Hiya! Just finished reading the first two chapters of your story
I’ve noticed some things that I’d like to say something about:
Author intro: this is a hot topic when talking about the reader judgement of your story (even when it comes to reviews), weirdly enough the majority of readers don’t like to see an intro with the author in it (mainly if they are saying “this is my first story”, I went through it as well but I learned from it) I’d suggest you to cut directly to the tappable menu and then, maybe add the author’s explanations at the end of the chapter
Grammar While reading I noticed that there are several mistakes, grammatical and spelling mistakes, so I’d suggest you to start looking for a proofreader that may help you out with English.
There are many amazing people in this community that would gladly help you on this
Too exaggerated: I don’t wanna seem rude but, sometimes the story seems surreal and too much fictional (I know it’s a story, but since it should be semi-realistic I guess it should be more natural), I think you shouldn’t push it too much. For example when Denzel arrives with his car, gosh, not even an Hollywood start would get that much attention in a bunch of seconds
College, reading your story, I suppose you’re not going to college/university.
But well let me give you a couple of advices about this environment.
When we’re talking about college, we’re in a completely different world (if not, galaxy) of high school. Here students don’t know everyone, because there are too many people [maybe someone is particularly popular] but you won’t find queen bees, minions, labels such as nerds, jocks, goths,…
It’s weird to imagine but it’s more of a relaxed atmosphere where you can find any kind of people, you could look deeper into it (since I bet you’re referring to a US college, but I can only speak in detail for my own Country)
Since these students are grown ups, I think they would have a bit more judgement than just talk ill of others like that, plus it’s hard to find people knowing everything about others.
Relationships: I find it so weird that they were together for 5 years and actually never even shared a kiss, you could make everything feel more natural If they had a normal relationship but then she was expecting an engagement ring instead of a breakup for their 5th anniversary
Another weird relationship that you give a glimpse of in the first couple of episodes is the one between Denzel and the MC, it’s a bit too fictional honestly.
He’s a popular, rich and handsome guy, the fact that he stalks her or that he becomes interested in her like that… You could make him think what a guy would think in that situation
Said this, I’m truly liking it so far even if it wasn’t what I was expecting when I first read the title and description, in fact I’d suggest you to put a flash forward at the beginning of the first chapter with their marriage so the reader will already know where the story is gonna head to and may wonder how they actually end up having a “forced” marriage.
Thanks for sharing this story with me, I hope my words will be useful for getting even better, keep going on like this and I’m sure you’ll go far