Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Oh good. I’m so glad to hear this :slight_smile:

@BadBoyBillionaireBBB - Between Worlds

  • So to start off with, you ask for the readers name, but then recommend not to change the MC’s look. It would feel a bit weird if someone gave the MC their own name but then felt discouraged to change the MC to also look like them. I usually prefer no CC or limited CC rather than full CC that is discouraged.

  • Wow, this introduction scene is kinda intense, but I also quite like it! Especially those word overlays

  • WOAH Ghosts?! Ok, I’m hooked, let’s see what you’ve got

  • 7 bucks for a movie? Wow, where?

  • Omigosh, the effort you went to with the popcorn overlay! Amazing

  • Ok, that outro thing with the ghost and the apple looked awesome. I was a little confused with the looping background and first and I’m not sure how I felt about him talking to the screen. If that’s a continual thing, I’ll be fine with it because it can be used like a uniform. But anyway, the apple getting tossed in the air looked so cool.

  • I am a little confused with this recording scene. He is being interviewed now?

  • I love this dancing on top of buildings scene!

  • Hahahaha the old man

  • Lol, so most people who know me know I don’t care much for art scenes, but I absolutel love the way you added those leaves in.

  • I don’t understand why e’s pushing her away though?

  • Ok, I feel like I got a semi-glimpse as to his personality now

  • AWWW He saved her!

  • Did I miss something? Is he alive now? I feel like I must have missed something while typing

  • I’m laughing at your outfit choice names

  • Well the museum backgrounds are beautiful and now I know he is still a ghost lol

  • Did I mention how much I liked the drowning scene where he saves her? I think I forgot, but the ocean overlay looked great and so did MC’s animation.

  • I like that you changed his name to K once you named him.

  • Holy moly, these overlays as MC is running are amazing!!

  • Weird but I quite like Astrid’s costume hahaha

  • Aha, I loved that little hand flip Astrid and MC did to add their glasses back on to their outfits

  • I don’t like Sean lol

  • Ooh, but nice arm overlay

  • Ahhh ok, I’m so conflicted because the rape vibes are strong but the directing is flawless lol

  • Thank you for giving two choices that both have the MC fight off Sean. You have no idea how much I needed to see that in a story after reading too many where there’s a choice to “give in”. I really appreciate you doing that. I’m worried that it ended there though. What a cliff hanger. But the glasses dropping looked amazing

Overall, I think this was a really good story. The directing is flawless and quite advanced, you’ve got a decent amount of choices in each episode and the length is perfect in my opinion. Your custom backgrounds were a nice touch too. My only issue is that I am not really sure what ghost-guy was doing at the end of episode one and towards the beginning of episode 2… Is he in a show? Something like that? I think that part needs clearer explaining, but everything else is basically on point. I look forward to reading more

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@zapcV - Inner Circle

Random side note to start off with, I searched “Inner Circle” on the app, but your story was hidden behind these Gossip Girl knock off and I did some snooping and the author is like, so rude in his fanmails LOL…

Anyway, found it eventually, so here we go…

  • Love the warning for tablet users. A warning more people should include in my opinion.

  • I’m a sucker for the rich kind of snobby MC’s and from the private jet, I have a feeling that’s what she is… (and your description lol), so I’m pretty interested already. The suitcase overlays were a nice touch too.

  • I like that you gave us a glimpse of the MC’s personality before the CC. I don’t think the campus is the best location for it? Or maybe it is but you just need to add something that’s basically putting a pause to the background world. Not sure if you’ve read the new featured story College-ish, but they added a blurred background overlay to the background. Something like that would look so cool in your story, if that’s something you’re interested in.

  • Your CC is a bit all over the place. I’m not sure what the reason for the limited skin tones was? But you were also missing a lot of the new features too, which struck me as odd since you said that if there is new features added, that’s when you will add them in.

  • The way you introduced the ‘inner circle’. I picked Ruth btw. It kinda felt like, idk, professional. Like as crap as the episode official stories are, this is one thing they usually do right and that’s how I felt reading this. You introduced your characters, gave enough background knowledge and it didn’t feel forced, so nice work

  • Ah the splashes at the end were cut off a bit at the top and bottom. … And I’m on phone, not tablet lol

  • Eh, I get your thing about changing it from high school to college but leaving the uniform, but I wouldn’t have bothered adding the note about it… Then again, I have seen lots of people bitch and moan about uniforms in college stories so maybe that disclaimer was needed?

  • Ah, I really like that if we went to the wrong floor, you deleted that floor when the choices came up again

  • Ooh nice background.

  • I think you maybe want to give Paige a walking animation so that when MC says she stormed in, it sounds right. It didn’t really look like she stormed in with the way it’s directed currently.

  • Paige checking to see she’s not backing out hahahhaha. Why did this make me laugh so much? And her saying nobody double crosses her? Too funny.

  • I’m enjoying the range of your choices. Like the asking about Ruth or talking about myself or showering. It’s only something small and I don’t think it will end up changing me ending (right?) But it still feels impactful on that scene.

  • That’s the spirit hahahah lol I get it.

  • Have to admit, you’ve got me hooked with these little bits of mystery. MC and her mystery texted, Ruth and all the phone calls, even Paige not telling MC the full story lol. It’s very intriguing.

  • I think MC might facing the wrong way now? She’s not facing Paige any more but is still talking to Paige.

  • Bahaha I’m laughing at this “complex plan” lol

  • There’s a couple of layering issues with Alexa when MC is kissing and then when when MC runs off after kiss, I can see she’s also not changed layers so a few of the BG characters get in the way too. Luckily you zoom quicker than MC walks, but the Alexa one is pretty noticeable.

  • After the phone call, Ruth briefly disappears. Her speechbubble is there, but she’s not on screen.

  • The To Be Continued overlay at the end is new, isn’t it? Nice cliff hanger btw

  • Oof, you know there’s a five f-word per episode limit? And this one thought bubble right after the texting scene contains all five. You will need to change that.

  • Just thinking… That’s a really plain car considering all these students are supposed to be quite rich

  • There’s been like 9 f-bombs so far :no_mouth:

  • 10 :persevere:

  • During the outfit selection, every time I go back to see the other options, I hear a door slam noise. You may want to move the sound to the other side of the label

  • I’m not sure when you uploaded episode 4, but I noticed the new short hairstyles are missing. I’m guessing that you must have updated before that release though? Hahaha, so I guess it will be in episode 5? Anyway, good on you for integrating it into the story line.

  • Oh love the fade at the cinemas. It’s realism.

  • “Announcer chick” hahahaha (Also, if that character is Muslim, her legs she probably be covered with pants)

  • Woah, that was a strange tappable thing. Did you upload overlays of their faces? Or is there a transparent one in front of them?

  • A few of the paparazzi were at the wrong layers during that photo scene. Also, I’m a little surprised you didn’t turn that into a “take-a-photo-and-tag-me-on-IG” moment, it would have been a good spot for it haha :smiley:

  • Alexa and Troy? Wow, I thought they were going to get together, not be revealed to be exes. I am shook

  • Troy says “And bye the way” - you’ve used the wrong by/bye.

  • “All I know comes from Gossip Girl” hahahaha, ironic you say this considering the GG rip off I found by searching for your story.

Well, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Idc that they wear uniforms to college or that MC hasn’t gone to class yet, hahaha. It’s the kind of drama story I like. You just have a nice Episode-ish way of formatting your story and I love it. There are those few points that I mentioned that I think would enhance your story, but eh, if you choose not to take my advice I’ll probably keep reading it. One question though… If I didn’t pick Ruth at the beginning and chose the other girl, what would have happened?

3 Likes

Damnnn, we really didn’t think of this. Lesson learned. Yikes. :sweat_smile:

It’s the student rate in Singapore. :thinking: Is it more expensive in Australia?

In a way we wanted to show K talking to himself, but if he didn’t talk to the camera it would seem more unusual in our point of view. So… sigh… Maybe we could have gone about it in a different way. Thank you! Honestly, the apple scene is still one of our favourite scenes.

:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: Thank you they were a pain, but I’m glad at least one person noticed this AHAHAHA. :kissing_heart:

Same : ')

THANK YOU. We spent like 30 minutes finding the animation and making it perfectly transparent. I think I had to reupload the dang thing 3 times to finally get it perfect :ok_hand:

Ommpff. Is that a compliment? But We laughed so hard at this omg.

Hmm, K was supposed to break the 4th wall. Hahaha We need to work on that lmao. :disappointed_relieved:

Oh do you think our directing is abrupt? Especially when we cut to parts with different backgrounds? (Like the part where Sean turned his back to Mc and got rid of his cup before facing her again?)

Thank you for your compliments omg :kissing_closed_eyes: It really feels great coming from you. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: We try to make our directing as cinematic as possible with as little mistakes as possible. Thank you. We feel validated! :sob: (Especially after reviewing every episode for days on end, ompff I’m tearing up.)

:cupid: The Baddest Bois

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okay so i did NOT know that so now I have to go change it (rip). thanks for pointing it out though!!!

Also, if I change it will I make my readers have to reread the first three episodes??

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there were transparent ones over them, strangely enough a lot of others ran into some problems with that too but when i tested it it worked perfectly so that’s weird

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If you didn’t choose ruth, the other girl turns out kinda bitchy so u end up choosing ruth anyways… lol honestly I was too lazy to code if you could choose your best friend, but if you choose the mean girl you get a nice anecdote to talk about with people

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Yeah lol. For a while it was like twenty bucks, so everyone stopped going to the movies coz that’s expensive. I think student rates only made it $18? Then I found these dodgey cinemas that had $6 tickets but it was a bit of a drive… now my local cinemas has gone down to $10 so it’s alright. I can’t really complain. But when I first started dating my bf, tickets being $20 each… YIKES! But yeah, I wasn’t a student, so now that I think about $7 is fine.

Oh it is :blush:

Ok, so the thing that struck me with this I think, was the camera then. I wouldn’t have it look like he’s being filmed in a show. Then I would also say to do it once per Episode so it’s like a systematic thing that people can expect.

I’m not sure what you mean by abrupt? Are you talking about cutting to different backgrounds within the same scene? Because if that’s what you mean, I’d say it’s not abrupt. It felt natural. More cinematic, which as you mentioned is what you want to achieve

Aw, you guy guys are so welcome! :kissing_heart: And this part makes me feel validated too lol

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No probs. Good luck! I know it’s a pain to change, but better you do it yourself rather than someone reporting you and then episode sending you an email about it lol.

If you only edit episode 3, the only people who will need to reread will be the people who haven’t spent a pass on episode 4 yet so are still technically in episode 3, for example.

Ah tappables are finicky. I’ve used them and never had a problem but so many other people have readers who can’t work them. Maybe you need an option to help people move on? Like use the “else” so if reader taps the blank space NARRATOR could ask if they want to pick a friend via the old fashioned way of a choice?

Bahaha lol, fair enough. I was wondering if this whole time you were coding two different BFFs lol.

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Thank you for doing this!

Here’s my story details :point_down:t3:
Story Title: In a Starry Night
Author Name: Fatima Al star
Style: Limelight
Genre: Romance/drama
Episodes: 7 (more coming soon!)
Story Description (long): Rose goes thorough a lot of tragic things in her life. All she wants is to live a happy and peaceful life. She never expects that she is a queen of a magic world! (Choices matter)
Instagram Name: @fatima_stories
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5756418218131456

Story cover

demi_lovato_GHBP_posterThumb_tzhq0N9Iav

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@TalGordin - Catching Coal

Well, I actually had your story on my read list before you requested hahaha. Not sure why (I think coz I have seen you post on forums about it), but except the colour yellow to be weirdly relevent.

  • Ah, your revamp splash is smart. I probably need one of those myself lol. It does make me wonder how much you want me to read though? I probably will not be able to read all 27 for this review, but I’m not sure if you want me to only look at the episodes that have been revamped? Anyway, I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.

  • How is that glowey thing changing colours? WOW

  • The tappables for the sound choice was cool. I admire you for giving that choice tbh. I see it as too much effort haha

  • Oh and that background with the bars changing height looked really cool too. Can’t believe the story hasn’t even started and I’ve already said so much lol.

  • So the thing is though… I know a lot of author’s give CC when they don’t want to because they know there’s people out there who will refuse to read a story without CC… but when you include it and then encourage readers not to CC the characters, I just feel it’s then weird to advertise it as a CC story. And by including it on your large cover, that’s what it feels like you are doing. Idk maybe it’s just because I’m more of an advocate for author’s to do what they want and not include CC because they feel like they have to :woman_shrugging:

  • I thought that was a nice segway to learning more about Coal and flashbacks were done well.

  • Hehehe, sorry, but I am noticing your BG characters in the school hallway are all wearing default outfits. I’d recommend changing them up a bit

  • Love these OTS shots with the door scene…

  • Skeleton-mask guys says “Your mother wasn’t killed she was murdered” and I know what you mean, you’re saying it was a planned murder not a breaking and robbery gone wrong. But kill and murder are used interchangeably so expect a few wankers like me to mention that haha

  • The knife overlays are awesome. You are so dedicated!

  • Ahhh, some yellow. I see it now

  • Wow, I’m still on episode one?

  • Ah, ok. It came full circle now to where we started. Nice pilot. Good pace. If every episode is as long as that one, I’ll truly be floored.

  • And I just did a little sneak peek at your profile and saw you list your update dates? WOW! So many readers would love if all authors did that I bet… Also, since you said up to episode 4 of the revamp is up… I might only read those for now? Especially if they are long like that.

  • I am a rebel and I read the questions out of order lol, but then I got confused coz they started walking and I was worried it was because I read them out of order… Then when Coal and Arden sit down and she says she wasn’t finished, I realised what you’d done, and it’s freaking genius, I have to say. That, as well as you giving a “you already asked that” notification is really appreciated.

  • Ahhhh, I feel like with this choice - the one at Sam’s place about how I know Arden - like all of my options are going to be the wrong thing, but your reader message gives me faith that one must be “right”

  • Oh well, I definitely picked the wrong thing hahaha, still. I’m impressed by how much Arden managed to get Sam to tell without exposing who Coal really is.

  • I think there was a small error in this next scene. I could see Coal’s mirror reflection on the right before she officially entered the scene

  • Sierra’s file looked pretty pro

  • Wow that’s a lot of security guards hahaha.

  • Arden kneeling and saying “Can I borrow that?” Lol, made me laugh.

  • Nice spot directing Coal as she walks up to the house. Shame about that one blondie who’s lying on the stairs. If only we had a passed-out-on-stairs animation

  • Story mode and game mode? Wow, what is this? Such an innovative idea!

  • I love with the pictures that you’ve added dates.

  • The one thing that irked me about searching the bedroom though is that computer chair. Just looks weird for Coal to walk in front of it.

  • Woah, what is this video effect thing? :eyes: HOW did you do this?

  • Now… I do want to know though… Is this Sierra’s recording? Because to me it sounded like she wasn’t expecting to have that particular conversation, so idk why she would have been recording in the first place? Will this be explained later?

  • Omg they totally did “it” after the recording finished, didn’t they? Hahahaha :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

  • Wait, back up… how did you flip the letters like that? :hushed:

  • Oh nice, your art scene reflects the chosen outfit

  • Aaand the recording has been explained, cool :+1:

  • If Arden says it’s his dad, I swear…

  • AHH IT’S HIS DAD! Ok, the plot thickens

  • Well now I am curious… Are Arden and Coal the same age? I can’t remember now if it’s been mentioned yet, but if they are… Does that me Andrew got Arden’s mum pregnant while being in love with Sierra?

  • When Arden asks where Coal thinks the cabin might be, it would probably be better to have actual options instead of options 1, 2, 3 and 4, since I really didn’t know what I was picking.

  • Oh ok. I was not expecting them to get ambushed. … I wasn’t expecting them to be the undead either hahah, you definitely caught me by surprise there.

  • Wow did her eyes gradually change to pink or are my eyes playing tricks on me?

  • Ah the art scene looks so cool where the background with the other undead are blurred. It really helps bring the focus to Alex.

Ok, so I am going to leave the review there since that was the end of the revamped episodes. I did really like it though and look forward to reading more. Your episodes are quite long which I’m sure a lot of people will love, there’s a nice balance of mystery and action weaved in too and your directing is amazing - there were so many scenes that stood out to me and I’m only 4 episodes in so I can’t imagine what else you’ve got planned. You must be super proud of your revamps so far! If you did want me to check out the unrevamped ones, just say the word :slight_smile:

Episode 5 continuation… (hehe lol)

  • Wow, I can’t believe how that all turned out tbh. I guess… I sort of always imagine these situations put authors in a corner and give them nowhere to go, but Alex saving them both was a smart move.

  • Oooh, I notice that picture/photograph in Alex’s house and recognize a few of the other characters… I’m betting it’s relevant.

  • Awww, I felt so bad for Coal’s family and friends when she started talking about them and probably having police looking for her by now. I hope they come back into the story.

  • Hehehe “Yes.” vs. “Yes?” :rofl:

  • Aww, the clothes overlay to warm Sierra up! So cute.

  • Ok, I’m very invested in Sierra and Alex’s love story. Please write a prequel, thanks.

@TalGordin I just added episode 5 to the end of this. It was only short because like I said, I was invested in Sierra and Alex hehe

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Thank you so much for the great review! :grin: I’ll make sure to go over the scenes again and correct the thingsyou mentioned above :wink:
Also, just one little thing- Chapter 5 is actually revamped too :relaxed: Did I forget to delete the “This is where the revamp stops” at the end of chapter 4? :scream:

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Aaaah, yes, I did forget to do that!
@amberose I Just deleted that message but I haven’t updated the story yet because I don’t know if you’d like to read chapter 5 as well. You totally don’t have to, I know my chapters are super long :joy: Just let me know if you plan on reading it because I don’t want you to be sent back to the beginning of chapter 4 just for that :see_no_evil:

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Wow, you replied fast! And, yes, I’d love to read it. Thank you for letting me know :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: You have no idea how much I appreciate you not updating it so I don’t have to reread, hahaha. I’ve just loaded episode 5 now btw, so you can update it

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No problem, thanks for letting me know :grin:

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Hahaha, thank you so much! :grin::slight_smile:
And actually, there is a prequel for Alex and Sierra in chapters 18-19! It was meant to be one chapter but it ended up being 100 word pages for just the dialogue (???:exploding_head: Still shocked that this actually happened lol) so I divided it into two chapters :see_no_evil:
Thanks again, I had a lot of fun reading your thoughts! :slight_smile::heart:

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Yeew! Music to my ears, can’t wait to read it :blush:

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Would u please review my story

Details

Title: The Star Necklace

Description: you are the most rich girl in your country in addition you’re famous but what happens when the Star Necklace uncovers your true identity

Genere: Drama

Style : ink

Author: Mayah

Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6248660515487744

Instagram: @maya.wiliams0

Cover:

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Hi @amberose, thanks for agreeing to do a review on my first ever Episode story and thanks to @Annieways for referring me to here. :pray::heart_eyes:

Title: Crimson Red

Author: NewEpisodeFanatic

Episodes: 3 [ONGOING]

Genre: Romance / Fantasy / Drama

Style: Limelight

Description: “A love story set in a fantasy world. We follow the story of Crimson Red Ruby, the fearless leader of the Ruby realm, and the love, lust and passion that ensues.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/newepisodefanatic/

Link to my story: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4869484986302464

Cover:
Crimson%20Red%20cover%20insta1

2 Likes

I have a story idea and if u can help message me on Instagram @real.quadrick i really need this and u can take credit for it idc as long as it works

1 Like