Lol, I need to stop doing reviews on my phone. It autocorrects too many words 
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Thank you so very much! My heart is so happy 
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Why you gotta call us stalkers out like that!?
Yes! Do episode official stories! That would be super interesting!
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Thank you so much for this! I’m so glad that you took your time to really review my story with a lot of details.
- I will change all the grammar problems!
- I usually hate author’s note too but I haven’t got any complain about it so I left it there.
- I HATE long stories. I don’t write for others but only for myself. I strongly dislike stories that are 30 mins long or more. This is why I don’t do it too long. I think my episodes are more average than short but this is just an opinion.
- I hate her family too lmao. Don’t hate Leyla or Kayla though! They will become very nice people (not spoiling at all)
- If you want to kill Antonio, go ahead. He’ll become worse.
- I made Grey’s outfit on purpose so Ophelia can critisize him about it.
(next episode) - For the art scene, yes I have an art scene for each outfit. Which one did you choose?
If you want to see the other two outfits, you can see them on my instagram: @azn.stories
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You’re welcome
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Bahaha. Thanks for the reply/vote/lurking!
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Wait, back up… Don’t hate Kayla??
I chose the white skirt and white long sleeved top. I’m happy to hear you did one for each because so many people forget that all the time!
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Hi can i request a review?
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Of course 
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You can hate her now but you’ll hate her a bit less, trust me
That’s my fav of all! I absolutely love the skirt but people usually chose the dress.
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Cool.Here are the details.
Story Title: LURKING IN THE SHADOWS
Story Author: Mystery Maker
Genre: Thriller
Episodes published: 3 (4th coming soon…)
Description: Carol is haunted by a series of terrifying dreams & cassettes.She strives to find her missing sister but is unaware that her six sense may led to unforeseeable consequences…
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Trust you?? You created an entire cast of people I don’t trust
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Yes please 
You can even make a patreon account (or smthg), so we could supply u with donuts or booze for your work
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Hahahaha, this is gonna be fun 
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true but you can at least trust me on that one
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@elawayne - Once Upon A Time…
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So if you’ve read my other reviews, you probably know I don’t like author notes. However, I wouldn’t classify yours as an author note. I’m on the fence about it - I don’t like Ella explaining that there’s no CC, but I don’t actually mind her setting the scene up the way she did… So dury is still out on this one… I think if breaking the fourth wall is a continual thing, it can actually work in your favour. Not sure if you’ve read Curmudgeon by Kate Island, but that type of third-wall-breaking is what I’m talking about.
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Hahahahaha oh god! Ella’s mother is sending her into a book in which she becomes a born again virgin? This is an hilarious idea.
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The sandstorm felt abrupt the way you introduced it. Maybe try fading it by timing the changing of opacity. For example;
@overlay OVERLAYNAME opacity 1 in 4 -
The background you used for Ethan and Glen made me think they lived in tents, so then Ella showering in an actual bathroom surprised me.
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“Oh I forgot to tell you you’re a witch too”… Thanks, mum, not like that little piece of information was crucial to know or anything
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Mum also forgot to tell me who my parents were in the story? Welp. Mum is a bit of a fruit loop.
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Also, Ella isn’t wearing the outfit I chose for her. I chose elegant but she’s wearing the sexy one.
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I was low key waiting for the mum to but in when they kiss lol.
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So I’m guessing Glen is all for the money? Haha.
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Wtf? She just explained she’s engaged to someone but he’s still kissing her that night?!
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Now they’re undressing??? Where is mum? Ella was supposed to stay a virgin for the king. Lol
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Oh thank god mum said something.
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Oooh what? She got kidnapped? Nice way to keep her a virgin lol. I’d recommend a transition fade in when it opens up in the basement, so it feels like the readers opening their eyes to see the scene. Does that make sense?
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Wait wait wait… Who kidnapped her and why? That was resolved kind of quickly.
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I’m also wondering why Ethan is so taken by her… Like they haven’t know each other long and it seems to mostly be a physical attraction only…
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I’m actually surprised we made it to the palace so quickly because I can see you have 9 episodes and I kind of thought reaching the portal would be near the end of the story so I will be interested to see how you keep this going.
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I want to quickly point out how short your episodes are. They’re filled with a lot of content which is great, but because it’s so short in length, it’s starting to feel rushed. You need to find a balance between them. I’d say you just need to spend more time on scenes, building tension between Ethan and Ella for example, or showing more of Glen’s true intentions. Maybe adding more choices would help with this also? I find it helps me when I want to make my episodes feel longer. Even something as simple as giving the reader a choice for how to respond might help.
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I almost choked on my drinking seeing all those women surrounding Rowan and side note: wow, those shoes match the swimsuits perfectly.
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I don’t really get why Ella would care if he’s sneaking around with those girls since she just wants to find the portal anyway.
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What happened to Ethan? Lol
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After the dinner (the one where Ella wears blue), she’s talking to herself a lot, but she’s not doing any talking animations, so perhaps change them to thought bubbles or narration ones?
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Glad Ella comments on her mum’s absence because I’m wondering the same thing lol. I think I would have liked more interference from the mother tbh.
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During the ballroom scene, a lot of your background characters look a bit too big. I always suggest people to use a part of the background to measure the characters against when scaling. For example, use the chairs… If a character is standing right next to a chair, then they should be spotted at a size that would make them fit on the chair if they were to sit down.
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I guess Rowan’s the type to not even kiss his “betrothed” until they’re married.
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Finally! Ella remembers Ethan. I thought he was actually going to show up on the balcony tbh.
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When Ella is in the water shivering, there’s actually an animation for shivering you can use instead of awkward.
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I’d recommend changing GUY1’s name so the reader can’t see it. Since he’s not an important character, you could just chance it to no display name.
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One thing I noticed you’ve been doing which I really like, is changing her hair and make-up when she’s sleeping, showering, etc. It’s good because sometimes I’ll pick OTT hairstyles for specific events and then they don’t revert back for ages.
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Well, that was quite a dream. I feel like the kidnappers chancing her was some kind of sign… And maybe the fact that Rowan saved her was too.
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Wow, I really thought Mum had pulled her out of the book for a second there.
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When she wakes up, try spotting the speech bubbles to point to her. The default positioning has the tail pointing to the ceiling.
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Wait, 10 days without seeing Rowan? What has happened in those ten days?
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I’m so confused with your author note at the beginning of episode 8… First of all because, like I mentioned, I’m finding all your episodes are pretty short, then I’m also confused because if you yourself find it too short, why didn’t you add more scenes? Were you in a rush to update to keep it on a schedule or something?
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Rowan called Ella “assurance” but I think you might have meant to call her “insurance” - so to mean he’s keeping Ella as something to hold over her dad to make sure he returns the money, yeah?
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Oooh, your bruise overlays look awesome.
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Bahahaha, I actually laughed out loud when the portal disappeared and Rowan showed up.
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You were right, that was a short episode. Again, it’s not content you’re lacking, because there’s enough events happening, it’s just that it moves so fast.
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Mum’s message was not helpful at all. What happened to the damn portal?
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Also, what happened to Ethan? I really thought he was going to come after Ella.
To quickly sum up my main points for you (because I know I said a lot)… Perfect amount of content, but actual length needs work, so I’m recommending to expand on the scenes you already have and try to include more choices. Also, try not to leave out characters so much - I’m still wondering if Ethan and Glen were important or not - and I also would have liked to have seen Mum contribute more (try reading that story I mentioned before, might give you some ideas). Finally, I want to say that I noticed you gradually started to use more and more advanced zooms and spot placements, which was really great, so now you might want to go back to your earlier episodes to edit them and bring them up to the same standard as your most recent ones.
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Hi 
thank you very much for your suggestions, they’re really helpful! I’ll fix it as quickly as possible.
I know that Ethan is not very mentioned yet, but he will be at the right time, I promised
Thank you again very much!
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@Fatima.s - To the stars & further
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I love your spotting in the opening scene - not to crowded, but there’s enough characters to know it’s a party… and everyone is scaled the right size so that’s a bonus.
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Anitta says “BTW” and I’m not sure if you mean that she says the letters out loud, or if you yourself just didn’t want to write “by the way”.
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When Lena enters, it’s all good up until you have her walk back… She doesn’t move back layers like I think she should. Try changing it to a walk rear animation… Then scale her a bit smaller as she walks. She looks a bit too big when talking to Peter.
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I was a little confused with the fall animation when Lena and Peter were kissing, but now after she’s gotten dressed and Peter’s left, I’m assuming they “did the deed”… If so, I’d suggest adding a slow fade out or some other kind of transition to show a bit of a time lapse… Unless he’s a minute-man lol
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There may have been a little glitch when grandma finds young Lena. One of Lena’s speechbubbles was really high up on the screen and then Lena just ran off in 0.1 seconds and also became really large as she was leaving. You maybe caused this by using @YOUNGLENA exits left instead of having her walk to a spot.
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Then in the next scene, it’s super zoomed in on part of the car… But I have no idea what’s going on. You need to reset the zoom: @zoom reset
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Ok, so to me, episode 1 didn’t feel quite like a whole episode… It was sort of like a prologue, but there were two sides of it that basically didn’t tie in together. I learned that Lena is wanted by all the guys basically, which was stated in your summary… I also learned her backstory… But the two points didn’t tie in and you didn’t set anything up to give the reader an idea of what’s ahead. I would have liked a little bit of foreshadowing at the end so readers can anticipate what will happen next and make them read on.
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I’m not sure why CC was at the beginning of episode 2. I like getting CC over and done with in episode 1… Unless a character doesn’t appear until later.
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Funny how the “hot” option is a long sleeved turtle neck shirt and stockings. Whilst yes, Lena looks like a babe wearing it, it’s totally the opposite of something you’d wear if you were feeling hot-temperature wise.
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The car animating was on point.
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I loved the running scene, it was perfectly paced and the layering was all good too.
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I’m surprised I get to CC Jad because I thought the Mark guy from the summary was going to be the main love interest.
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So even at the end of episode 2, I’m still a little confused as to where this is heading. I keep reading your summary, trying to connect the dots, but who’s Mark?
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At the beginning of episode 3, when the narrator is doing a quicky montage, I noticed you forgot to add a capital letter to Lena’s name.
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Also, when the teacher is calling the roll, quite a few students name’s are missing capital letters.
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Ok, so Mark has made his appearance… and Anitta s blocking him… I think you need to either bring him forward a layer or zoom out a little and put him further to the left.
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Outside Lena’s house, when Annita refers to herself, there’s also a capital letter missing for her name.
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I just want to also say, I think your episode lengths are pretty solid. Not too short, but still easily binge-read worthy
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When Mark and Anitta go searching for her in the kitchen, bring them more forward so it looks like they’re in front of the kitchen counter (it looks like they’re standing/walking through it at the moment)
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I love all your backgrounds btw
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When they all join up again, Mary stands behind Jad and it kind of blocks her. Bring her forward a layer and it will look more like they’re in a huddle.
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“It’s lena’s phone” - Lena needs to have a capital L since it’s her name.
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OH WOW, Idk why that was a video on her phone, but lucky it was so they know what happened to her I guess.
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Well, obviously the question running through my head now is why did Lena actually get kidnapped? Is it related to her father’s death? I’m sure you’ll answer it in time.
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The kidnapper says “stupid lena” and Lena needs to have that capital L I keep mentioning.
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You might want to spot place Mark’s speechbubbles when he chases the kidnapper because they’re pointing in the wrong direction.
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When Mark walks up to the house, add in the seconds it takes him to get there. Otherwise, he moves at vampire speed lol
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Love how you added those mini jumps for him to climb up. Very realistic.
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When Lena wakes up, she does an animation that’s standing, but since she was just sleeping on the bed the spot placing was off.
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Your use of zooms has been great, especially during this scene now once they’ve escaped.
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You have a readerMessage that says “mean while” but “meanwhile” is actually just one word.
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When the kidnapper is on the phone call, I find he’s too big for that background. Use the lamp post to help you scale him. He shouldn’t be standing that much in front of it, so therefore you need to scale him smaller.
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I’m also finding in the next scene, Mark and Lena look a fraction too big in comparison to the background. However, once you zoom in, it’s hardly noticeable.
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When Mark calls the cops and says “hey, I’m mark” - the M in Mark needs to be a capital letter.
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Add in the times for how long it takes the kidnappers to walk to their spot.
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Oh, I think I was right; she gets kidnapped because of her dad, right?
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Make sure that when the fight breaks out, the others around Mark and the kidnapper aren’t just idle. There’s a few good fighting animations in LL that can make it look like they’re getting ready to fight, so look through the art catalog to find some animations to suit.
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The scratch overlays on Mark looked good.
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Episode six was really really short.
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Random. I also have a character named Leo in an unpublished story who looks exactly like your Leo, but mine has a mole.
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Annita says “From earth to lena” - Lena needs a capital L
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I really like your directing with the tear overlay and the hand hold. Very sweet moment too.
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Kidnapper kind of randomly appeared in the next scene… Make sure you have him enter from a side.
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I think Hazel’s bullet wound should go on his shirt, since that’s where the gun was aiming.
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Mark’s speechbubble when he’s lying in the bed is at the very top of my screen and a little bit cut off, you will need to spot place it.
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I’m very happy to hear there’ll be officers assigned to protect Lena… I know she isn’t happy about it, but for once an Episode story is actually taking a kidnapping seriously and putting up precautions.
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When Lena enters for Mark, both her and the maid look way too big for that background. Use the couch for reference when scaling.
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Not surprised Mark chased after her, but am surprised you let it end there hahaha.
My main issue with your story overall is that I don’t find a connection between the title, what the summary says it’s about, and what actually happens in the story. I think there’s a lot of great drama that happens and it’s definitely an entertaining read, but the title and summary might just need a look over… Unless you have really big plans for this and it will all make more sense after more episodes that is.
I’m also just going to link this sport directing thread since I mentioned your speechbubbles a few times: 💭 HOW TO: Spot direct Speech Bubble
And I’ll also just quickly mention that the last three episodes felt significantly shorter than the others, so just keep that in mind because you don’t want your readers to start complaining that it’s too short, you know?
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You’re welcome! Guess I shall find out if you keep your promise when you continue on then haha 
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@amberose
Thank you so much for you time and effort, your comments are highly appreciated 
I’ll check the story again (for the 100000 time ) and fix it all 
But there is something that confused me, you said that Anitta is blocking Mark’s appearance while I placed Mark at a higher layer…and the blocking thing doesn’t appear when I review the story on my iphone 
…how is that possible though?
Also, how could the last 3 chapters be shorter when the scripts were longer 
?
Am happy you told me that in some scenes the characters are somehow bigger than they should be for the background, cz I thought I was making them way too small
Wanna tell you that in the following chapters the title and the summary will totally relate to the story… you had to customize Jad cz he’s going to play an important role in the story even though he’s not the main love intreset (do you think I should remove customizing him?)…
Thank you again
1 Like