Ann C's Story Reviews [CLOSED]

let me know when this is open again!

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Fill the form and upload the small cover. It’ll be put in the 3rd Week List.

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Will be put in the 3rd week list

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I have filled the form :heart: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Your story has been reviewed!

Since the number of chapters to be reviewed had not been mentioned, I have done the review for 2 chapters.

Firstly,

Spot Direction : Spot direction was indeed appreciable, and in the action scenes, it was even better. However, I would recommend use of transitions when you switch scenes, else it seems abrupt and the reader may find it a bit confusing.
Also, the overlays of TO BE CONTINUED can be made to appear and disappear gradually.

Eg. @overlay (overlay name) opacity 1 in 0.5
@overlay (overlay name) opacity 0 in 0.5

OR

@overlay (overlay name) opacity 100% in 0.5
@overlay (overlay name) opacity 0% in 0.5

This will make the overlays look like they are appearing and disappearing gradually.

Secondly,

Grammar and spellings : As with the grammar and spellings, everything is flawless. :+1:

Plot : Plot of the story was interesting. But I would suggest keeping some Narrator boxes and readerMessages to keep the reader informed about the time and place. The fact that David and Alec are related – it could have been made a bit clearer with readerMessages.

Content Guidelines were in no way violated.

  • PERSONAL NOTE : The scene in which Alec was asking Laura questions, you could have used a label (label1, suppose) before the choice of the questions. After Laura answers a question, the reader is sent directly back to label1, instead of repeatedly asking the question - “Do you have any more questions?”. If the reader has already asked all the questions or is not willing to ask any more, all one has to do is tap the choice “No more questions.” (which has to be added along with all the other questions, and preferably with GREEN)

The repeated question creates a hindrance in the continuous flow of the questions (which, most of the readers will be very curious to ask).

  • In the second scene in 1st episode, when the Judge was declaring Alec’s punishment, Alec was calm but then after tapping the dialogue, he freaked out. You can use the command starts and make Alec do the react_mortified animation (or any other).

Eg. @ALEC starts react_mortified
JUDGE

This would give an impression that Alec is freaking out when the Judge is declaring his punishment.

(I hope I did not sound harsh. If I did, please let me know here - annc.amazeballs.16@gmail.com - in a polite tone.)

Just filled! Thank you!


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Looks interesting! It will be reviewed in the 3rd week.

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Thanks for the review! I understand this isn’t like usual episode stories. I always knew I wanted to make it different and it works for some not for everyone. The harsh cuts instead of disappearing transitions is an art choice that is supposed to be like an action movie and I get not everyone would see it that way.
I like the directing suggestions a lot and I will definitely look into it because I really needed help with that.
I am not a fan of reader messages because it is not suppose to obvious the two are related until the end of the story but that’s okay you only read two chapters. I was attempting to leave readers guessing until the end of what’s going on instead of shoving it in their face.
But thanks for letting me know what you think!

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I totally understand your point of view … but fast transitions (iris out one in 0.2 in 0.3s) won’t do much harm I guess. You can just try … if it does not look good, then let it be as it is …

Your story has been reviewed!

Firstly,

Spot Direction : Everything was fine in this region. The only thing that I would suggest is to taking care of the layers in which the characters and overlays are placed.

For example,

When Eduardo was approaching towards the sound box to switch off the ‘Rockstar’ song, due to layer mismatch, the stand behind him seemed to be on his body.

In the following scene -

Try scaling down the characters more as the size looks a bit odd compared to the background.

Try scaling Ellie down in this scene.

I the following scene –

Eduardo is to face right and his grandmother is to faces left. Only then will it look like they are talking to Ellie.

Secondly,

Dialogue : There were no mistakes as for spellings or grammar. However, more comical lines would be highly appreciated (they were quite funny in the beginning and in the middle).

Story plot : It was unique and honestly, I enjoyed reading.

Content Guidelines were in no way violated.

  • PERSONAL NOTE : The speechbubbles were not in the right place for many characters. I would recommend using speechbubble positioning where more than one character is present. Also scale down the bubble(it will be easier on the eyes).

  • In this scene –

The principal’s chair appears slowly. If it is an overlay, make its opacity 1 (or 100%) in 0 seconds.

(I hope I did not sound harsh. If I did, please let me know here - annc.amazeballs.16@gmail.com - in a polite tone.)

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Thank you so much!
It was not harsh at all, and very helpful! I must have missed a few spot directing mistakes, like the scene where Eduardo and his grandma are facing the wrong way. I’ll go back and fix it as soon as possible. Same with the layering of the music stand and the principal’s chair.

Also the speech bubbles— I’ll check and see which ones need to be fixed. Especially since I use a lot of custom zooms, and speech bubbles need to be placed one by one in those cases.

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Hi there I filled out the form! Here’s the small and large cover!

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Hey! I have filled out the form. Thank you for this!


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