Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories


#264

Hi there! I’d love if youd review the story I co created for the DD contest!

Title: DD SHATTERED
Authors: @CeCeWrites.Episode and Jane
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Limelight
Episodes: 3 (on going)
Link: DD SHATTERED


#266

Here’s mine, I’d be happy if you read it. I don’t mind if I’ll have to wait some time, I don’t want you to be stressed out. Take your time :slight_smile:
Title: Dreams and Nightmares
Author: Dreamer
Genre: Romance
Style: Ink
Summary: Scarlet had a rough past and it looks like it’s not getting better after she was bought by some mysterious guy. Will she ever turn her life from a nightmare to a dream?
Episodes: 8 (more coming soon, I’m trying to update once a week)
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5452320906543104


#267

Hi!
My name is Mónica and this is my first story:
Title: Dear Lilly
Author: Mónica Cristina
Genre:Romance
Episodes: 4 (ongoing)
Style: Ink
Description: Lilly wakes up from a coma and has no memory of her life. Will her S.O. help her remember or will she fall in love with someone new?
Your choice…
Link: Dear Lilly
Cover:
Story_Title_TAmo5A_posterThumb_TxZGXGLuXB

Enjoy :slight_smile: and thank you!


#268

Title- The Final Girl
Author- Mindy
Episodes- 3 (on going)
Description- Quinn goes on a trip with her friends but will she make it back home alive?
CC
Cover- The_Final_Girl_


#269

@vandelaakfa1 - Stranded

  • I really like the cryptic opening - it really got my attention. I heard the word “ship” and immediately thought it would be a story about getting stranded on an island, but the space background makes me think maybe it’s a spaceship that gets stranded. The captain’s log also really got me interested.

  • Interesting choices so far… I feel like they might be crucial but there’s no reader message to tell me so and if that’s the case I love it! I love the shock of not knowing something was an important choice until I find out I screwed it up.

  • I like the custom backgrounds.

  • I feel like there was a little error when they all started walking after I chose to stick together. The transition fade in came in after they were all on screen.

  • Two of your characters have a default-vibe to them. Like they look too similar to the stock characters. It’s not really an issue per say, but in my head I will keep calling them Kiki and Emma.

  • Wait, how did she know Ian had been infected?

  • A similar transition error occurred again when Betty and Nancy were talking

  • Oh damn, I shouldn’t have sent Nancy on the mission!

  • I like that Ian escaped, but maybe reset your zoom in that scene so we can see the whole room is empty?

  • Ok, so I chose to kill Nancy (yolo, it’s only a story anyway), but I think instead of telling Betty to close her eyes, maybe she should leave the room? It seems to be a very traumatic ordeal for her and is low-key making me feel bad for shooting Nancy.

So that brings me to the end of what you have. I do quite like this and would love to read it once it’s published. I’m excited to see where it goes


#270

@mystique_writer - Teacher or Queen?

Before I get proper started, can I just say… What a story title that is! Without knowing anything, I feel like this could be a story about mistaken identity? Anyway, sounds like there could be drama…

  • So in the first scene, I am so distracted by Darja/Liz’s pants. I’m waiting to see if there’s a reason she’s wearing dirty jeans.

  • YES! He asked why! Thank goodness!

  • So I am confused at why she’s said her name is Liz.

  • Also confused if this is a love interest or if this is to somehow set the scene for the actual plot?

  • I’d just add that so far you haven’t used any zooms. Since you’ve only got the two characters on screen so far, you might want to mix it up with some close-ups

  • So I chose to “kiss Dan” and I was a little surprised that you narrated the kiss instead of animating it.

  • Wait… So that was a dream? Or a memory? Or a princess pretending to be a normal person for a night?

  • Ok, so I’m thinking it was the last one now. That was a little confusing but it clicked eventually.

  • So for the first episode, I’m not sure if enough was revealed about the plot to really hook your readers in. Is the story about her trying to live a normal life at night? I think maybe an extra scene for some more clarity is needed and then your first episode will feel a lot more rounded out.

  • I’m curious to know what time period this is set in… The two girls fighting outside make it look more modern because of their dress and hair.

  • Did Queen Darja just go outside in the same clothes she slept in? hahaha :rofl:

  • When the queen gets dressed and walks to the little sofa thing in the middle of the wardrobe, she looks a little too tall. Maybe scale her a bit smaller? See where her head is and try to imagine if the room was in real life, would she bump her head on the ceiling?

Ok, so that brings me to the end of chapter 2. I won’t read three as per the story description. I think you’ve got a great hold on directing and you’ve done your character development very well. There’s only two things that I think need to be addressed and I feel like you’d only need to add a couple more scenes to have it fixed:

  1. Teacher or Queen? The title… Where does the teacher aspect come in to play? And why is it phrased as a question? If this will be explained in later chapters, that’s totally fine, you’re the author and I’m sure you have a plan. But from a readers perspective I feel like you need to subtly drop in things like that in the first episode so your readers have a hint of what to expect.

  2. I felt like episode 1 and 2 were completely different. There wasn’t much of a relationship or tie between the two episodes. I think if someone were to read episode 1, and then run out of time for episode 2 so they return to it the next day, they’d probably be confused as to what happened to Dan. So again, maybe some added scenes are needed in episode one to introduce all your important characters


#271

Thank you so much for you review! :blush:
I would say that answers to your questions will be explained in the next chapter which will also introduce another very important character!
Also the relationship with Dan will be explained and everything is gonna make sense together.
The kiss scene was narrated on purpose because there was no kiss. Again - in the third chapter it will start making much more sense.
Also the Queen Darja character has certain reasons for behaving the was she does and she will improve quite lot during the story.
The Teacher aspect is coming in the next episode and also you will get an explanation of some relationships between characters. There is a reason the first two chapters are different because they need to show little bit of background for the main plot.
Also thank you for some directing tips! I will look at it and try to make it better :slight_smile:
I am currently working on more episodes. Would you please read the third once once I will publish it? Another question - if you found this story, would you continue reading it? Why or why not? I am just wondering about reader’s emotions during reading…

Anyway, thank you so much :sparkling_heart:


#272

Ok, great to hear that. I will definitely read the third one for you lovely. (I totally didn’t realise they actually didn’t kiss! Bahahaha)

I’ll be honest, if I come across any story that only had one or two episodes out, I would skip past it, only because you’re supposed to have a minimum of 3 before you publish and I don’t really like when people don’t follow that hahaha. Although the title would have pulled me in, yes. I would have just waited for the third to be out. I guess worth noting that if you had the third one out, it would also address a lot of the questions I had hehehe :laughing:


#273

I don’t like it either :smile: but this is my first story so I wanted to get feedback on the first (then second) episode to know what to improve. It had helped me a lot so I could do some changes. It was easier for me to change one episode (I did it like million times) than three and then I didn’t make the same mistake (or I was aware of mistake that could be coming).


#274

Fair enough, I can understand that (for future though, you can actually share the link to your story before it’s even published)


#275

Hey :slight_smile:
I was finally able to publish third chapter. Could you take a look at it?
Thanks :blush:


#276

@AnonymousAuthor1 - Hale Huna

  • Not that I think you need to tell your readers that there’s no CC in the first place (as in, I think you could skip this explanation at the beginning), but there’s a small typo - alot is actually two separate words: a lot

  • Nice intro. I love opening credits.

  • Ok, so Elliot’s backstory is kind of… triggering. I would have appreciated a bit of a warning (more specific than the warning splash) and even maybe an option to skip it. I just was not prepared for something so heavy and even though the description was brief, it was still descriptive.

  • I think there’s another little type in your choices for the back story. The final option is: I don’t want to hear any/any more.

  • I think meeting Adrian could have been enhanced with a few added zooms. If you watch the scene, they’re only using the right side of the screen. Maybe if you zoomed in on their torsos and face, you wouldn’t have half a screen empty?

  • Oooh, I’m not sure what’s happened but now I’m zoomed in on Adrian and I can’t see Kendall

  • Heheh, I liked the back and forth between Kendall and Stella.

  • I’ve noticed you haven’t used transitions too much. I think especially when there’s a change of scenery, a short fade out really helps the reader differentiate.

  • I like the subtly used to tell information about the house. You haven’t flat out said what’s going on but there’s enough clues now to put together the fact there’s a mystery around her new home.

  • So in the flashback, I would recommend spotting the boys closer to the book shelf. Pay attention to where their feet are. It looks like they’re standing too far away. Also, when we come back to the present, they’re still doing the tinker_loop_ rear animation.

  • In the flashback to Minnesota, there’s a few layering issues when the rest of the family leave the room.

  • Tinkerbell is way to young to have kids? :joy:

  • The transition to Kendall’s room was a little random… Is it the next day? How did they get back to her room? I need a little more information here. Perhaps an extra scene is all it would take.

  • It’s a little hard to believe Kendall’s talking to a fairy saying the legend is only a “fariytale”. You might want to consider adjusting some of Kendall’s reactions. Sometimes fantasy stories have their MC believe too quickly, that it seems unrealistic. You could maybe even have this play out as a choice for the reader: How should Kendall react? Believe the fairy or Be skeptical?

  • When Kendall is talking to Tom, when she stands up it doesn’t look like she’s standing on the ground.

  • Ahahaha, I love how you’ve done Ariel and Belle.

  • I’m just wondering, how much do choices affect the story? I am curious to know if the way I described the boys means I get different relationship points?

  • Best animation to make Mintyfloss fly!

  • The next morning Mintfloss and Kendall are both screen left so one’s on top of the other. It looks a bit awkward when they speak to each other.

  • I’m going to put aside the fact that the likeliness of taking a fairy you just met to school with you is almost 0%, because I’m sure you needed this for the sake of a plot, but I’m just putting this down so you can see I acknowledged the unrealisticness of the situation.

  • Nice spotting outside of the school. I find with this background, people scale their characters far too big too often.

  • I loved that you had the whole group of guys wearing the varsity jackets in the cafeteria. I’ve always felt like they’re “school” jackets, so it’s nice to see a group wear them together like they’re on a team or something.

  • It felt a little rushed in the cafeteria with all the love interests moving around, and being against Mason and acting like they’re already in love with Kendall. I think a few more lines of dialogue are needed just to make it flow better. It’s fine for them to have an interest in Kendall, but you don’t want them to come across as obsessed this early on.

  • With your intro, I’m not sure if it’s intentionally to have Kendall “pop” into place, but if you want her to start on screen, make sure your placing her there with an “&” instead of “@”

  • Ok, so I must admit, I’m a little confused as to where this is going… Mintyfloss is just going to stick around and hang out in Earth now? Is the direction of this story more about the love triangle and less about the fact that home girl Kendall is the chose one?! I hope this is looked into further when I read on.

  • Ah good, Kendall’s stating the obvious for me.

  • Just a small thing, but when they walk up to the party, why not have Minty and Kendall walk_rear?

  • Small layering mix up with the chef in the party scene

  • I’m not a fan of using “anorexic” as an insult :persevere:

  • Um, did you forget to change Kendall’s clothes back for the party or did I miss something?

  • The chef is again in the wrong layer. I’m wondering if maybe the negative (-) is missing from your code when you put in the layer? Because he’s in a new spot now.

  • During truth or dare, purple haired lady needs to be moved back a layer… or two.

  • Just be wary of your background characters. Your main ones have a lot going on, so it’s not too noticeable, but some of them are frozen in strange positions.

  • I know it was nothing too bad and nothing actually happened, but you may want to do a disclaimer before the Mason and Kendall scene and/or give an option to skip.

  • Kendall said “you can look now” but didn’t change her clothes… :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

  • Woah, I can’t believe you let me jump out the window! I for sure thought that both options would just result in Kendall being stopped by the weird lady.

  • I’m a little confused because… Kendall is wearing her pendant at the moment. I’m not sure if there was a mix up with outfits, because she wasn’t wearing it before, but she is now.

  • That was a cute little choice for the reader to guess the spell

  • Again, watch your layers when Kendall walks back over to the group, she walks right on top of Adrian.

  • I loved that banned for life sign, but when you fade back to the main group, Minty’s still doing that animation from the poster. It would look better if you changed before the reader picks up on the fact that the banned for life poster was just a background.

  • Layering when the guards bring the gang to the queen. Just be wary of your layers.

  • I have to say, I saw the mum coming when the queen stayed facing the rear for so long haha.

  • Sometimes I feel like we miss the opportunity to get answers to important questions… Like I was waiting for the mum to be like “let’s tell your brothers” but instead it’s a flash forward to them going back to Lucinda? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the love interests, but she just found out her mother was alive and her death was something that had taken a toll on the whole family! It needs to be acknowledged sooner rather than later in this case.

  • Mintyfloss leaving for the night seems random…

  • So… Adrian’s story was very dramatic. I liked it, but don’t forget that not that much time has passed since Kendall moved here. The fact is he shouldn’t care that much about her yet. I know you had a little time jump in one of the episodes, so I guess we can assume she’s gotten to know all the love interests a lot better, but since we haven’t seen their friendship really blossom that much, it does feel like it’s moving quickly. That being said, I really loved that whole scene (I chose to go further and say I love you back btw (even though I think it’s unrealistic that they would be saying I love you haha)), it was beautifully written and directed. I think maybe I would feel better about it if there had been more scenes to show them getting closer, maybe before they discovered Mintyfloss even.

  • Interesting place to have a time jump… considering the whole deal about her mum being a queen of another universe! Two months is a bit long, don’t you think? Has Kendall told her brothers? What’s happened to Mintyfloss? These kind of things can’t be skipped over just because Adrian left in my opinion.

  • In your montage, Kendall and Adrian aren’t changing their clothes… Although I do like that Kendall is reflecting on the fact that she said I love you to him. Adrian changes his clothes for the Halloween part of the montage.

  • Lol, when you reference a story that’s on my waiting list hahaha!

  • So something that looks kind of funny on the beach with you BG characters is that you have two girls kissing and a guy facing them and he’s just standing there. It looks like he’s perving hahaha. Was that intentional?

  • So with spin the bottle… It seems kind of irrelevant to have it crossed between truth or dare. Why not just have truth or dare? Also… they were in a circle around the fire, so theoretically where would the bottle be spinning? Hence why you don’t need the bottle aspect.

  • Layering when Kendall leaves to walk with Mason!

  • Mason’s explanation makes me so angry! I can’t even-!

  • Careful with song lyrics, you’re only allowed to quote four lines per episode.

  • I liked the use of dummies. I died at the choice of animations to cast spells! This was a great lil montage!

  • Gah! Layering issues with the paramedic outside the house.

  • Kissing Scott was done well… and explained well too.

  • I liked all the pirate backgrounds.

  • Finding the crown was too easy and kind of rushed… I’m going to link you to this because you’re starting to get a bit too carried away with the idea that magic can fix everything, ie. Kendall being able to get rid of the ship and the water so easily… You know, if she could do that, why couldn’t she stop the storm?

  • Wow, the coding for that spell against Lucinda with the fading transition looked awesome.

So overall, it’s an interesting read. I did enjoy it for the most part, but found some things a little too unrealistic to fully believe. The layering thing seems to be a reoccurring problem, so you might want to go through your script and fix that all up. And just work on balancing the fantasy world with the romance. They’re both equally important to your plot, but because of that, they both need the same amount of attention to detail.


#277

thank you for your honesty! i appreciate it! i’ll do my best to fix all the layering issues but as for the unrealism, it is a fantasy don’t forget, it’s not meant to be completely believable because it’s all make believe


#278

You’re welcome. Even if you can’t make it realistic due the fantasy genre of course, please make sure to read the link I added… The episode knitters give great advice on how to incorporate rules into fantasy stories, to make sure it’s realistic to the fantasy world that you create


#279

I just now saw this post!!!
Please check out mine and let me know what you think!
Name: Opposite in Harmony
Author: Pheebsnomenal
Genre: fantasy/adventure/romance
After 1412 years, Aimie finally decides to visit Earth and that is when her life turns up side down. She finds out that sometimes you can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Her perfect family seems to be hiding all kind of secrets from her. Will she ever find her way back to her family even if that means living a lie? Or will she choose to abandon everything she ever knew and live an honest life with her new friends?

image


#280

@PinkPony1 A Wish Come True

  • Your covers and splashes are quite cute.

  • There wasn’t really much of an intro… I would have liked to have learnt a little bit more about the Layla before deciding what to wear. Some authors have a narrator do some kind of monologue to lead into their first episode, and perhaps something like this would work with your story too.

  • Oh my… I LOVE how you’ve spotted your characters at this party. And I can clearly see the “bitch” at the front of the screen and I just love how different that placement is. Normally she’d be at the other side of the room, but now I can see her real time reaction when she turned her head and everything and this is such a small thing, but I just really like it.

  • Oohh plot twist - Liam is a jerk and doesn’t fall in love with Layla as soon as he’s met her? This is unlike most episode stories.

  • Layla is scaled a bit too big when she goes to sleep. Her head looks way too big for that pillow lol

  • When she school scene starts, you have a moment where it’s just the background and then Liam and Victoria appear. You should make sure you add them in before the transition command, for example:
    &VICTORIA stands screen center AND LIAM stand screen right
    @transition iris in black in 3

  • So. Question: does Layla already know that everything she wishes for comes true? Because if not… I think she may have figured out the consequence for her wish too soon. If she did though, this needs to be made clear from the start, because it’s a little confusing to understand how she knew.

  • Ok, Liam makes a good point… Why doesn’t she wish for it to go back?

  • Wait, how did Victoria know about the wish thing? Hmm, I’m confused. I guess it will be explained more in episode 2?

  • Ok, so I’m not sure if I’ve missed something but basically… Liam forgot how he treated Layla at the party… But can remember that her wish came true?

  • Why didn’t Victoria asking about the wish get acknowledged yet? And Keira being the same as Layla. I don’t enjoy this type of suspense :persevere:

  • When Victoria walked in on them kissing, the scream sound was about half a second too late, just so you know.

  • Aha, so Keira having the same thing as Kayla does get acknowledged.

Ok, so I’ve reached the end. I definitely found this entertaining (though a little confusing) and the drama aspect of this was on point. I would recommend though to maybe add more scenes to kind of set up the dynamic. Since Layla and Keira weren’t friends for that long after the story started, I didn’t feel invested in trying to fix their friendship. I think maybe the day leading up to the party could have shown this friendship better… I just had an “aha” moment… Did Keira get invited to the party because she wished for it? And then your readers will feel more of an attachment to their friendship. Overall though, I think you’ve spread out the focus on drama and romance and even mystery and fantasy very well and see a lot of potential.


#281

Thank you so much!


#282

@azariasin - Thrill of the Hunt

This looks very different. I’m intrigued already… But also a little scared :persevere:

  • That was a good thing to include over your splash about the warnings and about what you’ll include at the end… Had I not been reviewing though I actually might have clicked the exit, so I’m now a little nervous that this is going to be a bit much for me even.

  • Noooooo an author’s note at the start?!

  • Your CC has got me very intrigued for the in story descriptions and the art, I must say.

  • As someone who doesn’t have instagram, I felt the screenshot sequence was rather long, but that’s neither here nor there.

  • You’re directing has really impressed me so far and I’ve only just started. I like that you’ve kept the younger version of MC looking the same but younger. It’s sometimes overlooked in CC stories, so I imagine you really spent time making sure your script was perfect.

  • For Jason’s slap, you might want to bring him forward a layer.

  • The montage was pretty interesting. And I felt the crime scene with the woman was done well too, not too graphic, but I saw enough to put two and two together.

  • Ok, I still hate author notes, but did laugh when MC enters and does her whole “what’s a stranger doing in my room” bit.

  • Unknown needs to be brought forward a layer in the alley way scene.

  • So I’m actually terrified of needles. So much so that the mention of one makes me feel light headed. Thank you for panning away from the scene and only mentioning it once and not narrating it or anything. (another review I did had a whole scene explaining someone getting stitched up and I really struggled with that lol)

  • Gah, after all that, now you’re showing me a close up of one? :persevere:

  • Btw, I love that you haven’t used the standard skeleton mask for your “bad guy”

  • Ayo, I love that use of spotlight! I do that in my stories too.

  • Oh I love this scene with the school boys. Very funny.

  • Uh oh… So the description of Ruben I’m getting is wrong… It saying long black hair but my version has short brown hair… What coding did you use for this?

  • There first meeting was done very well. I was worried it would be an insta-love case, but I felt there was a great amount of tension build up first, so yay!

  • I liked how you introduced all the other characters, and I especially love the captain.

  • It’s so trippy to see Ruben’s last name because it’s so close to my name haha

  • I was a little surprised they were about to hook up at work, but then I was kind of expecting someone to walk in on them,haha. It was a good funny moment.

  • A minor thing that is just me being picky… Change the display name of your BG charcaters so it’s not BGCOP7 who’s worried about his sick mother

  • Am I really still only on episode 1?

  • Showing the officers reactions to the video instead of the video was such a creative way to illustrate what’s happening.

  • I seriously cannot believe that was one episode. You had so many minor cliff hangers where I thought it would end. It actually feels like I’ve just been watching a TV show and all the other cliff hangers were for the ad breaks or something! :joy: Jokes aside, I’m both impressed and worried at the length. Don’t get me wrong, having enough content is great, but such long episodes can affect your retention rating (although if you don’t care about this, that’s totally fine), since people don’t always have the time to read something so long in one sitting (I’m actually thinking this might take me over a week to read :astonished:). You could have honestly ended that episode so many times, and I would have still been interested enough to read on, so your extra long length was not necessary but is still appreciated. I bet you never get fanmail saying someone wasted a pass lol

  • Minor layering issue in episode 2 at the very beginning with the captain and Angelo during the phone call.

  • Also, beware of phone call looping animations - unknown was talking while MC still looked like she was talking.

  • Ugh why did this plot have to so heavily rely on my biggest fear??

  • Not a major thing, just a pet peeve, but with this scene, the background include a drum barrel thing and the way you’ve scaled victim number 1 and unknown makes them look like giants compared to it.

  • What an interesting first day on the job for Ruben lol!

  • So I really like how you’ve tied in the backstory to the main crime in this story

  • I normally don’t turn my sound up for stories, but I do right now and have to give your props for those voices sounds you had playing. Attention to detail!

  • I’m being nit-picky now, I know, but when Gabe and MC talk privately in the kitchen, they look too short compared to the cupboards.

  • This is such an intriguing plot - which I think I understand, but I’m also half expecting a massive plot twist (or several) that I don’t see coming as well. But at this point, this whole trauma injecting serum that causes them to kill themselves is kind of genius

  • Aha, I was wondering if the blue and pink haired boys were going to link back

  • Do not think for a second that Ruben taking selfies in the background has gone unnoticed! HAHAAHAHA

  • And I’m crying of laughter at Ruben narration of basically how much he wants her while she does every angry animation that ink has available.

  • Ayo, finally MC’s smart enough to lock the door

  • Woah… Did not see Jenny coming - I’m glad there was a twist like that. Good representation, you know.

  • I don’t think I’ve mentioned this yet, but I love what you name your outfits

  • Yay, your BG characters at the club actually look like they’re dressed for the club!

  • “I have a feeling” “Can’t you wait until your home” HAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m laughing so much!

  • Oh, I thought the hand over the mouth would be the cliff-hanger ending… But it was only what I’m calling the commercial break cliff hanger… So there must be something even more dramatic for the end.

  • Oooh it’s all linking up now (these comments probably are making no sense right now unless your following along in your script, sorry!) - so Grunts’ tell Alina, who tells the fake owner… Smart. You’re very good at connecting the dots.

  • Easter egg: old spice hahaha

  • Gah, I haven’t typed anything in ages because I’ve been so engrossed in it, but need to state this; You utilize the spotlight format very well (I’m up to Ruben flashback while he tells MC) - it really enhances your story telling.

  • I’m pretty sue this is just a glitch on my phone, but going to tell you about it anyway for the laughs - At the park scene, Ruben’s mum’s shirt DISAPPEARS. I took a screen shot too lol

  • AHH! Then when we come back to the present day, Ruben’s wearing no pants! I really think this is just a glitch with my device though, so don’t worry…

  • Ok, so this next one I’m not sure if it’s the glitch or if you intentionally have Ruben butt naked when he’s explaining his past affairs…?

  • The background from the bar didn’t change for the next part of the flashback…? (This could also be a glitch, I don’t know what’s happening with my app right now)

  • Ruben’s a bit of an idiot if he thought they’d go to work together… I’m sure MC hadn’t brought a fresh set of clothes, you know…

  • I had a feeling this would tie into MC’s dad somehow… And I’m betting Ruben’s dad will make an appearance somehow some way.

  • I love that your police station is actually full with people all the time.

  • Um, I’m totally on Kat’s side here, just saying.

  • Aw they’re becoming roomies?! Cute

  • I feel like you’ve made it look like the captain was getting Ruben in trouble for their affair, but I bet he’s actually telling him about Roman, hmm…

  • Hey the description of Ruben is correct now! I’m not sure what happened in episode 1 that was describing him differently

  • I’m not a huge fan of using the bar overlay as a desk but I like that you thought outside the box anyway

  • Loving this laptop overlay scene.

  • So I’m up to episode 8 and… since starting this thread with over 40 passes I am now officially left with 0! So I will end the review here… Unless you really want me to do the final four (though I feel like I’m actually under-qualified for your story anyway - you’re writing it way above my level) ahaha. I will definitely be continuing this one. Have already added it to my recommendations shelf.

TL;DR

This story is everything- Drama, Crime, Romance. Your two main characters have great chemistry. Probably one of the best I’ve seen on episode. You’ve got fantastic directing, use overlays, custom backgrounds, text effects, sound, the works! And you handle the whole plot with a great level of maturity. Your episodes are quite lengthy - especially that first one. It’s up to you whether you think that’s a good or bad thing, I think it’s great but it’s also taken me over a week to read it and I’m still not even up to date. Lol. You really had me on the edge of my seat basically this entire time! There were very few issues, but I pointed out all the ones I saw (description of Ruben, a few layering issues were the main ones and idk if it matters to you, but consider changing the display names for background/minor characters so that your readers don’t see numbers), but they definitely do not take away from how amazing this is.

Questions I have for you...

Just purely out of curiosity…

  1. How long did it take you to write this?/How long have you been working on this?
  2. How many lines is an average episode for you?
  3. Where did you come up with the title?
  4. How long has this actually been published for?

#283

Ahhh length length length, I knew it was a good idea to tone it down somehow episodes after 3 (I definitely understand now on how Chapter 1 and 2 are longer than I realized.) :joy: :joy:

Some people like lengthy chapters, some don’t. I made a decision to trim down episode length lately. Length would fluctuate on 2 factors: depending on pacing or amount of action, scenes involving climaxes of the story would be shortened. I like having a regular balance of action and at the same time, a more “chill” episode where I’d like the reader to be kept up to speed instead of being thrown cliff-hanger to cliff-hanger. The only episode right now that sort of matches Chapter 1’s length is Chapter 11, which is the start of season 2 and follows up the bang of S1’s cliffhanger. My mentality is: “make a story that people wouldn’t regret wasting a pass for”. But I guess the length is overkill judging by comments on lengthy episodes :sweat_smile:

The description for Ruben is black hair and grey eyes. By my interpretation, he has messy tied back hair or “Cade” hairstyle, but the problem is that the Writer’s Portal does NOT let me customize the color (along with the Short Fade and Cade Messy styles). So the color can only be adjusted in-app. Annoying af imo. :roll_eyes: This issue in Portal was never fixed.

Thanks for pointing out the layering issues and spots. I wouldn’t call it nit-picky because
I actually noticed them too more now when I replay the episode to catch up on any possible missing plot points. I’m just a bit afraid of editing or revamping now because I’ve heard horror stories of the readers’ being forced/glitched to replay the story or chapter and there’s only so much coding I can do to remedy that lol. I didn’t know a lot about layering after the first 2 chapters tbh, hence the sloppiness of directing.

How long did it take you to write this?/How long have you been working on this?
Tbh I think it took me like a month BEFORE publishing it (and that was just for 5 CHAPTERS). I was actually planning to create a different story altogether, but ended up scrapping it in favor of doing TotH instead. I was really waiting on good cover art before publishing.

How many lines is an average episode for you?
Good question lmao. I’d say 2k at MOST with NO cc templates like hair/makeup…
I think I might as well come out and say that I had the story loosely pre-planned, but the entire time I’ve mostly winged it. Both directing and writing wise. Leisure or not, I improvise more than organize. :roll_eyes: There are times where I did re-do character and plot revision, but I’ve hardly sat down or pre-planned. Directing is fun.

Where did you come up with the title?
It was a phrase I read up on a year or two back. It wasn’t the original title I had INITIALLY intended to use. The story name I started with was “Siren Song”, based on Ruben’s nickname for the MC. But I changed it into “Thrill of the Hunt” instead, after the killer makes a remark on Chapter 2 about how fun it is to be chased or some shit lol. Siren Song is also a name of a Bat for Lashes song (that I also love), so I don’t wanna be slammed with copyright crap lmao.

How long has this actually been published for?
I think it’s been…a month and a half now? Maybe a little less. It has like only 83 views…but tbh, I don’t know if this means TOTAL chapter views or amount of readers or whatever. Idk how the rank thing works. Sometimes Writer’s Portal will tell me I’m like Trending User Story Rank # early thousands or hundreds. At the moment, I’m trending in #108 as I’m typing this…


#284

Oh no. I feel like I’ve made you feel bad about the length haha. But really it’s fine. Your goal of not having anyone say they have wasted a pass is accomplished!

A month and a half?! What the… You have 12 episodes?! The fact that you have so many episodes, that are long, AMAZES ME. You said you only started with 5… So you must type hella fast! And I can’t believe you just said you mostly wing it… There are no plot holes whatsoever.

I honestly wouldn’t worry about your reads. My first story had 60-something reads when I had 12 episodes (and it was pretty crap until I revamped it) and that was after like 7 months. Now after completing it with 15 episodes, it’s now got 3000 something views. So ofy mediocre story can get there, I certainly see your one about to take off soon too :blush: