Unfortunately public transport as a woman who is alone is terrifying. I had an incident on a train on my 16th Birthday. I had been to the last showing of I think it was Scream 3 at the cinema and had to get the last train home at 11pm or so. I was in a carriage on my own and this man got on and kept offering me a slice of pizza.
I said no, and he came and sat directly next to me, practically on top of me, cornering me to the window and started running his hand up my thigh and wouldnt stop. There was nobody else there and I was afraid for my life.
My stop came and I told him I needed to go. He stood up but pulled me into a hug and wouldnt let me go. I got to the door and he reached around and grabbed my breast. This was all on my 16th Birthday.
I ran off the train and reported it to a security person stood by the gate. I had to do police statements and a line up (one year later may I add so I blocked a lot of his features out of my mind and to this day he wasnt caught as far as I’m aware) but the CCTV on the train was of terrible quality so it took them a lot time to locate a suspect to which I couldnt obviously identify him.
I still have to take this exact same train line if I am to need to travel into London. Which I have to do for medical appointments and if I end up working in london after my studies.
It’s took me opening up to my husband for him to realise how bad it actually is for woman.
My first sexual harassment I was 12 years old at the time it was the boyfriend of my friend sister. He was quite graphic sexually and didn’t understand at the time he continued until I was back at her house my mum was there and started talking about my breasts I felt so uncomfortable and other women who where friends of my mum joined in the comments not one person told him off at all. On the way home my own mother called me a slut for what I was wearing it was a one piece bathing suit with board short and a lose t-shirt over it.
I’ve been sexually assaulted multiple times even once when right next to my own husband the. Ran off.
When I walked in the city I had a bloke try and grab me off the street it was middle of peak hour nobody stopped thank god I hipped and shouldered him and kept going. After that my Dad personally use to drop me off at work and pick me up too make sure I was safe.
My first time I was a sexual assault I was so scared of men I was too scared to get to intimate with anyone until I met my husband.
Just last year a young woman was murdered by an ex co-worker who was stalking her she was sleeping in her own bed at the time and he broke in this rocked our community but just shows that women aren’t even safe in our own homes.
I cannot express how sorry and saddened I am that you had to go through this.
I have been sexually assaulted on three different occasions starting from when I was around 12. It changes you as a person.
And quite frankly it’s incredible that once a conversation is opened about these things, how many women come forward with similar experiences and its heart breaking.
We need to make a difference, women need to educate their sons, men need to educate their sons. We need to be safe and make the world a safer place for our daughters!
I have sons only young 2 and 6 but I’ve tried to teach them respect and consent. Hopefully it sticks but so far I had compliments over his behaviour. But I know it be a very long road but I make sure to call it out if any toxic talk in front of them or even when my son slips up I tell him why it’s not ok.
Actually my incident quite similar to you but I was luckier than you at that time. I was 16 years old then and there was “Infinity War” at the cinema. I was trying to catch the subway to get back home. I think it was 10.30 pm I can’t remember right now but the weather was really dark that day. I was waiting for the subway when a 40-45 years old man approached me and started a conversation. There were no people there and it made me really anxious. He asked me which school I was going to. When the carriage came, he followed me and sit the other seat. Even if he didn’t do anything, touching or throwing uncomfortable glimpses and etc. I somehow feel in danger because the carriage also empty too. Only two of us were in it. According to what he said, he was going to a hospital to check on his mom. He mentioned his life and job but while I was listening to him all I was thinking of “I had to do something, he has to know that I am not alone, someone has to know that I am here.” So while he kept going on talking, I called my mom and hung up the phone her face so that she call me back and my mom called me back right away and I told her that “Yes mom I’ve nearly arrived there, you won’t wait for me that long there.” He heard it too and with that I feel safer and secure. When my stop came I left here and told everything to my mom. Even if he didn’t do anything, there was there… “Instinct of protect myself” and I hate it to worry about my life because of such situations.While I was in that carriage all I was thinking of “What if he does something to me or maybe kill me ? , nobody can do anything for me because I am all alone here.” and there was no pepper gas with me so that I can protect myself too.
Also, there are lots of things that we are living in our daily lives and it worries us. Why do we have to be alerted all the time while we are walking on the street or using transportation vehicles? Why we must carry pepper spray or etc all the time so that we feel safe at some point?
I totally agree with you! We must educate our sons and make them know that they have to be respectful to everyone and approach everything with kindness.
I truly agree and I think most women will! Its high time men understand what our concerns are and why.
One day when I was walking home alone from the library and this man just was following me. What I did was just walk around the block to make sure he really was following me…which he was. I confronted him cuz it pissed me off. he said “oh i just saw u walk alone and thought that i should keep an eye on you so you reached home safe” regardless if that was really his intention i told him I will be fine and to leave.
honestly men, “Keeping an eye on us” will not help…stop “keeping an eye on us”…half the problem will be solved.
Maybe his intention was good I can’t say anything about it and actually it’s really thoughtful but whether his intention good or bad , he should think that it maybe make someone uncomfortable or scared .
Not sure if you were replying to the quote or what she had wrote. If it was the quote you are quite right was very intimidating and I was scared of this random guy walking and talking to me. But honestly although I felt uncomfortable for 5-10 minutes he may have saved me from being attacked which would have been a lot worse. However if you were talking about her post I completely agree he went about it the wrong way and it is very unclear what his intentions were.
Honestly although I felt intimidated I was so grateful for him and offering to leave first definitely made me feel more comfortable. I came to find out I knew the guy who was following me, he was quite weird and had been following around the campus, at first I thought it was a coincidence but he just kept appearing everywhere I was, I’d go the college shop and he’d be there, I’d go the chippy and he’d be there, girls toilets? He’d be outside. Always gave me a bad vibe and when I reported him I was told that he was probably just lonely.
It’s quite sad how I can/could tell you a lot of different stories about things that have made me feel uncomfortable today actually marks a particular day for me of something that happened back in 2011, I’ve been able to move on from it and while it wasn’t major or serious it has never left me.
I was thinking the same thing, maybe he had good intentions but just a bad way to show it…thats why I just kindly asked him to leave…but did freak my out there for a while lol
I was replying to what she had wrote but your situation are also matching with my words too.We can’t understand people’s true intention in that century though…
However, I’m not with his father and it’s a battle of wills sometimes. His dad isnt the perfect man, and is the kind who thinks it’s funny to point out ‘nice bums’ after collecting my son on the drive to his house. My son tells me about this.
Here I am trying to teach my son to respect women, but his dad, who he looks up to is teaching him the entire opposite and as he still lives with his mum, my son observes toxic male behaviour constantly as his dad is disgustingly behaved towards his own mother. My son often mirrors these behaviours. And whilst he is such a gentle, wonderful boy, I worry I’m fighting a losing battle.
This is disrespectful. To use such a powerful and sensitive thread for women to share their fears of simply being a woman, to promote your R4R. This is not a promotional thread. Please have some respect for the women here.
I think it’s heart breaking about how many stories there are here and how many of us have experienced abuse, assault or harassment more than once. We are only a few people out of many who have experienced the same, and some of us multiple times, no one should ever be made to feel unsafe
Just do the best you can and I’m sure you are already doing a fantastic job.
I don’t know if you will find this helpful especially as the children I work with are 2-4 but the ranges between 4-6 are still close in some areas.
It might be helpful to ask him how he thinks it would make others feel, for example if he said “Dad said… to someone today” try asking him what he thinks. For example
“Did he, how do you think that made that person feel?” If he struggles to identify then help him and say something like “It wasn’t a nice thing to say/do and it makes people feel very upset.” It can sometimes help to reinforce him not to do it by adding “You wouldn’t do that to your friends would you…” use it more as a phrase rather than a question… it still makes him think but also implies that you know he wouldn’t.
There once was a girl who went for a walk
Event though it was dark and her dress was short
A man came up to girl and asked if she’d like to go with him
Although the girl said no the man kept asking he to go
When the girl got upset he said “well why’d you where that then?”
A choice of outfit is not consent and no means no don’t you forget
Let me walk where I want and dress how I like without being harassed!
.Nobody should experience such things…