Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Ohh :slightly_frowning_face:

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Oof, so are you ready for a review now? :slightly_smiling_face:

Hello, thank you so much for all of your advices :blush:
Especially with grammar ones, because English is not my first language, and I’m struggling sometimes :sweat_smile:
I’ve tried to fix most of the things you’ve told me about, such as bugs and grammar.
Also, I’m trying to adjust the scenes, and the future episodes are going to be different.
Lastly, I feel like adding semi-CC in a story may make some people quit reading ;/ So I’d prefer to keep it that way.
Regardless, thanks again for the review :smile::heart:

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@daniepisodewriter - Where the Shadows Along

  • Damn, your first episode was strong. I actually didn’t type anything because I didn’t look away from my phone lol. I just think there’s a great overall vibe and the way you introduced demons was really well done.

  • Alexia finding that demon hideout did kinda creepy me out though. I was expecting her to get caught there for sure

  • Episode 2 felt a little bit shorter? I don’t really have much to add here, but the ending had me hooked anyway.

  • I loved that reflection scene in episode 3

  • The motorbike scene looked great. I was really impressed with how that turned out

  • Aha, I like the way Lukas learned the truth and I like how it was handled in the end when he apologized for not believing me.

  • The choice to “have fun with Talia” wasn’t quite clear to me what it meant until I chose it. I thought it was a line of dialogue I was going to be choosing, lol.

  • The demi demons have such a cool way of characterizing themselves.

  • I appreciate you narrating how this is not typically the type of actions that should be encouraged ie. the taking a drink from a stranger

  • Omg the happy face and frog face :flushed:

  • Lmao, I had a feeling we’d end on that semi cliff hanger haha, nice timing there.

Overall, it’s a pretty good story. I don’t really have too many things to recommend or even say. It was very engaging and I quite enjoyed it. Keep it up :+1:

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I’m not sure what this was a response to… me saying you had too much CC?

When I said there was a lot of CC, what I meant by that is that when I change things like Kate’s skin or hair colour, I kinda expected her parents to change with it (same with Ace and John), so that I didn’t have to CC them from scratch. You could still offer full CC for them but, make it more of a “this is how they look based on what the reader changed for Kate, John, Ace…” but still allow the reader to change things if they want.

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I know about the auto-CC for family members, but that usually doesn’t really work too well on a full CC story , so I let the readers change them once and for all :sweat_smile:

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Wow! Thank you so so much for your feedback! I really appreciate it! :heart_eyes::relaxed::black_heart:

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No worries! :blush:

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@Kenya.Writes - Out of my Element

  • Weird question, but did you have this story under a different author name before with 11 episodes?

  • The camera shake and knife throwing overly thing in this first scene is to die for! Timing is perfect.

  • I can see the blood overlay a few times where it’s not supposed to be (hair and leg)

  • Eeeek the eye! That’s icky to think about :face_vomiting:

  • When David is, uh, “patching Lee up” you may want to bring him forward a layer so he doesn’t go behind the overlays

  • Are those guys supposed to look like giants? I feel like it’s because of the background you’re using that they look that way because the coffee shop window and door shouldn’t be so much smaller than them. It’s like a play on the perspective.

  • This futuristic hologram computer thing looks awesome!

  • I have no idea what just happened to Lee, but can I just say I love that she’s still in a towel

  • Weid thing, but some (not all) of your apostrophe’s are backwards(?) Is this a difference on your keyboard maybe? I don’t know what this is from tbh

  • The car jump! Omg :heart_eyes:

  • Even though Khalil has the ugliest nose, he’s kinda hot

  • When you zoom in on Lilith in the classroom scene, she’s doing a laugh chuckle pose. Was that on purpose or did you mean for her to be laughing?

  • I love what you’re doing with Zoom by making him move super fast haha

  • I chocked when Nevermore said “measuring your dicks” - a phrase I use often irl lol

  • This is a really small thing, but Ezra’s speechbubbles don’t fully point to him and it’s just a little distracting lol

  • The ending of episode 2 is WOW, I can see why this is in action now haha

  • When Crossfire’s on the ground, you should spot his speechbubbles. The default position won’t be visible to most tablet readers and certain phones too.

  • I love the way he flipped Lee :eyes:

  • After the limb overlay appears, you zoom over to Crossfire but since he’s facing the front, I can still see the arm overlay behind his right arm a bit… (Did that make sense? Lol)

  • HER DAD?

  • So when Lee and Ezra enter the party, I see what you’re going for with the call out animations, but it doesn’t quite look right with their spot placements. They’re not really talking to each other.

  • I’d recommend changing MALE8 and MALE9’s display names to either nothing or to a real name.

  • When Zack enters in the next scene from the right, he shrinks down significantly and kinda goes behind Khalil a bit. It sorta ruins the illusion a bit. I would spot him off screen and have him “enter” that way.

  • Yeah… I really feel like during this packed party scene, spot directing your speechbubbles is crucial

  • Unrealted but I misread Hocus and thought he said “Excellent hot sister!” :rofl:

  • Wow, the bomb was awesome

  • This mirror scene with Nevermore is perfection! Like, just the way you use even the text effects to show distinction between the two is so smart

  • I just realised on your splash that the blue guy is totally Ezra, amirite?

  • The mirror crack? Needs to move back a layer so that Lilith is in front of it

  • I normally just can’t enjoy action-fight scenes, but this here with Hocus and Pocus is a pretty great one. I just love how you’re using your overlays and timing everything perfectly. The necklace especially stood out to me. Just the effort of animating that was impressive

  • Loved what you did with Lee’s almost drowning scene!

  • Something I noticed you were doing… It didn’t bother me too much at first but now I find it distracting because you’re doing it more frequently…It’s when you’re zoomed in on one character, and the other one speaks but you leave it zoomed in on that original character. I think this is okay sparingly, but tends to look like a directing error if you do it too much.

  • Omg this just gotta hella dramatic! Zach’s MUM???

  • These overlays look amazing!

  • The way Lee’s fists lit on fire looked so subtle and effortless. Had a really big impact I think.

  • On the hill top, when Lilly has that moment of anger and her fist lights up, it might look better to move Lilith a layer behind Lee, so she doesn’t ruin the effect of the overlay

  • the simulation training room looks amazing, but I think you wanted Lilith to face rear when she used her powers? She was idle_hands_on_hips

Damn, this was a really good story. There was just those few little directing things that I would recommend fixing up but all in all this is the type of action story I can support! You deserve way more reads

  • Kirigiri slid across the scene after she got out of the car.
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Ahh tysm! Yeah I really gotta go back and check all the layering b/c when I run it back in the app it’s fine but when I publish it, everything goes downhill​:weary::joy:. Thank you for the tips! I’ll try and fix them​:grin:

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Lol, I know all about layering issues. They are my biggest weakness hahah

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Also Ye this is the revamped version of the Ink story w/ 11 chapters. I just lost inspiration for it and the plot was annoying me so I started from scratch

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