I’m currently looking for 3 to 4 people to read the first three episodes of my story. It’s unpublished so they will be free.
I need honest brutal opinions about my story so far!
Hello Lana! I would love to read it! Are you able to read mine? I just published the first 3 episodes (I didn’t know people could read unpublished stuff) so I’m looking for suggestions on mine.
What’s the link to your episode?
Mine is:
1 Like
Yes, you can let people read unpublished stories! Sure Ill read yours if you read mines. 
Cindy DuClaire has everything a Fredrick Andrews girl could want: straight A’s, the perfect boyfriend, and a coveted spot in exclusive the Chestershire House. But on the first night of Christmas vacation, a blizzard traps her on campus with irresistible bad-boy Arsen Wolf.
Alone!
Instead of snuggling with her boyfriend next to a cozy fire in Vermont, she’s huddling for warmth with Arsen in Winston House.
As the snow transforms Fredrick into a winter wonderland, Cindy finds herself falling for Arsen. But someone is watching their clandestine romance unfold, someone intent on turning their holiday weekend into a nightmare…
And the once Good Girl of Chestershire House is willing to do whatever it takes to have what she wants.
Lies, Manipulation, Lust, Betrayal, and Murder.
@LanaAugustine the first thing I notice after finishing episode one is that it’s really hard to keep track of whose talking. The speech bubble is not usually at the correct person mouth, or the wrong characters mouth is moving. Also I didn’t see any choices? I would add some to keep the reader engaged.
I absolutley LOVE how you scripted the formal event with that many characters! I was having trouble with like 7 haha.
I let you know what I think after reading chapter 2 and 3.
1 Like
I’m not putting choices in mines i wont do anything for the story and it wont contribute anything. It purely just a story nothing more.
1 Like
I gotcha. I just finished 2 and 3. I’m impressed with the photos and phone call in 3. I have to figure out how to do that still!
The main thing I would work on is speech bubbles. Episode 2 they were over the main characters face majority of the episode while the girls were talking in the dorm room.
Also episode 3 with the phone call…the mom was blacked out. Was it supposed to be like that?
Keep up the good work with the story!!! Let me know any feedback with mine if you get a chance! Thank you!
Yes mom is black out on purpose I want the readers to imagine what a druggie mom would look like. Even though you do get to see her before the drugs in that one picture.
Yes I know the speech bubbles have to get fixed along with the dorm room. Its still a prototype right now sp it’s not as perfect as I want. And trust me this isn’t a romance story either if you where thinking it was.
No worries, I just wanted to make sure the black out was done on purpose! I have to figure out how to do a phone call like that, it was so cool!
And yeah, it took a while for me to figure out speech bubbles and placement when I was writing mine too.
I didn’t think it was a romance whilst reading…especially because the main character is so uneasy with the events that are supposed to occur in Vermont.
Ok so here is what I have to say about your story. The directing and conversations need soon help. The talking feels a bit forced I’m not sure if this is your first time writing but you can find someone to help you with that and the directing. The story is a really good in think you have a good plot you just need some help with executing it to make it s good read.
I cant help you with your story if you need it. I know how hard it can be to find a partner that sticks with it.
Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it! My story is actually a “dumbed down” version of a real life novel I’m currently writing. So it’s hard to get the main points across without going into much detail. I’ll have to revisit and work on that. As for the directing, that I’m basically new at and have been using tutorials and such from the forums. I’ll try to see what I can do to make it better! Thank you for giving it a chance!!
1 Like
Bumping 
Bump!