’s Valentine’s Day hahaha?

  • Rachel, when answering the question about fave drinks, gets stuck on a looping animation

  • WHAT THE HECK??? @ episode 4 cliff hanger.

  • Wait, the choice about flirting… It was worded weirdly. I picked “yes” because I thought she was saying “Yes, I won’t flirt with other people” lol

  • Ryan said the comment about assuming she needed bail money twice in a row?

  • The Thong Song lol

  • Omg one of your dressing outfit options… “Can see why Tina got pregnant” - I died.

  • Don’t know why, but this opening a tab choice really interests me…

  • Gah, Luc has his facts wrong!!! Alana didn’t know she was preggers, only us readers knew.

  • Ooooh another cliff hanger… Evil.

Thoroughly enjoyed this actually. It’s somehow lighthearted but also serious, idk how you managed that, but it was enjoyable anyway. I think the first episode was the only one I felt was perhaps too short, and only because it was hard to determine what the goal of the story was at that point. Your spotting and directing as awesome, can’t believe it’s your first story. The only thing I did notice which I haven’t written down is that occasionally when having a character walk to a new spot, you haven’t added in the seconds, so they go at a super speed, which kinda ruins the illusion of the story, but other than that, I don’t think I could really fault it. I am looking forward to Luc’s mum’s situation getting a bit more attention, not going to lie hahaha, that got me from the start.

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Haven’t been to Bali myself, just go off friends and families stories and pictures. My grampa goes there almost once a year… and never takes me with him :sob:

I meant to changed those lol but I was in a rush lol.

Tbh… The cc was overwhelming. I plan to re-do that entire episode.

I did (idle_happ_pose & idle_happy_loop)

It was a stretch but guys can be a bit slow at time :sweat_smile:

I did not know this lol…

It’s Alana favorite color lol.

Everybody said this but It looked fine on my phone, I’ll go back in and fix it.

I was wondering how you was going to feel about this :rofl:

I don’t use gains but I’ll use gain in this case. Thank you for letting me know.

It’s the overlay, I swear. No matter how I sized it. The wine glasses were just problematic.

This will addressed more in season two, but I do talk about it a little in the upcoming episode.

I will fix this also.

Thank you for these comments. I almost had an anxiety attack when I seen that you mentioned me lol.

I’m going to fix this.
I realized it did sound weird, when I was typing it out lol

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG :star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck::star_struck:

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Tbh… I understand this lol

Really? It means there won’t be any secks in the first 5 episodes at least lol, of course readers will hate.

I’d guess something’s going on with an animation you have used an & on trying to take over the @ you’ve used for a kissing animation. Does this make sense?

I weirdly loved it. I’m like a huge advocate for safe sex and wearing protection, so always get iffy at these comments, but it depends how it’s done. The way you did it was definitely the kind of thing that would make readers say “lol idiots,” as opposed to “Wow, so we don’t need protection, okay!” like so many other stories I know do.

GAINS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. A lot easier than you think.

Bahaha, that’s my mood every Friday and Saturday night.

Ooooh, nice.

Yeah, soz. I do that. I knew you were online lol, so I didn’t like your post since you’d get the notification and know what I was up to hahahaha

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LOL. Sue me. Romance is hard.

Yeah in earlier episodes I used a lot of @ - I was such a rookie lol

Lol… I had to keep PG somewhat.

I need a guide, because it seems difficult :sweat_smile:

Mood.

I got the email and I quickly stopped when I was doing.
I’m tweaking the mistakes, as we speak.
Thank you for reviewing my story btw :heart_eyes:

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Lol, all I’m going to say is “same” because yeah, I agree with everything you said basically. I’m glad I could help and honestly if you want a quick course on gains, let me know. They are easy once you know them

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