Beta read my Chapter 2?

Here’s the link to my new story, I was wondering if anyone could Beta read it for free. I’ll give everyone credit at the end of the chapter!


That intro… It’s a no from me.

Try to keep the speech bubble placement consistent, they some times move up and down the screen.
There was a glitch with the hug in scene 3
And the car overlay shift to the spots weirdly

Other than that your directing is really good!

I’ll check it out later!

Thank you so much! I’m still new to this so that means a lot, I’ll credit you at the end of my chapter when I fix it!

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Take you time, I’ll credit you at the end whenever you have time!

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I’m sorry you don’t like it :frowning: do you have any suggestions on what else I can do to make it better?

It will be better if you don’t pan the zones so consistently. Try using &cut to zone 1

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I’ll try to check it out later!

It was good. You could work on your intro and edit your zooms, speech bubbles, character placing, etc. but overall it was good and really interesting.

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I replaced my intro and I hope you’ll like this one better, and I tired to fix the zooms, speech bubbles, and everything else. I also gave you credit at the end as well, thank you for helping me!

Thank you, do it whenever you have time!

Thank you I’ll try not to use them as much!

Looks awesome can’t wait for the rest

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Hey!! I read your story and this is what I have so far:

Okay, let’s start with the intro. Thought I liked it, it was moving too fast. I couldn’t keep up with it. And the panning wasn’t very smooth either.

I don’t know what this translucent white screen is doing, but I’m guessing it’s for a flashback? You could have used filters too. It’ll look neater.

Here, the word used is wrong. It’s supposed to be, “Are we allowed to leave now?”.

I like how you wrote the letter, but when did Violet come and keep it on Hazel’s bed? You could’ve specified that there was a time skip to… after 1-2 hours? And where did Hazel go after yelling at her sister? Was it her room? Outside? It wasn’t specified and did confuse me a bit.

How old were they when this happened? They both look like 12-year-olds to me!!

I love how you used the unicorns as toys!!

Leah looks awkward here. Maybe use different animations? If im correct, this reaction was used for 2-3 dialogues. And it’s weird how Leah didn’t scold them or asked them to apologise to each other for talking rudely. Yeah, her parenting skills might be different, but that’s what parents usually do when their kids are arguing.

Okay, so right after the scene where Hazel breaks down and keeps repeating “I’m sorry”, it immediately cuts to Thea painting which looks a bit weird. Maybe you could transition the scenes?

Her hair colour’s blonde now, for some reason.

This is very oddly written. It’s very cringy when someone talks like this. And I don’t think anybody does in real life.

I find it very weird that after Hazel found the note explaining that their parents left because they were in danger, why didn’t she tell anyone other than Violet? They could’ve thought about calling the police, or relatives, or neighbours, anyone! But they didn’t and this is very bizarre. And how did Hazel live for 3 years without any money? She couldn’t have just stayed in the house for 3 years! What about schools? And the bills? Who was paying for that? Her family? Did she have a job? These are some serious plotholes you need to look out for.

Now, I want to talk about their age. Hazel and Violet were 17 when their parents left, right? And Violet left a day after receiving the note. Now, The problem is that they don’t look their age. I first assumed that boy were maybe 12 or 13. I’m sorry, but it’s true. 15-17-year-old teenagers look a bit more mature. I also want to point out that after 3 years, Hazel looks like a completely new person! This is very unbelievable. Just look at the difference between 17-year-old Hazel and 20-year-old Hazel:



Thank you so much, this was really helpful! I fixed everything, slowed it down, explained more, and you were right when I slowed down the intro it looked 10X better!

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I’m very glad I was helpful!!

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