Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Thank you for the under table backround! And also I’ve always been wary about the “Keep calm and caray on shirt.” Episode must be hiding something :thinking::thinking:

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Aw no problem!
The people who review deserve more credit and they do a lot for the community! i mean yours is my favorite just cause it’s honest,funny, and you make it a little uplifting at the end
I’m glad I could make you feel better, I’m sure all is readers want the same :slight_smile: :purple_heart:

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@faelynn - Area 51

Look, I don’t wanna put pressure on you (especially because you think the first episode is trash) but I have such a love for outer space stories/futuristic stories. I guess sci-fi stories, idk why I didn’t just call it that haha. And I love your cover. So I’m sorry, but my expectations are high? Or at least, I’m assuming I’ll like it

  • A little known facts is how much I hate author notes but I actually really liked yours because you have this savage kind of attitude that I can appreciate. I’d still say to get rid of the author note though, but I like how you speak anyway.

  • Also, I did CC my MC to look like me :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Because I’m also really beautiful.

  • I like starting with the action. If I were to suggest one change, it would be how MC enters that second background. I’d have her walk rear from the bottom of the screen instead of screen left since the BG would suit that more for the entry point.

  • The camera shake with the crash was a nice touch.

  • In the lab… MC pops up a second after the background appears. Try using & instead of @ to get her there at the same time.

  • I think the doctor nurse lady was scaled too big in comparison to MC. You might want to spot her.

  • The security guards that came in where all behind MC. Change their layers so they look ok when entering. &SECURITY moves to layer 3 AND MC moves to layer 2 for example.

  • Ahhh, timed choice! Run! …Oh, actually, you gave me enough time to not panic. Thank you.

  • I have always wanted to see that background with the spaceship used before lol. Nice job. I think the MC should probably be spot directed though, since the “human” is. I wouldn’t put her right next to the human, but still closer to make the scene look more real.

  • Btw, am I an alien in this?

  • I liked how we bumped into the Delilah. Nicely directed and I like that you didn’t do the typical “fall” animation, because let’s face it… None of us would physically fall down if we ran into someone. I also like that it’s not the obvious love interest that I run into. I feel that’s over done… But on that note, is Delilah a love interest?

  • Just pay attention to their speechbubbles. Delilah’s point to MC

  • Aw, it ends there? :sleepy: Too short imo, and I guess I would have suggested a bigger cliff hanger. I need to read on before I make suggestions though. But if I forget to add them at the bottom of this review, remind me please.

  • Scrap the author note at the end of episode one. Not a suggestion this time, rather a demand! I feel like I am allowed to demand this because I feel like we get each other. I know we don’t know each other but I can tell by your writing. Like the way you said it’s “short and trash when you requested” made me laugh and I saw on the app you recommend my story so we obviously have the same sense of humour, thus I can make orders.

  • I oddly liked the breaking of the fourth wall to call yourself out, though since it’s not a comedy, I wouldn’t do it often if I were you.

  • LOL, do you understand how much I love that Delilah acknowledges the fact that she got changed in front of her.

  • HAHAHA what about parents? Oh and the part where she asks for her name? Maybe you should move this to comedy, it’s making me laugh.

  • When MC goes to bed she “pops” into the scene. Change the placement to start with & instead of @ and it should resolve this.

  • I like how you’ve named your outfits :joy:

  • Your hair CC is kinda all over the place… I’m guessing it’s from adding in new options? On the page with the pin up curls and the over the should braid, you have “back to styles” and “change colour” twice. And back to styles lead me to changing colour, so there might be an issue with the labels.

  • And in lipstick, the matte colours were sending me to the gloss label?

  • You did not just have default BG characters! Come on, fae! You’re better than that! You spotted them, so you can change a few of their features too. I beleaf :leaves: in you .

  • Ooh, Elijah volunteers at the nursery every weekend? :drooling_face:

  • And he’s crazy fit? Ok, I’ll take him.

  • Hold up, how does the whole school already know about her? Though, I love the angle you’ve used to direct this scene… Also I hate what Elijah’s wearing. He’s hot, but I’d bully him to death if he ever showed up in my area wearing that.

  • When it flicks to Elijah being at the front and facing rear, try moving him higher to show his height. He doesn’t have to be so low just so it’s an OTS shot, you know.

  • Also keep an eye on the speechbubbles in this scene, they appear to be pointing the wrong way again.

  • Episode 2 was better in length, just to clarify though… Am I an alien? I’m clearly not from Earth, so…?

  • :open_mouth: I just realised what your story reminds me of: the video clip for Pretty Girls by Britney Spears feat. Iggy Azalea. This could also be because Delilah and Amber (I named her my name) look a lot like Britney and Iggy too haha.

  • I picked outfit one for the record, but only because it was the most skanky hahahah (no offence), but I don’t quite understand why to give the choice of you want your readers to pick number one.

  • The flashback was quite interesting. I liked the filters but there was a couple of times where they took to long to reset which ruined the illusion a bit.

  • The second time it goes back to the room, the girls aren’t sitting there and it fades in and then they’re there. Use the & symbol and also place them before the transition command.

  • Omg the tattoo… I saw it on your splash but I didn’t put it together when she was explaining it and now I feel like a Wally hahahaha.

Ok so… I have a lot of thoughts. But mostly good ones… But I don’t really want to get into it too much until you reply because I’m really curious to see what your plans are before I start dishing out unwanted suggestions lol. Like maybe you are already planning half the things I’m thinking. Idk. If you don’t want to expose your plans on this thread though, you can pm me instead. I’m really interested, did I mention that already? Also, it’s really not as trash as you think it is. Actually I wouldn’t call it trash at all. First episode being too short I agree with but possibly my ideas might help you there? :smile:

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“Boyfriends don’t” hahahaha. Lol. I didn’t want it to sound like I was in a poly relationship. I just meant that past boyfriends have done it :joy:

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Hey @amberose so happy to see you back!
I have to ask for a weird favor though, I’m currently revamping my story lol
Would it be possible to do the next person before me?
I just need a day to finish it :sweat_smile:
But if you already started my review it’s okay :see_no_evil:

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@Nelles -MC: Heavenbound

No pressure, but you already know I have high hopes anyway… (And I also have high hopes because I know what you’re capable of… Especially with overlays… (And also I just checked out your profile and it makes me sad that Through His Eyes doesn’t have 100 reads yet, but that’s unrelated))

  • Ahh that was a cool skin tone choosing template. Btw I didn’t understand what you meant about not changing during special scenes… Did you mean for art scenes?

  • When MC wakes up and runs out, I saw your car overlay for a split second before it moved into its starting spot. But who cares because that dust overlay??? :heart_eyes: You’re outdoing yourself!

  • I think you’ve done a good job so far at utilising the LL animations to get them to do what you want. I was expecting him to just appear on the bed, but no, you got him carried there and I appreciate the attention to detail

  • I’m scared I made the wrong choice… I thought I was supposed to do this on my own so I said no to help coz I thought I was being good waahhh

  • Wait, what was that about my age? Slight confusion…

  • Bruh. The kid being carried in? Awesome. So much effort. You really are extra, aren’t you?

  • Is it my imagination or is James wearing socks? Does LL have socks? Maybe he’s wearing black shoes. Wow this was a pointless dot point.

  • Ooh episode one ends with a little bit of mystery. I like that. Good length too. Well, good contest length imo. A little shorter than what most episodes are, but not too short to validate people complaining. Props to you.

  • I think I’m good for not giving Esther pain killers, right? Confirm please! I gots to know!

  • OMG!!! I don’t remember where he was shot :sweat: Ah crap! I believed her :expressionless: I was wrong, wasn’t I?

  • Ohhh, I think I know what you meant before because you changed my hair for the flashback and it didn’t change back again (I think I saw you ask about this on the MC thread though)

Found it hahahahah - Gosh, why am I like this? Seriously. Why. Must. I. Be. Like. This. I’m so sorry

  • Ooooh yesss the ash skin colour!

  • Please no, not the needle overlay I beg you not the needle overla— and you’ve done it. Exits story and faints

  • Would I like a recap of the last scene of episode 2? What, so I can fain again? No thank you Nelles, no thank you at all!

  • I love the bunk beds. Where did you find them?

  • Just on the scene where MC is about to wash James (btw omg!!! NSFW) one of the hospital curtain overlays showed up in the middle of the screen before going into place…

  • HAHAHAHA Esther just said penis :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

  • There was a weird moment where the art scene disappeared (btw, cute blush there) and MC just pops in. It was only a split second though.

  • OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG He’snaked olnfiqeohnfpfhnp;q

  • So… Just wondering who actually know’s MC is 17. It seems a bit odd to have the 17 year old wash the fully grown (I’m assuming?) man in all his glory… Then again, the whole idea of having a 17 year old doing any of this is a bit unrealistic. Also, I don’t mean this in a negative way. I think all stories usually need a bit of “unrealism” to actually make the story, I’m merely asking out of interest.

  • “Do you agree with me we can’t let him die” - Uh… Sentence restructure? I can’t quite tell what’s wrong with it, it’s got me a bit stumped. I feel like it should be either “Do you agree with me? We can’t let him die.” Or “Do you agree with me; We can’t let him die?” Or “We can’t let him die. Do you agree with me?” - Idk. I’m not sure :dizzy_face:

  • I full thought that was going to be a choice… You’ve got me curious now… What’s going to happen…

  • Oh, he did not just call me a minx!

  • “has a thing for unconscious men” :joy::joy: Marry me, Esther.

  • Oooh, ok. As a reader of Thrill of the hunt, this interests me…

  • Three months? THREE MONTHS?! My poor 17 year old MC :disappointed_relieved:

  • I have no idea where this is all going. There’s so many layers. I love that there’s still more to it than just romance.

  • Umbrella is so cute!

  • Wait, no! What’s that about trust?

  • Oh wow, they actually get to meet properly?
    *Holy guacamole… I was not expecting them to confess all the feelings so early on (by this, I mean waking up… since well, it’s episode 4 so not really that early). He can’t be telling MC to wait for him. Like really. I really don’t think he can. What about EVERYTHING?

  • Wahhhhh what’s going on? Why are you making me doubt all my trust.

  • Ah wtf. The backpack overlay! It was the definition of perfect.

  • Dad confuses me… I think he’s the one I don’t trust :no_mouth:

  • The two week walking montage was eeeeeevvvvverythinggggggg.

  • Wow, all I’m thinking now is how many arm overlays you must have, because like… The shirt!!!

  • Wait, 2 weeks and never saw another living soul? Yikes. I’d die. I talk way too much. Couldn’t cope if I didn’t have anyone to talk to for two weeks.

  • Wtf James? What are you doing??? He KILLS AMINA?? What are you doing, Nelles?

  • Lol, after all the effort you have gone to with overlays - both in the past and with this new story - seeing what I’d consider a regular car made me chuckle. I hope in the future James steals, like, a 4WD or something. I assume he has no problems stealing cares since… Well, he’s just gone on a shooting spree.

  • Ahh those elevator doors :smiley: Wait, scratch that. The whole elevator scene

  • I wasn’t expecting it to end there tbh. Now I have no idea where this story is heading but in a good way.

  • Also, was it just me or were there not really that many choices in episode 5? As I’ve mentioned to you before with the dreams in Through His Eyes, I don’t even notice a lack of choices until I’ve finished and try to remember whether there was or wasn’t hahaha.

So final notes… You exceeded my expectations, nice job. I’m super impressed and really enjoyed it and kinda feel proud of you too since I feel like I sorta saw this grow from the seed it was on the contest thread to what it is now.

To be honest… I know the CC in your story was a bit of an afterthought and you had that issue with the hair change, but I kind of have mixed feelings about you including it. On one hand, I love the effort you’ve gone to with the limb overlays. But on the other hand, there’s your art scenes and the bubbles … So yeah, I’m on the fence. It doesn’t really change anything in regards to how great the story is.

I also had a few scenes where your overlays popped up first before going into place. Some scenes it was more noticeable than others, which are the ones I specified, whereas others could be easily missed if the reader blinks, you know? It’s not something I would worry about because I’m finding overlays are just a bit glitchy atm anyway, so I get the feeling only a few people will see the millisecond lag like me and everyone else will be fine. So, yeah. Don’t stress! It was great.

Prediction: on the event this doesn’t win the contest for some weird reason, I see it being featured on a shelf instead. I’ve made this prediction before and I’ve been right. I’m like a psychic

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That’s totally fine! I was planning on squeezing the MC ones in anyway. Just let me know when you’re ready :smiley:

Can I click the heart a million times? Thank you SO much for all your effort and your thoughts. I know I can’t win this contest with 600 reads, but I’ve received so many great messages with encouragement I am going to continue this story! It’s going to throw the readers off balance many more times, I’m sorry but I have plans for this little 17-year-old MC!
To answer your questions:
James is wearing shoes but the only tan pants in LL are extra baggy and go over his shoes.
I think you’re right about not giving Esther painkillers. You’re not her doctor…
I fixed the hair-thing.
Do you have ANY IDEA how freaking large those aspiration needles are? I fainted during the research. Bllllleeeeeech!
I can send you the bunkbeds if you like but don’t ask me where I got them. No idea.
I think in war no one really cares how old you are, you just do what needs to be done. And 17 is a beautiful age for touching a penis for the first time, no?
Now that I read that sentence again I know what you mean with restructure… I’ll look at it!
Aw James… you don’t think he really loves her? Or does he?
I read the fifth episode about 50 times and I just didn’t know where to add more choices! The same in episode 6…
I don’t care much for CC but I added it for the reader. I know it’s hard for some people to identify themselves with someone who doesn’t look like them at all. It’s a visual story, so I feel I had to.
I know I’ve used & for all the overlays and gave them a position in the first line of the new scene but I might have to take some classes somewhere how I can change it. It bothers me a lot.

Okay, now I’m thinking your questions were rhetorical and I sound like a stalker (again)… :joy:
Thank you once again :heart: for your honesty and encouragement.

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Hahahahaha, even I don’t know if they’re rhetorical :sweat_smile:

Anyway, let’s keep this back and fourth going for a bit…
How’s you fix the hair thing? Did they reply to your ticket? Coz I had a similar ticket related question and it was “escalated to Liz” over a week ago :pensive:
Yeah um. Idc for needles. Glad you’re doing the research and not me. Thank you, next.
Good point. No one does care about age in war. Just Amberose gets curious when it comes to episode wars. Hahahaha.
Omggggggggg you really went there :open_mouth: Speaking from experience? :smirk:
Ok, as for James loving her… Yes, I do think he does love her. I actually have a few predictions now. One of them being that MC’s mother is Russian. Another is that based on how much I “choose” to trust James will determine whether he dies. Feel free to reply with the zipped lips emoji because I know you won’t say. But I’m guessing since this is first and foremost a romance story, I know that even if James is shifty now, he’s ultimately going to do what’s best for MC. If he doesn’t, I’ll hunt you down and make you change it to drama genre.
Yeah, I know what you mean. If you’re not against “pointless” choices, one could have been when they get to the bottom of the elevator and she mentions how she knows level 5 is… Wrath? Was it wrath? That was pretty much the only place I thought was a good spot for a choice because I didn’t know wrath so it would be a bit of a guessing game/learning choice for the reader. Anyway…
Aww I hate seeing people say they feel like they had to add CC just for the reader :sleepy: I’m sure most readers wouldn’t identify with seeing them as a 17 year old in the middle of war washing a stranger’s dick too though :joy: I kid, I kid.
Ok, your comment alone makes me think it’s just a glitchy lag thing with some devices. If no one else has said anything, don’t sweat it. But I did just now read episode 6 and again I saw James’ car pop up before going to place. Only for a split second. Idk what is going on with the overlays… But I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done.
Speaking of episode 6… I have more questions…
What country is this set in? What year is this set in? How is MC so, for lack of a better word, trusting of this new group of people? Sure they took her in and yeah, the map and all lead her there, so it’s probably safe. But DAD SAID NOT TO TRUST ANYONE. ANYONE. And I haven’t forgot that even though I previously mentioned that I also didn’t trust dad. Wow I am scared for myself and my trust issues

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Uh oh, someone said I could take the hair thing out without problems… Is it too big to be just a little fix? Aw well, I wasn’t going to win anyway.

I think I was 17, maybe 18. No definitely 18.

Okay… :zipper_mouth_face:

Hey, if they can identify being pregnant by their millionaire bad boy gangleader teacher… Kidding, too of course.

At the beginning of the story, it says 2035, Southern USA. The MC is young and naive, she goes where she was told to go even though it scares the shit out of her… She goes with the flow without asking too many questions. Had she felt less insecure she might have questioned everything and had some nice replies as she did at the field hospital, but now she’s just tired and alone. Can’t go burning bridges now, can she?
That said, she will run into less loveable people down there, even those who seem alright now might just be the next Esther (and I know how you love her).
Didn’t you trust James? Were you actually one of the few people who listened to Daddy?

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Oh and as for making the levels of Hell a choice/ guessing game… How many people would just Google that? Which is actually a great read, got to love me some Dante’s Inferno :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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IDK, I wasn’t sure so I submitted a ticket. Mine was about an outfit change though.

16 myself :shushing_face:

Lol, that one’s sooooo not a joke. Them 13 year olds love some relatable kidnapping plots :joy:

Wait, it did? Ohhhh I’m sorry I missed that :pleading_face:
Ok, that makes sense. And you know what? After walking without socializing for two weeks, I’d probably forget to question these people too.

Well, ignored Dad that one time and did choose to trust James. Was the bad?

I honestly don’t know. I haven’t googled anything episode related since the Demi Lovato stories were still being updated… Do people still google episode questions? lol :laughing:

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:joy: I really should try to write one of those. Nah, I’d probably get cramp from all the cringing. But seriously, I do see a layer coming up with a powerful rich man with a bad boy attitude for my 17-year-old to break because she is poor and sassy. And then he can’t be with her because you know, heartbreak. But in the end he loves her too much to stay away, so yay happy ending. :crystal_ball:

:woman_shrugging: you missed out on a good fight…

And eeehm Demi who?

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What are you doing to me??? :fearful:

Demi Lovato? For real? You never read these? They’re in the Hollywood Section on the app

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Sorry. No… Should I read them? Otherwise I’ll just continue writing episode 7. I have suddenly got such inspiration… :joy:

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Nah, don’t bother. Lots of choices that get rejected and expensive clothes.
Ahhh, why does that scare me :sweat_smile:

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But I love showing up at a Hollywood party in my pajama’s and have everybody think I’m an idiot…
And if this prediction comes true I’ll credit you for the inspiration. Don’t worry, I will get you more minions. :joy:

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Then it’s a must read.
I’m still worried :grimacing: lol, more minions :smile:

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Hey there! Could I be added to the waitlist? I would love to get your feedback :laughing::heart:

story details:

It would mean the absolute world to me if you could check out my Missed Connections entry, MC: The Cocoa Exchange, by Sleepy Dreamer :slight_smile:

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Addison Li always thought she’d be spending Valentine’s Day alone – until she meets a beautiful stranger through a lucky coincidence, that is.

4 endings :wink:

story link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6195867588558848

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Hi , this is our contest entry: MC: Between Worlds. Thank you once again for making this thread and I hope you enjoy reading our story! (It really means the world to us!)

Title: MC: Between Worlds

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Author: TheBaddestBois
Instagram: @thebaddestbois (We post Art!)
Synopsis: You’ve been playing the popular, pretty, good-doer while hiding your obsession with the afterlife. He’s not quite from the living realm; a lost person falling deeper into despair. Will you catch him? Or will you fall with him?
Features: Special Art Scenes, Full MC customization, LL , custom overlays and backgrounds
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5976966935674880

We’re just starting out so we wish to gain as much feedback as possible to improve quickly! Thank you!

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