Asking for an Unpublished Story Review

I have an unpublished story that has just the first chapter, but it isn’t finished.
I was wondering if the storyline was alright, if my directing was good, and all in all if it is a promising story.
If you want to help me, feel free to comment down what i should correct.
Thanks! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
Here’s the link:


I can!

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Hey :blush: just wanna say Happy birthdayyyyy :heart_eyes::gift::heart: :partying_face::partying_face::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::llama::partying_face::partying_face:

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Thank you!! :blush:

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Ofc! :hugs:

Yeah sure, whenever you’d like to read it you can pm me what should i correct or what you liked, if there was anything :joy::revolving_hearts:

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