Anyone here can take a quick peek at my story

[LINK REMOVED, UPDATING IT NOW WITH FIXES AND STUFF]

I can’t reveal too much about this story because I’m not sure if it will make it. But I want feedback from these three first scenes. This is my first time writing about a story.
That’s why.

description: (Not ready yet) Meet your character, Sarah Guenthart. A girl who lives an ordinary life. since the dawn of time, humankind hasn’t been kind to your kind. But Why do you care? You didn’t live in those ages. Well, now you are about to experience what it was like. Be ready for what awaits you for the second war, you must make sacrifices.

This is a supernatural fantasy story. Take your time and read through it.
You can give me tips to improve my dialogues, scenes, background, music, choices, Character clothes, etc…

Each of these episodes should be really long and long I’m going to make it. Because I don’t want my episodes too short and every one will waste their tickets so I’m going to make them as long as possible. No gems will be used in these episodes, not a single gem.

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Is this your first story?

yes

BUMP moving up

Is this the full episode ?

No, this is just the first 3 scenes of the episode, the episode is twice as long. Yet I am still working on it.

U can repost once the epi is done,
@ me and Ill give my feedback if u want :upside_down_face::sparkling_heart:

-:thinking: So far I liked that u let the reader make alot of choices

Do u have an insta ? :wink:

I don’t use a insta

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So far, I liked it! The scenes themselves weren’t bad. But there were some things I’d like to point out!

  1. The speech bubble tails are not next to the character’s mouths.

  2. The walking scene was really good!

  3. The texting part was really well done! The bubbles are going out of the phone but, that happens to everyone! :wink:

Overall, I liked it so far! :+1:t5:

Alright, I’ll go ahead and update the story so I’ll remove the link to it. Once done. I’ll let you guys in for what I have written.

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