Amberose's Live Thoughts on Your Stories

Ohh :slightly_frowning_face:

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Oof, so are you ready for a review now? :slightly_smiling_face:

Hello, thank you so much for all of your advices :blush:
Especially with grammar ones, because English is not my first language, and I’m struggling sometimes :sweat_smile:
I’ve tried to fix most of the things you’ve told me about, such as bugs and grammar.
Also, I’m trying to adjust the scenes, and the future episodes are going to be different.
Lastly, I feel like adding semi-CC in a story may make some people quit reading ;/ So I’d prefer to keep it that way.
Regardless, thanks again for the review :smile::heart:

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@daniepisodewriter - Where the Shadows Belong

  • Damn, your first episode was strong. I actually didn’t type anything because I didn’t look away from my phone lol. I just think there’s a great overall vibe and the way you introduced demons was really well done.

  • Alexia finding that demon hideout did kinda creepy me out though. I was expecting her to get caught there for sure

  • Episode 2 felt a little bit shorter? I don’t really have much to add here, but the ending had me hooked anyway.

  • I loved that reflection scene in episode 3

  • The motorbike scene looked great. I was really impressed with how that turned out

  • Aha, I like the way Lukas learned the truth and I like how it was handled in the end when he apologized for not believing me.

  • The choice to “have fun with Talia” wasn’t quite clear to me what it meant until I chose it. I thought it was a line of dialogue I was going to be choosing, lol.

  • The demi demons have such a cool way of characterizing themselves.

  • I appreciate you narrating how this is not typically the type of actions that should be encouraged ie. the taking a drink from a stranger

  • Omg the happy face and frog face :flushed:

  • Lmao, I had a feeling we’d end on that semi cliff hanger haha, nice timing there.

Overall, it’s a pretty good story. I don’t really have too many things to recommend or even say. It was very engaging and I quite enjoyed it. Keep it up :+1:

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I’m not sure what this was a response to… me saying you had too much CC?

When I said there was a lot of CC, what I meant by that is that when I change things like Kate’s skin or hair colour, I kinda expected her parents to change with it (same with Ace and John), so that I didn’t have to CC them from scratch. You could still offer full CC for them but, make it more of a “this is how they look based on what the reader changed for Kate, John, Ace…” but still allow the reader to change things if they want.

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I know about the auto-CC for family members, but that usually doesn’t really work too well on a full CC story , so I let the readers change them once and for all :sweat_smile:

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Wow! Thank you so so much for your feedback! I really appreciate it! :heart_eyes::relaxed::black_heart:

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No worries! :blush:

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@Kenya.Writes - Out of my Element

  • Weird question, but did you have this story under a different author name before with 11 episodes?

  • The camera shake and knife throwing overly thing in this first scene is to die for! Timing is perfect.

  • I can see the blood overlay a few times where it’s not supposed to be (hair and leg)

  • Eeeek the eye! That’s icky to think about :face_vomiting:

  • When David is, uh, “patching Lee up” you may want to bring him forward a layer so he doesn’t go behind the overlays

  • Are those guys supposed to look like giants? I feel like it’s because of the background you’re using that they look that way because the coffee shop window and door shouldn’t be so much smaller than them. It’s like a play on the perspective.

  • This futuristic hologram computer thing looks awesome!

  • I have no idea what just happened to Lee, but can I just say I love that she’s still in a towel

  • Weid thing, but some (not all) of your apostrophe’s are backwards(?) Is this a difference on your keyboard maybe? I don’t know what this is from tbh

  • The car jump! Omg :heart_eyes:

  • Even though Khalil has the ugliest nose, he’s kinda hot

  • When you zoom in on Lilith in the classroom scene, she’s doing a laugh chuckle pose. Was that on purpose or did you mean for her to be laughing?

  • I love what you’re doing with Zoom by making him move super fast haha

  • I chocked when Nevermore said “measuring your dicks” - a phrase I use often irl lol

  • This is a really small thing, but Ezra’s speechbubbles don’t fully point to him and it’s just a little distracting lol

  • The ending of episode 2 is WOW, I can see why this is in action now haha

  • When Crossfire’s on the ground, you should spot his speechbubbles. The default position won’t be visible to most tablet readers and certain phones too.

  • I love the way he flipped Lee :eyes:

  • After the limb overlay appears, you zoom over to Crossfire but since he’s facing the front, I can still see the arm overlay behind his right arm a bit… (Did that make sense? Lol)

  • HER DAD?

  • So when Lee and Ezra enter the party, I see what you’re going for with the call out animations, but it doesn’t quite look right with their spot placements. They’re not really talking to each other.

  • I’d recommend changing MALE8 and MALE9’s display names to either nothing or to a real name.

  • When Zack enters in the next scene from the right, he shrinks down significantly and kinda goes behind Khalil a bit. It sorta ruins the illusion a bit. I would spot him off screen and have him “enter” that way.

  • Yeah… I really feel like during this packed party scene, spot directing your speechbubbles is crucial

  • Unrealted but I misread Hocus and thought he said “Excellent hot sister!” :rofl:

  • Wow, the bomb was awesome

  • This mirror scene with Nevermore is perfection! Like, just the way you use even the text effects to show distinction between the two is so smart

  • I just realised on your splash that the blue guy is totally Ezra, amirite?

  • The mirror crack? Needs to move back a layer so that Lilith is in front of it

  • I normally just can’t enjoy action-fight scenes, but this here with Hocus and Pocus is a pretty great one. I just love how you’re using your overlays and timing everything perfectly. The necklace especially stood out to me. Just the effort of animating that was impressive

  • Kirigiri slid across the scene after she got out of the car.

  • Loved what you did with Lee’s almost drowning scene!

  • Something I noticed you were doing… It didn’t bother me too much at first but now I find it distracting because you’re doing it more frequently…It’s when you’re zoomed in on one character, and the other one speaks but you leave it zoomed in on that original character. I think this is okay sparingly, but tends to look like a directing error if you do it too much.

  • Omg this just gotta hella dramatic! Zach’s MUM???

  • These overlays look amazing!

  • The way Lee’s fists lit on fire looked so subtle and effortless. Had a really big impact I think.

  • On the hill top, when Lilly has that moment of anger and her fist lights up, it might look better to move Lilith a layer behind Lee, so she doesn’t ruin the effect of the overlay

  • the simulation training room looks amazing, but I think you wanted Lilith to face rear when she used her powers? She was idle_hands_on_hips

Damn, this was a really good story. There was just those few little directing things that I would recommend fixing up but all in all this is the type of action story I can support! You deserve way more reads

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Ahh tysm! Yeah I really gotta go back and check all the layering b/c when I run it back in the app it’s fine but when I publish it, everything goes downhill​:weary::joy:. Thank you for the tips! I’ll try and fix them​:grin:

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Lol, I know all about layering issues. They are my biggest weakness hahah

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Also Ye this is the revamped version of the Ink story w/ 11 chapters. I just lost inspiration for it and the plot was annoying me so I started from scratch

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Hi @amberose,
I was wondering if your story reviews were still open! It would be great if you could review my story, Silent Killer, which is unfinished and currently at 4 episodes. Please let me know!
Thanks,
Rohit

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Yep, I still am reviewing

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Awesome to hear! Would you please review my story?

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Is a link to my story, and the first chapter is finished, but I’ve just started on the second one. I worked really hard on it, and I hope you like it! :slight_smile:

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Hey Amber, I would love your opinion please
Title: Bailey Files!
Author: Kate
Chapters: Mystery
Style: Limelight
Instagram: @katie36_episode
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5751048917811200
**Description:**A collection of short stories based on crime solving mysteries

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@whirlwinder Silent Killer

  • GAH! Please not an author note to start with :weary:

  • Your actual intro scene was really strong but I’m not a huge fan of the default looks/outfits for characters

  • Uh, so Gabe… is too default-looking in my opinion. It’s really hard for me to see him as a love interest which made Iris’s random attraction to him feel odd

  • When Iris gets the text message, she disappeared from the screen and then appeared in a different spot. Was that meant to happen?

  • Spotting at the party was on point

  • That flashback scene was very well directed. I liked the adding of the rain effect, but I think at the end of that scene something glitched because Iris seemed to pop out of nowhere again.

  • I am seeing a lot of default characters now :no_mouth:

  • Ok, I know episode 1 was short but it was actually a perfect cliff hanger to end on

  • So when Iris is laying down after the drama, the speechbubble is really high up on the screen

  • I kind of don’t buy this backstory for Iris. I’m not a fan of gang stories so that’s probably why, but the whole being forced to kill someone to prove she’s strong seems so far fetched. Though I can see you setting it up for the plot too so I guess it’s rather important.

  • When Johnny does the shot instead, because of their placements, it looks like he’s shooting Iris and her dad. Id recommend spot directing if you feel confident enough. It will improve the scene

  • Oh damn! He ended up shooting the dad anyway!

  • Alright so with this scene where Iris is running through the house, I think you might need to test it out on the app. I’m not sure what’s causing it- if it’s your coding or a glitch, but it’s like the new backgrounds don’t reset when she moves rooms so it starts halfway in the middle. In the dining room, Iris ran into the Balck background so it kind of confused me. Then out of no where a new background appeared. And then after a second delay the assassin jumped in. Was he supposed to walk in or pop up like magic?

  • I’m not sure if you’re aware that the background you’re using has a table overlay but it really distracts from Sable’s entrance so I would suggest replacing it

  • Be careful with your probs too. Sable holds it throughout the next scene too

  • In the flashback, Sable and Dad are both looking forward when they kiss. You need one of them to be doing the rear kiss animation to make it look like their lips are touching.

  • The TV looked awesome.

  • Well, I know I started this review with the author note comment and now I can see this is something you do every episode. I just strongly advise against it. They tend to become irrelevant if you do them every episode too

  • I like how you directed the first phone call with Kiki.

  • The second phone call she has seems off? I think it’s because there’s an overlay in Dave’s background?

  • I’ve noticed that in episode 4, your choices are becoming more frequent and feel more important. That’s a really great improvement because there weren’t that many at the start I noticed.

Ok so I’ve just finished it and I know you said your episodes were short, but they weren’t actually all that bad. I do think you need to change up the appearances of some of your characters to make them feel more unique however. There was a few directing errors, but nothing super major. Overall it’s not really my type of story and that’s purely because it’s a gang-story and I find them so hard to believe that I can’t immerse myself into it. Lol, But it’s a strong theme amongst most of the community on the app, so I think if you were to polish some of the directing, it wouldn’t be long before it took off.

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Thank you SO MUCH @amberrose for the review. I really really appreciate it. Haha some other reviewers also mentioned that people HATE the default characters so I will try to change something up a little bit. I was actually ALSO thinking of changing Gabe’s looks over the weekend. Very excited to hear that you loved the intro! I’m stopping the author thing from now on, just playing the cover and the “Theme song” per se. I’ve been hearing nothing but good words about the introduction lol. I actually changed that last minute, originally it was something pretty erratic and boring. For the spot directing those glitches actually don’t appear when I preview the story, so I don’t know what’s going on with that, maybe those are glitches. The black background in the chase scene was intended to make it look like a dark room or something, or maybe artistically and vaguely represent her slight fear. I still can’t figure out how to fix the other spot directing errors. Most of the time I’ve tried but failed at fixing those errors, so I’ve let them be or pretended to ignore them. But now, thanks to your feedback, I will be able to fix some of the other errors that I didn’t even notice, let alone ignore them. Episode 5 is coming soon so I hope you’ll be able to review that. It’s quite a lot more exciting than the first few!
Thank you so much for your review @amberose!

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I’m glad that helped. I’m not sure what device you test your story on but if you solely rely on the web previewer, just be warned that sometimes it misses some glitches that appear in the app so it’s always good to do at least one run through on the app

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