-
Intriguing intro. I like that you’ve used it as an opportunity to use text effects. Sometimes the narration bubble on a black background can seem “basic” so I think the fact that you kept it short and straight to the point (plus given it a little something extra with the colour) makes it work.
-
Ok, so one thing I really appreciate with your CC templates is that you have “done” on each page. Claps for you! That’s super thoughtful… But also one of the done buttons for the face shape was on the wrong page… So you had one page with two done buttons and another with none hehe.
-
I feel like I should also say I decided to go with my actual name and make MC look like “me”. Idk why… I rarely do that anymore. I guess the name of your story sounds like something I can get behind (lol) so no pressure or anything, but yeah… This is a semi big deal.
-
Oh and that’s clever to have the male face separated with clean shaven and facial hair.
-
Ayyy your spot placements are perfect! Are you really going to try to tell me you’re “new” to writing/creating for episode?
-
Well, the tattoo is very unlike me… But let’s be real, the skimpy PJs are totally something I’d wear hahaha.
-
Loved that zoom… Let’s call it a “male-gaze” zoom. You know the one I’m talking about.
-
This might seem small, but when MC first kisses John, pause for a beat before the narration. It will just help slow the pace for a second…
-
As soon as he said he’d been in love since “I” first moved in, I got the feeling this was a dream… and I was right hehehe.
-
I liked how you swapped out the background to show the time skip.
-
I think you’ve got a real sense of character for the MC. Like even though I have gone to work with MC, I already know I am she’s a powerful business woman just from her outfit options and from the backgrounds you’ve used for her home.
-
The conversation between me MC and Jon is so realistic. I’m getting like second hand embarrassment just watching her ramble on about the non-date.
-
You got a thing for the Lion King, right?
-
“Cover art goes here” HAHAHAHAHAHA (I’m actually really interested to see the cover art now though)
-
Omg that office background and everything in that scene is just
-
How does Milani seem to know so much about my crush? And why won’t she spill the tea? Why ain’t she telling me what she knowwwwwsss?
-
Oh that’s right. I almost forgot about these mysterious calls!
-
That zoom when it comes to opening the package was clever directing. Seriously, I can’t believe you when you say you’re “new to writing/creating episode for Episode”.
-
“This choice may or may not be important” …??? Ugh. I can’t decide between this! You’re mean!
-
So… Finally chose to go out. Idk why. I already feel like that was a mistake.
-
Just so you know, blue dress doesn’t have a space between “blue” and “dress” in the outfit options. Side note: all those outfit options were so pretty! I usually don’t spend so much time stressing about outfit choices but I also really struggled to decide here.
-
I feel like I’m overdressed for Jon’s party But that’s how I feel going to parties in real life too, so hey, I guess it’s a good thing I used my real name and look. Definitely feels like this story is directed towards me.
-
One of my biggest hates in life is people who are on their phone while driving, so you putting the reader message in makes me so happy!
-
Well, well… I was wondering when Noah would make an appearance. I had assumed he was a love interest (and maybe he still is, maybe there’s more to the story), so I’m actually surprised he’s been introduced as a former heartbreaker. Interested to see where that goes if he is indeed a love interest… I’m guessing that would make Jon the “bad” guy now though. So yes, very interesting hehehe. Also, I remember MC sort of alluding to the fact that she had dated a co-worker, which I mistakenly took as an off-handed comment, but now I’m thinking that was a little bread crumb you added and she was referring to Noah.
-
“You can’t really say no, it’s my birthday.” Hahaha, now Jon is me. Also, by the time you read this it actually will be my birthday hahaha it’s so weird how many things in your story line up to me lol
-
Security guy is HOT!
-
Oooh, that guy walking over behind security guy is hot too… I have a feeling I think this because of the facial hair which is weird because it grosses me out in real life but damn sure looks good on limelight characters!
-
Wait, second guy walking over is Jon? He got changed… Yay, now I don’t look so over dressed.
-
Omg, I feel like we must be long lost twins or something because I totally started using screenshots of characters and uploading them on to backgrounds too! Great minds think alike. It’s such a neat - and less stressful - way of including background characters in my opinion. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who does it.
-
The smallest thing… When MC is asking Jon what he was going to ask her, it should be a question mark and not a full stop.
-
How do you manage to create someone who can be so sweet while he’s suggesting a no strings attached relationship? Like he wants to take care of me? So sweet.… But then in the next breath says he’s not ready to commit? I have no idea how that works… Which makes me wary of what I was thinking earlier… Is Jon the bad guy? But ugh, he looks so good, so he can’t be that bad, right?
-
Ok, I was temporarily distracted by watching myself MC grinding with bae Jon that I almost didn’t notice that default background characters… Almost! But alas, I did see them, and so I’m going to be harsh because I think you’re story is so great that I won’t allow you to let even a default character bring you down. So… Change up those background characters, give them cool clothes, change their hair styles. It takes 5 seconds. Just because Episode official stories use their default characters all the time, doesn’t mean you should. You are better than that!
-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH That dance, that kiss. It was just so perfect. So, like, actually realistic!!! Like, whenever I see slow dancing in a club scene it usually feels so random, but clubs playing slow songs as the last song of a night is totally a real thing that clubs do! So the way you subtly incorporated that was brilliant. And like, the build to the passionate kiss! I loved that MC started off with just a little peck, and it progressed.
-
Hmmm… Creepy no name has been given orders to “just watch” me hook up with Jon. Lol, ok… perv. Also, creepy no name is too defaulty for my liking.
-
The bad Jon vibes are getting stronger now. I get the feeling him and Rodney do more than just work at her building. Like in her dream Jon basically said he was poor, but he has “drivers”… Poor people don’t have drivers… They don’t even have one driver, let alone multiple.
-
Right after I type that last point up, MC is asking what he does for a living ahaha. I don’t regret inserting myself into this story one bit. YAY!
-
I die every time I read the “cover art goes here” note
-
I know you said you only have 3 fully edited chapters, but I am a rebel, so…
-
Episode FOUR Interesting to see MC wakes up in last night’s clothes. I guess she didn’t get laid?
-
Attention to detail: you’ve been changing Jon’s hair. Nice touch.
-
Jon says he’s impressed, but he looks like he’s saying that sarcastically
-
This is killing me. I still don’t know whether I trust Jon or not. Like, he’s definitely one of the hottest episode characters I’ve seen… But he’s kind of shady… But hot… But a bit secretive… But says nice things and is hot.
-
That aurora/aura conversation had me laughing
-
Why is Milani giving me weird vibes? I feel like I can’t trust her.
-
Ahahahaha! I know this little narrator notes aren’t part of your real story but they still make me laugh. I feel privileged that I have the link to your story all to myself. And now I think I’m getting a glimpse into how you actually develop your episodes… This is actually super cool. I’m sorry, but I really can’t stop myself. I gots to know what you have planned!!!
Anyway, I guess I’ll post this now while I continue to read your unedited scenes (heheh)
In case it wasn’t blatantly obvious, I really loved this Like really… I’m going to take a guess and say you’ve got big plans for it too, considering Noah has barely made an appearance yet. Which is also something I have questions about, but I trust you as an author to explain them over time so I won’t pester you here. I’m guessing this will be a longish episode story? Like 20+ episodes? In which case, plenty of time to explain Noah further… Also, I couldn’t find where to slip this into, but I found your story so perfectly paced. Not too fast, but not too slow either. It was just well-paced and a smooth read for me.