Hello! So, I have a lot of time during the quarantine and I would like to review some stories. I have a pretty ok standard when it comes to books so I’ll let you know if there’s anything wrong with it.
Although, some thing’s I should note:
These reviews won’t be sugarcoated. I’ll get straight to the point, and if there’s something wrong I will point it out.
Although I won’t be completely ruthless, lol.
Only reviewing the first episode.
Depending on how busy I am, reviews can take up to a day or two. Patience is key.
I’m ok with most themes, but if you don’t think your story is up to par, don’t recommend it. I don’t want to waste my time reading something you don’t think is 100%.
Let me know if you want to specifically review a certain thing.
So, Plot, Characters, Grammar, Directing, etc. (If you don’t specify I’ll just review all)
INFORMATION:
I’ll rank your story out of 5. I’ll leave notes as to why I ranked you a certain way as well…
If you’re sensitive, let me know so I can try to go easy on you or go somewhere else haha they’re brutally honest for a reason
Don’t forget to capitalise places (ex. The North Part, The South Part)
The colour flashes were a little annoying. I understand the dramatic affect at some parts but it started to become repetitive.
As well as that, the rapid shaking in the beginning was fine but around the 3rd time it got repetitive. Especially when introducing the sons - I felt that it wasn’t needed. A simple zoom between three would do just fine.
Some directing was off, like when King was going to meet the elves, it didn’t show his walking animation, just him gliding.
During the monologue, where it’s just INT. BLACK NIGHT and the narrator speaking. I suggest adding background activity, like showing the guards in the castle and each time the bell rings switch the scene. Just so it adds more activity.
Watch your grammar and punctuation (forgetting to add periods at the end of sentences.)
Scenes change too quickly… a lot of it was pretty confusing tbh.
PROS:
Nice overlay use
Good general idea/theme
Probably good but I just got confused really fast.
Thanks And have you read the first chapter yet? I’m not sure about the plot, I want it to be mysterious but I have my doubts that it could be confusing
Title: Blackbird Author: Licorice Genre: Action Summary: Being her personal assistant isn’t the only thing Chase’s new boss has in mind for him. Secrets of the underworld begin to unveil, and not everything is exactly as it seems. (Male & female MC, point system, impactful choices) Style: Limelight Episodes: 5 (more coming soon)
Information about my story Story title: Forbidden Love Name author (so me): Lili Star Genre: Romance and comedy Story style: INK Story caption: Princess Amanda never thought that she would have feelings for a girl, which is forbidden. Until she met Vanessa, the gorgeous sister of prince Roberto who she has to marry. Episodes: 11, but more are coming soon! Important information: This is my first story, so it is not the best, but you can still enjoy it. There is no CC and not many choices. Here is the link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4671279079948288
My Instagram: @lili_on_episode
If you follow me, I will follow back
Title: Shado
Author: Roy
Description: After tragedy, Roy returns to civilization a changed women. She begins her crusade, determined to put things right, with the help of her trusted people,waging a one-woman on crime
Instagram : roy_episode
Style: Ink
Chapters: 7 and ongoing
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5108744574074880
Title: Motherly
Author:Drama_Club_Girl_25
Style; LL
Chapters: 12
Description: Cassandra is a single mother left to raise 3 kids all by herself when her husband leaves her. Will she defy the odds? Or will she crack under the weight of all her stress?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6083904828276736
Cover:
Here’s your review:
Overview: It’s a really well put together story. I like the idea of it, and I think that having a Male MC and Female MC is unique, but confusing. I got confused along the way but the directing is actually tolerable and I would consider continuing to read this story.
CONS:
Character introductions would be nice along the way. Just because I’m really confused on who’s who and what they do. Just like really casually, honestly just so I could get a gist of who they are. Like I was so confused when I saw Ivanna.
The female/male mc thing is confusing, although it’s my preference and I don’t think it’s too big of a factor.
The story was a little bit all over the place. I think I got the general idea though.
PROS:
The splashes are really nice! I like how it looks like scenes from the story. Seems natural.
I really, really liked the introduction!! It made me curious and pulled me in right away.
Although I haven’t gotten too into the really impactful choices yet, I am so glad you put them in there. They really make a story sooo much more… better!
Consistent plot, kept me wanting to read more and never faltered.
I am personally not a fan of ink, and the fact that you said there wasn’t a lot of choices threw me off but none the less, I tried not to factor that in.
Here’s your review:
CONS:
I know you said English wasn’t your first language, so of course grammar mistakes are at no fault of your own. I spotted not very many grammar mistakes (instead of saying I’ll appreciate that, say “I’d appreciate that” when he’s putting the present away) but consider getting a proofreader because grammar mistakes are a pet peeve of mine.
Characters walk really slow, figure out how to make them walk faster if you can.
More zooms would be nice, just like basic zooms when a character is talking can make a story look all that much better
PROS:
I really enjoy the story plot, it’s not too confusing and I got everything very clearly
I like the introduction to Vanessa, it gave me a glimpse of what her personality was like.
I need some genuine feedback on all fronts to see if my story is progressing well. Thank you for this thread.
Title: Snapshot
Author: Novialia
Style: LL
Genre: Mystery
Description: When a member of Blood Rage dies, the remaining players must solve the mystery while surviving traps laid out by the show. Will you find out the truth or suffer the consequences?
Features: CC, Tappable Overlays, Choices Matter, Points System
Covers:
Overview: I thought this story would be pretty good at first, but near the middle you kinda lost me. The ending would not want to make me read it again. I feel like the overall idea of this story is really good but in my opinion you didn’t portray it as best as it can be.
CONS:
The dojo/wrestling gym is just kinda a weird background for me, just cause it looks real and I personally think that more cartoonish/episode looking backgrounds would look nicer. Just my opinion though.
When ‘SIR’ was entering in the beginning, don’t make him enter from “@.SIR enters from right to spot ____”. It looks tacky. Instead, try to put “@.SIR stands spot ____ in zone ___” (whatever zone that the current characters aren’t in) and have him walk to the spot you want him. It looks a lot cleaner and little details like that can make the story more enjoyable.
In the classroom scene, instead of just having a narration bubble, try cutting to ‘SIR’ standing at the front of the class. The narration bubble looks a little weird. Try background INT. CLASSROOM BLACKBOARD - DAY.
I’m sorry but what is that animation when she’s changing why is she waving her arms in the air?
Scenes move way too fast, it seems all so jumbled together and I lose interest easily.
The ending was not too well put, it didn’t make me want to care if Roy went on her date, but your job as the author is to try and add suspense to it, and bring the reader back to the story for the next episode.
PROS:
I really like the portrait cover, it’s really really nice! And it looks so professional.
Here’s your review:
Overview: At first, I didn’t think I would find this story very interesting because it seems like a tame plot, but you put it pretty well. The entire story seems pretty average in my opinion, the plot just seems boring and I don’t know how it’d a I would like to see the incorporation of zooms and more choices.
CONS:
The horizontal cover is a little tacky, portrait cover is nice though. Consider a different colour for the title as it’s hard to see the ‘T’ in the title.
Please… please watch your grammar. Use the right ‘your/you’re’. Your is possession of an item, (your lipstick, your handbag) but you’re is a contraction of ‘you are.’ So ‘Cade, you’re scaring me.’
Don’t make the daughters look exactly like the mother. I know you gave her a different hairstyle & hair colour, and lip shade but change something up. I don’t look exactly like my mom, y’know.
(Suggestion) Work with zooms!
I’m pretty sure character crossovers (characters from other stories) aren’t allowed, so be careful of that or else your story could get taken down.
The dressing game was weird, I feel like you should give them one last chance to see if they want the dress or not. So, “Are you sure you want to wear this to work?” is a good thing to ask after they’ve tried the outfit on.
Fix some of the transitions.
PROS:
It’s nice that you explained what joint custody was for the people that don’t know. It’s helpful
I really enjoy that you put character introductions. It really gives us more information on them, which is really helpful. Although, maybe you should put them right before they speak, it looks… more put together?? idk.
I like the fact that you added a suspenseful ending. That is the #1 way to bring back readers.
Thank you so much for your honest opinions!
I love them. The female MC PoV will actually show up a bit later (not out yet) and sorry if you were a bit confused! Thanks again for taking your time to review
why is she waving her arms in the air?