Hi!
I would love some feedback, thank you Very much!!
My story is called The Heir, Author Sebule
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Hiii! Would you want to review my story please? Will mean a lot! 
It’s a high-school rom-com drama
Description: You are awesome, kind…YES! YOU are the Queen Bee, and people love you! But, can you stop your arch-enemy when she will stop at nothing to dethrone you, and find love along the way?
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6653573891555328
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Hey and thank you in advance ! 
My story is called Fire bond and I am interested in your (or anyone else’s ) opinion
The link is http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4565467524694016
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Hello @Lady_Cannella! Thanks for offering this opportunity to us! I would also love to hear what you think of my story as well! 
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Hey could you please send me the link?
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To all the other authors who applied, I’ll try to review your story as soon as possible 
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Hey sweetheart, I’ve just finished reading the first two chapters of your story and I must say that I’m truly linking it so far, it has great appeal and overall an intriguing plot 
There are some things that I noticed while reading:
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Layer mistakes: I noticed that in some scenes the characters weren’t placed in the right layer, it was possible to see the character doing an animation behind the other character.
I suggest you to double check everything through a preview on your phone, so that you can see if there are mistakes.
Another directing mistake that I noticed was the transition, I could see the transition fade out on the screen but after that I could still see the characters, for this I suggest to make sure that you put the transition command at the end of the scene, just before the new scene background (so that you shouldn’t have this problem while previewing) > same problem in the intro with the splashes -
Introduction: ok, I’ve experienced this on my own skin so I know how much relevance this has. The intro of your story is what capture the interest of your readers, so if you have a great intro, readers would more probably keep reading. I suggest you a shorter intro, not because kung fu is boring (don’t get me wrong) but it’s a bit too long hearing her talking about it and see just a glimpse of what it is in the reality (and I get that this problem is due to the amount of available animations) but in order to not make it feel too long and maybe a bit boring, I could suggest you to make multiples scenes to happen while she talks, like if it was a plan she makes in her mind before the actual fight (she’s in the car, she changes, she starts the fight and then she wins) or another way is to shorten the dialogue, but obviously it’s your choice
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Calling people: this is just a random thought: if she sees her mother more as a friend than a mother, why calling her “mother”? It feels so cold and detached, when I’ve read it for the first time I was already saying “Oh gosh here’s another strict mother…”.
I suggest a more affectionate word to call her mom since I bet she loves her
Same goes for her “driver”. I’d feel a bit bad if I was him…being called a driver (even if in an affectionate way I’d never call one of my friends/boyfriend “driver”) -
Be more aggressive
: Go wild with the cliffhanger! Be dramatic! If there’s something that makes the readers wanting to go on is a great suspenseful ending, make the reader say "Oh gosh, what happened in her past?! So I’d say, don’t show any past memory, just her talking (with no actual speech bubble) and him in disbelief)
[even at the end of the second chapter, let the reader see Brother’s mouth talking at the phone but just let him say “Hello Roy” “I’ve got a proposal for you” and then bam! "What is this mysterious proposal? Who’s Brother?,…] -
Be more dramatic!!! When Noah dies please, make it more clear, it was too rushed, take your time to show the reader the pain that Roy is feeling, the struggle that’s keeping Noah from dying, make him saying some super sad words, make the reader feel like all the pieces that kept the world of the main character together, are gone. Take more time to show what’s going on, so thanks to that, her motivation will be stronger.
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Speech bubbles: Ok, an easy one actually, I noticed that sometimes you don’t spot correctly the speech bubbles under the one who’s talking, an advice, put the speech bubble tail on the shoulder of the speaker (try it, it could really help you out, obviously remember to scale it in case)
Another thing, when she’s thinking something, it’s preferable that you put a thought speech bubble instead of a normal one, so you get immediately that she is thinking that [or even better: if you want to make it feel like an inner monologue, use the narrator speech bubble]
As I always say, these are just some things that I’ve noticed while reading, and are just some suggestions that you may or may not consider useful. Your story is truly interesting an captivating, I’d just make it feel more dramatic, since it’s where the hero’s journey starts.
Overall intriguing plot, nice directing and cool art. Keep up with the great work since this story could go really far
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Oh my god! That’s genuine feedback. I agree with what you said. I will work on it. Thank you so much for your time and for helping me make the story better. I appreciate it
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Thanks for doing this! I took a look at your critics and you seem have a knack for reviewing. Fancy to hear your feedback on my story. I hope I can be included to your reading list. 
Title: Treasure In You
Author: L.Q. Walter
Instagram: @lqwalter.episode
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Chapters: 8 (more coming soon)
Style: Limelight
Description: After discovering an old diary she believes will lead her to the location of a long lost treasure, she teams with an unlikely ally: a guy who is downright cocky yet wickedly hot!
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5342141547216896
Cover:
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Don’t worry, I’m happy I could help, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to contact me
Haha thanks 
And sure, no worries it will just take a bit longer to review it
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Hey! Not sure if this is still open, but I would love a review, if possible. If not, that’s okay too!
deets
Story: For Dear Life (LL)
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5319692842106880
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Sure no worries
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thank you 
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I’d love a review of the first few chapters of my unpublished story, I’ll send you the link & details over PM if that’s okay! 
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Heyyy!
I’ve just finished reading the first two chapters and I’m very liking your story so far
The main character’s backstory surely is not something common and it’s very intriguing nonetheless!
I’ve noticed some things while reading that I’d like to tell you about
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Introduction: I must say that yours is a cool intro (when you put the definition of tempting), but I think it could be even better!
Ok, for starters, I don’t know about others, but I’ve really no interest in customizing my best friend, moreover because I don’t really have a reason to customize her
Plus you could avoid many lines of customization -
The second thing that I noticed and that I’ve heard many readers complain about, is the “English is not my first language” thingy
Ok, I know this sounds stupid but there are many readers that don’t like the fact that the author puts that writing at the beginning of the story (maybe they think there will be bad grammar ahead).
However I suggest you to remove it completely and maybe ask a proofreader to double check your script, there are many great people in this community that would help you
[Even because I notices some mistakes] -
Shorter flashforward: ok this may seem pointless but a shorter flashforward captivates way better the interest of the reader that will find themselves say “Oh my…how she’s gonna answer to that?!”
I think you could cut it shorter after “But…I love you…” + her shocked reaction. Then transition fade out black [this will give a suspenseful look to your beginning] -
Directing I noticed some directing mistakes that you made, nothing serious but a bit noticeable:
The first one is the “entering” of the characters, when you spot a character in a different place of the screen instead of the given one, you should also spot them when they’re off screen. With this I mean that when your character has to enter the scene and walk to spot x y z in zone 2, you should place the character in the same spot but in another zone (the character has to enter from right? well you place them beforehand in zone 3 but with the same coordinates). The final result is that the character enters with a smoother transition instead of appearing super big on the bottom corner of the screen.
Another mistake that I noticed is that whenever you want to make it feel like it has passed some time between a scene and another one, you just put a fading transition in the middle, but you should put in between the INT. BLACK - NIGHT background, this because you can make a smoother transition and maybe add a dialogue line in the middle “3 hours later…”
Another advice about directing, when starting a scene you should place everything on the scene with the & symbol and then transition fade in > this way the characters and overlays won’t appear out of thin air -
Height differences: I love when a boy is higher than the girl but Jonathan is too tall, like damn! She seems a child compared to him
Plus this is just a plus that doesn’t concern this point, however, when Jonathan first meets Tiff he describes the scene like a narrator, and I found it a bit awkward (since he’s there, he shouldn’t be saying “she got out of the way and started doing something else” > it’s a bit weird you could instead put a narrator speech bubble ) -
Drugs and beating: the last scene of the second chapter left me like “wth just happened?” it was a bit too cliché, and I honestly don’t like that guys find in drugs the solution, it’s sad and make it feel like it’s normal (?!)
Plus the beating…I think it’s a very touchy subject since there are many women that experience it on their own skin (so I suggest you to put a choice so that the reader, that may be sensitive about this topic, can skip it)
OveralI really liked the story so far and I may continue reading it since you left me with a big question: Where the heck is she and what happened to her?! My guess is that she’s at Jonathan house because he saved her
Keep up with the great work and don’t hesitate to contact me if you have more questions
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Thank you so muchhh! Definitely will add these suggestions in!
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Hey dear!
Just finished going through the first two chapters
Ok, you’ve got a truly interesting story in your hands 
Nice directing! (even if some script templates were made by others > smart move )
Even though I noticed some things that I would give some advices about…
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Introduction: I think that the little intro you made when trying to make the reader aware of the sensitive topics you talked about in your story is not needed. With this I mean you should erase that part and just go on with the Luxe intro splashes and then, since they already state that your story will talk about strong and mature themes. Then you could add with a narrator speech bubble that your story treats those specific themes and ask id the reader is willing to keep reading knowing the topics you’ll be treating
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Yellow Maybe I’m the only one, but I really hate yellow coloured words in a speech bubble, I’ve a super hard time reading them and I hate to squeeze my eyes and move my phone in different positions in order to see what it’s written. So I suggest you choosing another color. Obviously it’s only up to you, but speaking for me, I’d appreciate it
Apart from this I don’t really have much to say, it seems like a great story so kudos to you! Can’t wait to know what is going on there… 
Good job and keep up with the great work, I’ve really enjoyed reading it, and I think I’m gonna save it, so I can keep reading it
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Thank you so much! And yeah I got a couple of mentions about the yellow words . Thank you about the sensitive topic part because I was just a little stressed thinking the audience would hate me for writing about stuff like this. Thank you for the advice and your kind words!
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Take you time! It’s worth the wait <3