Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.I’m so happy that you enjoyed my story! Your feedback and comments were very helpful! I can not thank you enough!
I recently learned how to rotate the overlays so I will go back and changes some of the overlays in episodes 1-4.
Josh is my favorite character to write for. He is Kadi’s best friend and I love to show their relationship dynamic. Kadance and Danick are meant to be and the only love interest for the MC in the story. I love that are enjoying this aspect of the story .
Yes the big photo in Kristoff office is very important and will be mentioned in episode 6.
I hope you have a wonderful day!
and again thank you so much!
Can I just say… I love you cover sooooo much. It’s so pretty. Also I have thought of Robin Thicke every single time I saw your title on my waiting list hahahah
And lol, thank you for noticing It’s not so bad now though!
Yes, I was hoping MC would have that hair. It matches the cover one hehe
I like Courtney based off of her text message alone.
HAHAHA I’m not sure why anyone would not take his clothes and run… But here I am picking the “don’t take his clothes” option anyway
I hate to get technical like this but the elevator doors were slightly off when they moved.
With Aiden’s CC, every time I click “done” with a feature, it sends me back to “Hmmm wonder how he got in your phone”. I know it’s only one line, but you might want to move the label to just before “Make him cute”
I should have known form the text that Courtney would be a blonde
The right coffee order vs. being on time thing is, like, really making me think. Not too much about the story, coz it’s a flashback and so what’s done is done… But about life! Like which is better? I don’t know…
AWWW that’s such a sad way to get dumped
The sing_fail animation is easily one of my faves and it worked so well with the “you’re hot” option haha
Something very clever I picked up on… The real reason Quinn couldn’t find her clothes was because we choose the outfit… And so with that in mind, Jake saying she threw them down the hallway? Hahahaha, classic.
Regina is a great character. I love her. And I also love this relationship columnist thing happening. This set up is starting to remind of a rom com and it just feels very cute. I can see how both her work and her personal life will drive the plot 50/50.
What? Why did she faint? What’d I miss?
Um, excuse me? Where is my choice to get drunk? Maybe I don’t want to be productive
Sorry, I’m going to pedantic (but it’s only because I am enjoying your story so far and think you’re good enough at directing to do this lol)… So when Aiden enters the elevator, he kind of walks up? Instead, scale him super large and off screen to the right and then have him walk from there. It will give the illusion he’s walking in to the elevator rather than up to it.
Elevator sex? Are they going to have elevator sex? I sense tension. They’re going to bang, right?
Ah, nevermind. No elevator sex tonight I guess. Though I would like to restate my earlier comment about scaling characters super large off screen to have them exit the elevator. Trust me, it looks good.
Super weird comment, but I’ve been thinking this for a while now while reading so I’m going to say it… Your story reminds me a lot of No Strings Attached by Alyce Winter. Idk if you’ve read it. You don’t even have that many similarities other than both being limelight stories lol. But I reviewed that story a while ago (scroll up if you’re bothered to) and I just had a really good feeling about it. It’s still one of my favourite stories now even and I have the same kind of feeling now reading your story that I had when first reading hers. I find Aiden really likeable. He’s defs my type of guy and I am really regretting not making Quinn look like me I just wanted to keep the hair because of the cover matching but this should have been a me-insert story WHYYYYYYYYYYY?
EW Why. Those. Shorts!
Aiden’s texting style is to die for I love him so much already… It’s only episode 3
“Nothing more” Pfft, okay, Quinn. If you say so.
I can’t believe she went outside in those shorts!
The dress up game was so hard for me. I liked all the outfits hahahaha. So much better than those friggen shorts.
I really liked how you included Noah’s CC the white background fading in and then out again looked so good when you could see the background characters too.
The thing I mentioned about the elevator. Same applies to the balcony scene. Since the backgrounds not looking from a bird’s eye view, having the characters walk directly straight doesn’t work and ruins the illusion.
Wow, for a self-confessed team Aiden reader, I have 0 points with him, whoops.
There’s something a wee bit off about your OTS scenes. I feel like it needs to be zoomed in more or else it just looks like they’re invading each other’s personal space. There’s just that space behind them that they’re not using lol. Know what I mean?
Of course Aiden’s article turns out to be not sexist hahaha. I knew he wasn’t an ass. I had faith in him the whole time.
Wtf is wrong with Max? Lol. Is he stupid? Why would anyone in their right mind thinks you want to meet your ex’s new bae??
I… omg… I had a weird suspicion Caelyn was talking about Stephen, but I thought if I opened up to her those two times, she would have put two and two together and said something… Now I am thinking maybe Quinn never mentioned names? Lol.
Aha! Max’s true intentions revealed lol
I have one point with Aiden lol. Help me!
I don’t really have much to else to add. Nice story, it’s right up my alley and would have been something I would have read eventually of my own accord too. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE?!
Just checking, did you change the title of your story? I checked the link on your IG and it only leads to Opposites Don’t Attract which coincidentally was already on my reading list lol.
Hi. We are little bit late with the changes. Decided to republish with new chapter release so we are triplechecking it. .
Btere are not big changes… Adding more music and some overlay timing adjustment… So for the storytelling feedback you I guess can go in now but I now think it will be better I let you know when we republish… So you do not have to give effort to coment things which might be changed in meantime.
I was SO excited to wake up to this review! I was dying over here at your commentary
Thank you for all of the feedback. I will definitely be going through and taking your advice!! Especially about the spotting because I wasn’t sure what the best way to have them enter/exit was haha.
Your story reminds me a lot of No Strings Attached by Alyce Winter.
I haven’t read “No Strings Attached.” But, It’ s on my shelf! So, I am definitely going to check it out here soon!
EW Why. Those. Shorts!
I took it as a challenge to see if I could make them look good lmao I think I failed.
I don’t really have much to else to add. Nice story, it’s right up my alley and would have been something I would have read eventually of my own accord too. WhEn WiLl YoU uPdAtE?!
The backstory was a bit wordy… But it’s necessary, so there’s not much you can do to change that anyway. It’s just a personal thing of mine where I can’t focus with on too much narration… Though the making her own planet thing I found an interesting origin story.
Hahahaha, wait… So are you the main character? Or is your forum name based off of your main character? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Oh wow, episode 1 felt pretty short. I didn’t even really write anything down. I feel like I was waiting for a clear plot to shape, but it was just so short that the cliff hanger at the end didn’t have a strong enough impact to hook me yet.
I love the overlay you added for Nand when she lifts Nigil off the floor. I think that works better than the fade colours you have used previously.
What’s Sanjay doing? Lol. He just met her, no?
Episode 2 was pretty short as well… Thought the cliff hanger this time felt much more engaging.
The spotting in this throne scene is great. They really look like children here haha
When they go to training, bring William forward a layer so he looks like he’s walking in front of Nand.
I know they’re training, but what with the height difference and all, it makes me really uncomfortable to see William hit his daughter square in the face. The ink punch animations look soooo aggressive too.
Ooooh eye flashing colors is cool
Okay, so I really hate author notes. I know you might feel like you need to apologize but you don’t. It’s your story. However, if you are feeling bad about not having choices, then maybe you should go back and add them in? You want to be happy with your story at the end of the day. I know most people prefer having choices, but there are stories successful without it too… So at the end of the day, it’s up to you. Just don’t apologize for whatever you decide to do
Your outros for episode 4 were off centre… It was like they were in zone 2?
There’s been a few times I think you were at risk of exceeding the swear limit count. I’m not really counting but I think episode 5 you had more than 5 swear words. You might want to count the swears in your other episodes too because there’s been a few.
I love the background characters in episode 6 at the beginning, but they look like the default ones. I’d strongly recommend changing up their looks and outfits to make it look more realistic.
After the rooftop scene, I think you meant to fade out, but you did a fade in transition right before the “meanwhile” narrator bubble
I think you might have said the f-word too many times in this episode too
I feel like Kriti is going to lose Sanjay to Nand lol
Okay, so… I feel like you will probably hate my advice as you have 7 episodes and what I am recommending is extreme. But I will tell you anyway and it’s up to you whether you actually do it or not. See… I’ve been saying that your episodes are short, but I also I didn’t feel like the plot was very strong in most of them either. It felt like there was a mix of comedic and even romantic moments - which is fine - but it made me as a reader unsure about where the story was heading. So what I would recommend is to actually merge a few of your episodes together. You could condense it into 4 or 5 episodes, making them all equal length and also ensure that enough key elements of your story are in each episode too. For me, it felt like the last two episodes had the most to do with driving the plot, so looking at what they entail would probably help you work out what you would need to merge… if you choose to merge them. Alternatively, you could just add another three or four scenes into each episode to improve their length? You could spend more time focusing on some of the sub-main characters or even adding in more choices, since you pointed out that was something you haven’t done much of? Anyway, it’s up to you. Your directing and dialogue is all pretty good, it’s just that it felt like not enough important things were taking place in each episode. I know in your author notes, you’ve said sorry for taking so long to update but people are not going to mind if you take an extra week or two to update - especially if they get more content because of that wait.
Love your classroom backgrounds and the uniforms are adorable
I also really love the uniforms you’ve chosen. They’re not the go to ones I see in every story and that’s refreshing.
Not sure how I feel about Damien - something seems off
I’m assuming the necklace is the clue, right? I think it’s
Wow, love your bedroom background too.
Ooh, ok. That figure… I feel like we could be heading down a fantasy type of mystery. Also just wondering, that hand overlay, does it change colour? I didn’t CC so I’m not sure if you let reader change skin tones lol.
The way you made the book text disapear/reappear was awesome. I have to say, I’m not a fan of the book talking… It has an attitude and I don’t like that, but I can’t deny the directing was amazing and that it was a funny attitude either lol.
Ohhhh their parents? I’m surprised.
Spotting at the club was great.
I love how Marbel dragged him out of the club
Ah, I hate that she is driving the car. At least you put a reader message there.
Forgot to say this before but I love the coffee table overlay in the living room. It’s so clean cut, it feels real.
I love how the code actually works, except it felt rushed a bit? Like Marbel just figured it out so quickly that I didn’t feel very invested in the process of figuring it out. Which is probably a really hard thing to get right anyway, but if you could brainstorm something to make readers feel more involved that it would give it a more interactive feel
I didn’t see the adopted thing coming
Why is her mum so horrible!!!
The book now reminds me of Ella Enchanted. Idk if you ever saw that movie, but if you haven’t you should look up some clips of it to see what I mean.
When Damien walks in on Marbel changing, he says “Well I have nothing against that you stay as you are”. I know what you’re meaning, but it’s wording is a bit off. Maybe something like “Well, I have nothing again you staying as you are”
I loved the scene in the forest with the car driving over the bridge. Directing was on point.
I knew the second I saw that rock at the cabin, you were doing to have a tappable game
So the choice was locked for me but I clicked it and it still let me choose it. Was that supposed to happen?
The flashes leading into that flashback looked really great.
This is a small detail, but I thought it was nice that you made Marbel drop the elephant when Damien called on her
So your directing in this is great, I loved basically all of your backgrounds because it really looked like they all worked well with each other. The book having that kind of sassy personality was something I wasn’t too fond with, but that’s just me. I know for a fact other people will like the humour that the book provides. I can definitely see how this fits the contest theme, but the genre does feel like a mix between fantasy and mystery so I guess you have options after the contest ends too? There was one thing I noticed and haven’t mentioned until now - every time Marble walks further back, she still does walk_neutral. It would probably look better if you changed it to walk_neutral_rear. This was most common in her bedroom scenes from what I noticed. There was also a couple of times in the cabin and other scenes too. It’s only a small thing, but it makes it look more realistic if you do it
lol dunno how to make quotation of your text but I love to reply on something you wtore anyway:
Not sure how I feel about Damien - something seems off Cool that was exactly my intention!
Ooh, ok. That figure… I feel like we could be heading down a fantasy type of mystery. Also just wondering, that hand overlay, does it change colour? I didn’t CC so I’m not sure if you let reader change skin tones lol. Um good point haven’t thought about making the overlay change color…this I really don’t know how to do…guess I have to count with the reader for giving me this.
I love how the code actually works, except it felt rushed a bit? Like Marbel just figured it out so quickly that I didn’t feel very invested in the process of figuring it out. Which is probably a really hard thing to get right anyway, but if you could brainstorm something to make readers feel more involved that it would give it a more interactive feel. honestly I was thinking about exactly the same…it was choice between the bit russhnes and too long chapter…also despite being the first clue it is only small drop of what is coming later on Marbel…therefore I at the end decidet it to do it so but you are right it might have been bit more dificult for her to find out.
I didn’t see the adopted thing coming
Why is her mum so horrible!!! I KNOW!!! …Do you know the feeling you hate the character and dont want to write him like that but you simply have to? That is with her mom. I was trying to make it milder but something didnt let me do it.
The book now reminds me of Ella Enchanted. Idk if you ever saw that movie, but if you haven’t you should look up some clips of it to see what I mean. Yeah I know the film it was not inspired by it but I get what you mean. Honestly, I love Sonny and his attitude …he is my favorite side character …on begining, I didnt planned to give him much space but he has kinda grown on me.
So the choice was locked for me but I clicked it and it still let me choose it. Was that supposed to happen? If you got more than 2 influence point you are able to open it and play the scene if you have less you should not be able to play it - but I will check with my cowriter.choices are not my strength.
So your directing in this is great, I loved basically all of your backgrounds because it really looked like they all worked well with each other. The book having that kind of sassy personality was something I wasn’t too fond with, but that’s just me. I know for a fact other people will like the humour that the book provides. I can definitely see how this fits the contest theme, but the genre does feel like a mix between fantasy and mystery so I guess you have options after the contest ends too? Yeah it is mix of both, but the maint point in the story even in next chapters will be to solve the mystery of her past and find the truth but yes it is not 100% only mystery
I am happy you liked the background and overlays…I give lot of work in it cutting all out so I am glad it works for you! The directing…still learning honestly…there is still big space for improvement in my opinion but it is much better than few montsh ago so I am not complaining.
There was one thing I noticed and haven’t mentioned until now - every time Marble walks further back, she still does walk_neutral. It would probably look better if you changed it to walk_neutral_rear. This was most common in her bedroom scenes from what I noticed. There was also a couple of times in the cabin and other scenes too. It’s only a small thing, but it makes it look more realistic if you do it Good point I am so used on this that I usualy even do not think about rear walk and therefore I am bit blind in case it doesnt work that realistic!
Alright, so… I sort of struggled with episode 1 to see a clear plot. It felt like we got to meet all the characters but I didn’t see enough of them
There’s quite a few typos and grammar errors throughout this first episode too. I can’t point them all out but the most common ones I noticed were missing capital letters. They should be at the start of each sentence and when every the letter i is on its own, it should also be a capital letter. You also have missed apostrophes a few times too.
I’ve never been a fan of author notes, especially when they distract from the story, which I felt yours did. I would suggest cutting it out or only using it if you have important information for readers.
Spot placing has been good, but I noticed a few times - like in episode 2 at school - all the characters appear after a second or two. Try placing them before you pan to the zone so that they are already there.
I the football field, there’s a mix up of layers. Try making the blond character on her phone moving to layer -1
You might want to change the display names of some of the characters, like PERSON3 and PERSON5 for example.
Should I ask why he’s wearing a mask over his mouth?
I’m noticing a lot of texting talking. Saying things like “GN” instead of “good night” - it would look a bit more pro if you wrote out the whole word.
So if I’m understanding correctly with this school scene in episode 4, on one side is the group of vampires and on the other is the warewolves?
Wow, that overlay/art scene was really cool in the school hallway. I actually got a fright when Noah’s hand moved because I thought it was coming to life.
Damn, you’ve really stepped it up with your overlays in these later episodes.
So is the beginning of Episode 6 a dream? Also what happened to their hair? It’s white now
wait… Daughter? I thought they were school aged? But this daughter looks school aged to me…
So vampire and werewolf stories are something I usually stay away from and unfortunately, you haven’t been able to change my mind there quite yet. But your spotting is pretty precise and like I said before, you really stepped it up with overlays in the later episodes. The plot just didn’t get me invested enough to continue… But that’s not to say that other people wont lol. I’m just probably not your target audience. I would strongly recommend getting a proofreader though. It can be off putting to readers to see a lot of text-talk in stories and so it will help you keep retention if you perfect the grammar and punctuation
I’d recommend using gains or points. Like make 6 overlays with different shades and ask reader which best represents them. Overlay approval has been relatively quick these days
I understand this battle lol. It’s up to you though. You still have a week til deadline. Otherwise I’m sure you can make it more interactive later down the track
All too well
It’s the attitude of the books. They both give me the same energy lol
Ohhh ok. Usually when I see a locked choice, I assume that it means I don’t have enough points already and that it would have appeared as a ragular choice is I did have the minimum amount of points needed hahaha. That’s just a mix up with what I’m used to though. The coding is right in this case.
Really? I would not have guessed this. Seemed a lot better than most people’s directing
HA! found out how to make quotation - I am very proud on myself right now!!
Oh no, mom and Sonny give you the same energy? OK, that definitely didnt worked the way I intended them.
I am a bit perfectionist from nature…and still see in other stories amazing things I am not able to do. I have in some stories seen such amazing animated intro with multiple animated overlays…my head is not even processing it how they did it and many other things still have space fopr improvement…
My answer : the girls are vampires which means their older then they look . Redjhina is 324 years old . Arlet is 297 years old . And Sofia is 50 years old but they look young cs their features never age.
His wearing a mask cs that’s his prefer style . Idk why I came up with that idea It was just a horny thought
For the other side characters . Am not good in naming and creating characters so I just name them person3-8 cs these characters don’t matter. The ones with names do.
Yes one group is the vampire side and the other is werewolf side . . The only vampire in that school is the ones in the first chapter and 70% in that school is werewolf while the other percent is humans
Thank you so much . The overlay scene took 3 weeks to direct so am glad it turned out good
Lol I have ? I thought I sucked since I had to keep looking for tutorials
The beginning of episode 6 was a dream . Sorry if you got confused. Should say it’s a dream before doing anything else
Kinda sad I didn’t change your opinion bout those type of stories and that u didn’t want to continue but other than less . Thank you for the effort to me your honest opinion. I really sucked at the beginning of chapters because I was tooo lazy Dear god I wish I could fix but I wouldn’t want my readers to re read . But the overlay directing is all thanks to @Dara.Amarie
And Bebe and jadlyss for the animation scene idea on Instagram and as of the plot I suck at it I wished someone could help me but other than that am taking my time and writing everything down
It’s not so bad now though!
I’m not sure why anyone would not take his clothes and run… But here I am picking the “don’t take his clothes” option anyway 
Maybe I don’t want to be productive 
I just wanted to keep the hair because of the cover matching but this should have been a me-insert story 
WHYYYYYYYYYYY?
I love him so much already… It’s only episode 3 
We are little bit late with the changes. 
Decided to republish with new chapter release so we are triplechecking it. 
Nothing can save them. NOTHING!
…on begining, I didnt planned to give him much space but he has kinda grown on me.
