Oh my gosh, I’m responding so late, I feel bad 
I’m pretty sure it should be the same link as before. It’s not a different story, so I don’t think it should’ve changed. 
1 Like
@Farah_DeSantis - The Dark Club
-
Please please please please don’t start with an author’s note! Especially to explain that English is not your first language! It’s not something you should apologize for. People need to stop forgetting how much of an accomplishment it is to write and code a whole story on episode in a language that is not your first. So yeah, don’t be sorry.
-
Freaky! Kate looks almost identical to me
-
Ah, the coffee background looks so good.
-
When Brian breaks up with Kate, he uses the wrong breake/brake. It should be the one I’ve just used.
-
Also, since this is a flashback, you might want to change Kate’s outfit.
-
I’m kinda laughing at this whole sex club talk
-
When CJ said “You can dance if you want to” - I started thinking of this song https://youtu.be/0QDKLglEP5Y lol
-
Geez, CJ is bold
-
Hahaha, ok so this might be a weird comment but so far I am getting like 50 shades of grey kind of vibe. Not sure if that was your intention, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing… Just an observation I am picking up on based on how a few conversations were worded.
-
I really love all of your backgrounds. That reception was is cute AF.
-
Is that Brian in the background?
-
Oh, it is! Hahaha.
-
I love how you included Mr Drake’s CC and slipped it into the storyline
-
Small typo when Kate’s busy having an anxiety attack in front of Mr Drake (lol) - you missed one of the L’s in “yellow”
-
Also forgot the E and the end of “good bye”
-
CJ says “newer” liked him. It should be “never”.
-
I love the costumes and I love the club. Great job at spotting!
-
SKsksks, okay with that author interruption, I was about to tell you how blah blah blah don’t do it but now knowing that you’re substituting the helmet as an eagle mask… I understand lol. I understand.
-
You have spelled “hello” as “hallo” - not sure if this is because you want to give the character a type of accent or if it’s just a typo haha
-
One hour hotel LOL. I just find this whole concept mized with Kate’ innocence kind of funny actually. It makes me laugh
-
Hahahaha, the way she fell and then crawl was funny - nice spotting, it was smooth
Ok, so I’m not reading three since there was that little message at the beginning. I quite liked it and I didn’t think I was going to after I made the 50 shades comparison (sorry, again) lol. Your directing was flawless, I felt like episodes were a good length and that conversations flowed well. There were a few typo and grammar errors, but I still knew what you meant and it didn’t make the story hard to follow. Honestly, if you are worried, you could get a proof-reader and they could check it over for you too. Just… I don’t know what your plans are but like obvs I’m expecting the VIP rooms to get a lot of use so just make sure you follow the guidelines when the time comes. Anyway, let me know when it’s out, I’m kinda keen to see where this goes 
3 Likes
Not late at all! HAHAHA, I just saw it in my app with “SNEAK PEEK” added to it so I wasn’t sure if you had a different link for the whole story and the link I have was some kind of tester one lol. But no worries 
1 Like
THANK YOU!!!
It is really hard to be able to see if the writing / story telling itself is understandable and believable for the reader…so I really needed this feedback! You pumped me up to go on.
Thanks.
And yes and no… regarding the 50 shades …yes sex plays a role in this story but I am not intending to make it too explicit … and it is not the main aim what should be the story about even it might look so… also yes you should have laugh there that was my intention.
I want to have there this kind of humor line to not make it too heavy. But telling more would be a spoiler I guess.
I will for sure let you know when it is out. I am now working on story for the clue contest but as soon as it is finished I am going back to this story.
If you liked the Dark club and how I write maybe you will like the contest story too…it is more aimed on younger readers. But I dont want to misuse your feedback for selfpromoting.
1 Like
Awwwww this made me so happy to read
Love this! I get the feeling you won’t misuse sex in your story too so I have no doubt you’ll be able to balance it.
Hahahaha! Oh don’t worry too much about that. This thread is a mess anyway. If you scroll up higher you’ll see in January we were even talking about layering issues in my story even hahahaha. But seriously, if you want me to review your clue entry is be happy to as well 
Thanks for taking the time to review my story! 
Truly, I was waiting for this!
These words mean a lot to me. Thanks! For a while, I was thinking about stopping writing… But after time, I think I will keep writing
Oh, I know. I already put underwear there. But I have to upload it after I will finish the next episode.
I thought there are five or maybe six words… but maybe missed some. I will check it again.
I wanna add more about MC in these episodes, but I am trying to not make it look dumb or to give too much information at once. Just like you said it can give away a lot of the mystery.
That’s a good idea! I will think hard how to add this to the description… I am really bad at it…
2 Likes
LOL OK than.
So the other story is: Clue: Secret of the necklace
Author: Farah DeSantis & Grace
Story description: Marbel finds a mysterious necklace, hidden in a book, which is dedicated to someone with the same name as her. Was the book left there for her or someone else?
We are now going to do some adjustments but till you will have time for it for sure will be finished. .)
Awwwww I’m glad to hear it
Bahhahahaha ok lol
Don’t worry. We all are. It’s hard to sum up your story into the description boxes since there’s that pesky character limit. But honestly, if you play around with it, you might find one that does enough establishing that you don’t actually need to add anything into the first episode like I was originally suggesting lol
1 Like
Ok, no worries. Since it’s for the contest, do you want me to check if before the deadline in case there’s anything you want to change? Coz normally I only get contest story requests after the deadline, but since I’m more prepared now it’s up to you
Well if you really do have time it would be great! Its already published but the deadline for changes is 3.june. so we still can adjust it if necessary. But we are just adjusting things so maby go in not before monday?
1 Like
Wait, if it said Sneak Peek, then I think that is a different one 
I could’ve sworn I sent the actual link for the story when I asked for a review the first time back in September, but I guess I gave you the test one instead, my bad 
Try this one instead, if you’d be so kind~ : https://episode.app.link/pLgVd1SWJW
1 Like
Hahahaha lol
1 Like
@a.d.episode - Providence continued…
-
Gah, I see you still have your author note
-
Awww I remember reading this first part. Memories!
-
I have to say I don’t usually like narration but you definitely have a way with words. I actually feel like I’m reading something very smart and thought provoking
-
The dream sequence was amazing… Very intriguing… I low-key have no idea what’s going on but in a good way. Same type of thing I said the first time. It’s like I’m interested to learn more.
-
Gah, the airport spotting was amazing!
Okay so I didn’t really have much to say this time either. You’re directing, narration and dialogue is really impressive - way more advanced than I expect from someone’s first story. It’s not too long in length either but it does kind of suck that you start with an author note and end with an author note.
And, uh, I’m not sure why you published with just the one episode? If you don’t have the minimum three and episode finds it, they will suspend it until you actually do have three episodes 
So just be weary of that
But yeah, was an intriguing read. I’m keen to read more just like I was before lol. I really can’t fault what you have so far 
3 Likes
@LadyBirdEpisode - Untouchable
I’ve had this story on my list for a while now. I meant to read it before it was featured but never had the time and now here we are
-
Love the intro! Very simple but elegant looking too.
-
Wow, your directing is outstanding and we’re only at the prologue (I’m not sure if that’s what I should call it, but I’m talking about the backstory)
-
Hmmm… I get a weird vibe from this Logan guy. I know my choices might make him a friend or a more than friend but I feel really judged by him. I’m not sure I want to be either
I just want my Priya to study and get good grades. So many people take education for granted and she doesn’t want to be there just for parties and she’s getting shamed for it? Doesn’t he know what a big deal this is for some people?? -
And now I kinda feel like he’s testing my patience
It’s just the way he’s wording his questions. Maybe that’s just how he is as a journalist but it’s not sitting right with me… Sorry 
-
Also a little disappoint I lost points for saying I was lucky haha. I was just being modest. And based off what she was saying before, it sounded like Priya also thought she was selected just by chance.
-
And now he’s reading her diary? Oh Logan is cancelled!
-
Nathan and Logan have now both called her “The Indian Girl” and this seems like such a weird… nickname(?) to me, lol. The majority of the popularity in my suburb is actually mostly Indian, so I’m sorry if this sounds ignorant of me to ask, but are there really so few Indians in America? Or is it just because her story has been floating around a lot in the media that they all know her by this label?
-
Well shit, Mariam looks like she’s in trouble
-
Whoops, I didn’t get the bonus scene. Probably because I wasn’t picking up what Logan was putting down
-
I love how you use blue text for the phone calls.
-
LOL I see some ink clothes in the wardrobe hahaha
-
Well frick, I’m taking Trish’s advice about Logan. Based off your story’s description, it sounds like Priya’s going to have enough drama in her life. She doesn’t need to get played by him too.
-
See, this feels different know that we know that Priya actually does (or might) have a passion for something else other than becoming a doctor or lawyer. Before… I could have fully believed she wanted to be a doctor just as much as Michael wants her to be and I didn’t like the way Logan seemed to be pressuring her into having other goals. Now knowing she’s a writer makes it a little different. However I’m still not a fan of how Logan approached it.
-
Huh, I got the bonus scene this time? How?
-
I’m laughing so much at me rejecting Logan for a kiss. I can’t believe he said I was lying? Pfft.
-
I’m just thinking about how awkward it is for Trish and Nathan to both be potential love interests and yet here they are kissing each other in front of Priya
-
Oooh and another bonus scene too! … Ok, so assuming the bonus scene I missed from episode 1 was also about Neil… Are these important for the story line? Should I be trying to see unlock these because they will help me later on? Because I feel like if I had missed this one in episode 2, I would have had no idea who Neil was other than somebody texting her that was making her feel awkward.
-
So is the professor also a love interest?
-
I really hope all of this stuff about Michael is a lie…
-
Soooooo… what I am gathering from Logan’s confession now is probably that in Episode 1 I felt so attacked because he has his own issues about people making decisions for others already, seeing as that’s what’s going on with his dad and him… Right?
-
And I’m also learning that I shouldn’t pursue any of these love interests lol. Too much drama and too much history there hahahaha
-
I loved the flashback at the beginning of epiosde 4
-
Excuse me!!! Curry Girl? Wow. Is this really New York? Surely this is not the first time these kids have met someone from India
-
Am I supposed to know the answers to these questions? Were they said in the story and I just forgot? Oooops…
-
Professor Johnson says he doesn’t care who Priya is or where she’s from but he clearly does or he wouldn’t have made that comment about the budget?
-
Oh you bet I chose the snap at Random Clueless Preppy option.
-
So… in episode one I am shamed for wanting to study instead of party and now in episode 4, they’re telling me I shouldn’t be here because I got two timed choices wrong
Man, I am struggling. I feel like no matter what I choose, it’s wrong. -
When we go to Logan’s POV, Pamela looks like she’s scaled too bog for the desk she is sitting behind
-
Logan’s winning me over in this scene where he’s defending Priya and calling her a hero… AW!
-
Also, in that scene, when Logan is facing the reader and Max has his back turned, Logan looks a little too big… I think the picture frame on the desk throws the scaling off
-
HFR = high functioning retard? I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a joke or something. I didn’t pick that option so idk what happens in that branch but I don’t really think that’s the best word you could have used for an alternative to the right answer.
-
I agree with Logan tbh. His dad seems to have a bone to pick with Michael and it seems like there’s more to it
-
Umm wow @ the beginning of episode 5. The shadow of the clouds is to die for!
-
Oh, Mariam’s alive! So who’s body was it that they found in the other episode?
Man, my thoughts were all over the place with your story. Damn love interests messing with my head and giving me trust issues. But love interest drama aside, I found it very interesting. I can’t even predict where this is heading at the moment. But as I mentioned throughout, I loved your directing. Even the way you integrated narration throughout it was beautiful. I can see why so many people have raved about your story.
2 Likes
Thanks so so much!
1 Like
YOU DIDN’T JOKE ABOUT THE “LIVE” THING!
I LOVED IT!
I took notes on your “technical” advices. I’ll try to replay from a different device bc I didn’t notice the directing mistakes you mentioned so I’m sort of freaking out!
And about the HFR thing you mentioned, that option leads to a scene where Logan gets confused over what she said and explains to her that it’s an offensive term. It had more of an educational purpose otherwise I wouldn’t have left it there.
Yes, you got Logan figured out! Or important 40% of him! His father controls him a lot so that’s one of the reasons he often seems to push Priya out of her comfort zone.
AMEN TO THE SNAP OPTION!
The bonus scene from chapter 1 is about Priya and her sister and a conversation they had before Priya left for the US! It doesn’t depend on how you treat Logan but on the answers you get right.
Sad fun fact: the insults are based on real situations that happened with some people from India that help me as consultants for this story whenever I sense I need their help with info.
Yes, Professor Scott is a LI!
Onto fixing these errors now!
Thank you soooooo much! This community is lucky to have you and could use more people like you!
1 Like
Hahahaha thanks 
Don’t freak out. I’m pretty sure it was just those two times where I felt the characters were too large in comparison to the overlays in the scene. You could leave it and a lot of people wouldn’t even notice it tbh lol. It was just something I spotted.
The only thing is… There is no education for the people like me who don’t pick that option… We have no idea what your intention was with that branch. I thought you put it there as a joke and so other people will probably believe you are using that term just to mock it and be funny. I can’t imagine there would be too many people who would pick that option either. If you really want to have that in there, I wouldn’t make it a choice. I would have her say it regardless, and then have that scene play out, then offer the choice and make the third option something lighter. High functioning rabbits or something.
Oh god, that’s terrible 
Though it’s great that you have people to turn to to be able to get your message across accurately.
Hahahah, thank you 
Aww, thanks! I tried to make it bearable since I have so much of it planned during the first few episodes, haha
And I knooow about the author’s note, but I just feel like a lot of readers might (and will : P) get confused or frustrated with certain things in the story if I don’t include it 
Also, I know about the 3 episode thing, but I just couldn’t help but publish it back when I first finished the episode omg 
Thanks, for the warning though! And thanks especially for taking the time to read my story again and for your feedback, it definitely helps~ 
1 Like
Fair enough… it’s up to you. I will never not tell you that you’re better off without it though lol
hahahaha, I understand 
You’re more than welcome 
I look forward to reading more
1 Like
@TLdax913 - Dark Essence
-
Oooh I love the tappables at the start.
-
The spot placing for the CC is really good too
-
The beginning is a… dream I’m guessing?
-
Ahhhh I love that background for the class scene. Where did you get it?
-
Oooh Dark and Light points… interesting
-
Ok, I’m thinking a little more background knowledge about that prediction would have been handy before I made a choice that got me a darkness point
Though, in saying that, it’s a good kind of evil to explain it after that first choice. Lol. -
All your backgrounds are making up a really great theme throughout and it looks really great
-
So I can tell you’ve got a pretty good grasp on how overlays work and I can see you play around with the opacity a bit, but it would look even better if you had some more movement. Especially with the round ones. The Showman, for example, you could have his overlays rotate since they’re circle shaped. It would make them look more lively.
-
YESSSS, I love the use of the baby swaddle!
-
Oooooh these overlays when Kadence and Danick are making out look really cool. It’s a nice fantasy element you’ve weaved in
-
I really enjoyed Prefessor T’s class. It felt like I learned a lot of relevant information for your story… And I’m sorry Kadence but I laughed so hard when Micah knocked her over lol
-
I like this friendship dynamic going on right now. I’m not sure if Josh is meant to be a love interest, but if he’s not then props to you because the fact that you can have platonic friendships with guys and it never be anything more is almost never represented on episode.
-
I notice this picture in the background of Kristoff’s office and I feel like it’s probably important.
-
When he calls the three of them into his office, he says “…breaking into ROTH headquarters and steal the effing gem” - steal should be stealing.
-
I feel like… There’s some kind of twist to Nicolette… Like she will either be Kadence’s mother or maybe tied to Kristoff. Idk I just feel like she’s not just the villain.
-
Loved the cracked face at the end of episode 4! I do with the ‘essense’ was spinning though. I just feel like it would add so much more.
-
YES! Nicolette looking like an apparition beside the bed looked awesome.
-
Ooooh I saw one spinning
-
Omg that Kristof scene with him expecting the, cough, nurse…
The zoom up reveal was perfection
So… this is a really great story. Deserves more reads tbh. My only wish is that you rotate your overlays more LOL. But yeah, I really enjoyed this. The whole concept of your main character being technically royalty but also rebelling against her grandfather was interesting and I really loved your point system. And as I mentioned before, Josh not being a love interest really sold me. It’s just nice to have the existing romance with Danick and it feels natural. So I’m really glad that didn’t turn into a love triangle hahaha.
4 Likes