Arty's reviewing spot ( reviews - opinions - suggestions ) - CLOSED

Hey people of Episode,
It’s me Arty (maybe you’ve already heard about me)

Today I’m here not as an artist but as a friendly reviewer :blush:
I’d like to spend a bit of my time in order to help you.
I’m not here to judge, I’m not here to get angry nor to demolish your story, I’d just like to give you some constructive criticism, advices, feedbacks and suggestions about how to improve your story and enhance you’re already great idea.

I’m open to all kind of stories, no matter the genre, directing or whatever.
But it’s not just that, I’ll help you out to develop your idea and in progress, any plot holes or missing details just tell me about it :hugs:

There are just a couple of rules:

  1. First come first serve :wink:
  2. No pressure please, I don’t gain anything in return
  3. No number of chapters is established
    Let me be clear on this one, I’ll read from one to two chapters so this is not a read for read, it’s a way of helping who would like to hear what the can improve or hear about what a reader could think

About who I am:
I’ve directed my story with advanced directing and branching so I understand what you did
I’ve read tons of stories with no disregard about genre or style
I’ve done art so I understand the value of the pieces and efforts you’ve put in your story :blue_heart:

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how long will you be open?
I’m still working on my story and i don’t need a reviewer until maybe march 15?

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No worries, this will always be open, I’ll even check your unpublished story if you want. As you prefer

Hey! Can you text me on Instagram? I would love it if you could proofread/review 2 chapters of my story.

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Hey! could you review my story please? :blob_sun: :blob_hearts:

Title: This Semester

Genre: Romance/ comedy

Author: emily_episodeee

Instagram: emily_episodeee

Description: A spoiled-rotten American. A strict British boarding school. In this culture clash, rules will be broken.

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6520243558744064

Cover:
Forever_Friends_gb_posterThumb_LljKXmZrBh

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Please send me here or on my DMs the link :relaxed:

Sure :wink:

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K will do, just need to find the link, might take a while so I will get it back to you soon!

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Thankyou! :blob_hearts: :blob_sun:

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Thank you for doing this, dear. Here’s my story.

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No worries :relaxed:
I’ll review it as soon as I can

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Hey there,
I’ve just finished reading your story :blush:

Ok, I think your story has lot of potential since the plot is interesting!
I can’t lie, it’s not something that I’ve never seen before, but kinda original in its own way :wink:

There are some suggestions that maybe can help you improve your story:

  1. Directing: I don’t have problems with basic directing but I’d suggest you to try looking for some way of enhancing it, I noticed some mistakes with &/@ and some commands that didn’t work properly.
    I’m saying this because it’s nice to create a more personalized cast of characters: all girls have the same height and all the boys are short (not that it’s a problem if it’s what you want, but they all have the same height)

  2. Character personality: I’d like to see a bit more of Fallon and not just a lil spoiled girl, that’s just some stereotypical bad girl. I get that character development is what you’re looking to develop throughout the story, but give her some personality, can the reader really relate to her? I’ve just seen a lil glimpse of her when she cried to her sister…

  3. Pace You should maybe slow down the pace of the beginning of the story…it happened so fast that I didn’t even have the chance to understand everyone’s role in the story.
    I think you should explain a bit the situation after she talks with her sister, maybe explain why she can’t stand her mother’s new boyfriend.
    But actually the thing that really got me the most was the flight, I think you should make it a bit more realistic…you can’t actually buy two flight ticket to the other side of the planet in a couple of hours, plus I think the mother going there was kinda pointless, she did what, 22 hours of flight just to go there with the daughter? I’d never do that as a mother :joy:
    Maybe it was a bit of a rushed decision, you could make them wait a week in which the mother thinks about it and decides that the best answer is to send her away to a boarding school.

  4. Culture This is a very important topic actually since it defines a whole Country.
    I think you should handle this more carefully since it’s a bit stereotypical (?!)
    Explain why the mother chose that school, is it the best? Was it because the mother wanted to expose her to completely different people (not Americans I mean)? Or was it because she had some acquaintances there?
    You could also distinguish the way of speaking (for example not using a-s but ar-e > this is a dumb example but since you used it)
    Take advantage of this cultural clash to show Fallon the beautiful side of England, even because Europe (continent) is not in the middle age :joy: (speaking as a European)
    we know what an Iphone is, and usually those kind of schools are chosen by the ones that can actually afford them…so yeah, I bet all those students know how much some clothes cost and etcetera.

With all this talking I don’t mean to discourage you, but just to help you create an even better story than the one that it already is, I hope this will be useful if you want to change something, and some suggestions and advices that I gave you are meant to help you even with connecting with the community (culture and stereotypes are some hot topics at the moment so I suggest to handle them carefully :wink: )

Said this, I’m glad I had the opportunity to read your story, so thank you! Keep up with the great hard-work and I’m sure you’ll go far :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

If you have more questions please don’t hesitate to contact me

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Thankyou so much for the feedback! The story is kind of meant to be silly and blown out of proportion, so that’s why the characters are very steryotyped? I also live in England, so I am hoping to show the beautiful side of Europe. Thanks again! :blob_sun: :blob_hearts:

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Hey! Thank you so much for doing this!
You actually did an art scene for me haha. My story is seriously stereotypical and thats the way it’s supposed to be at the beginning.
My story: Tempting

Genre: Romance

Description: Being a rich one-hit-wonder having a bad breakup can lead you to some bad circumstances and Chicago’s most eligible bachelor. What happens when the two of you collide? LL/CC/CM

Insta: @tiff_episode

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5664934106169344

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Hey! I’d love for you to review my story during your spare time! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Story

Link

http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6408060811280384

Instagram

@solarnetic_episode

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Hi :yellow_heart: @Lady_Cannella I would like a review too

Title: I married my troublemaker (limelight)
Author name: Miss Deepika
Style: Limelight
Episode: 23 so far
Description: Fixed marriage with a person who brings trouble in your life, will this marriage turned out to be a success or big misery in your life.
{Art scenes}

Genre: comedy
Ig: @orangeweedie.episode

English is not my first language so kindly bear my small mistakes :heart:

I_married_My_Troublemaker_limelight_posterImage_KPu7T6Ma04

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:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I’ve already heard about you. :wink::joy:

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Nooo, that’s a big plot twist I wasn’t expecting this.
At. All. :joy:

Do you want me to proofread something Vik? :wink:

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Not yet. Hue hue hue.

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