Iām sorry lampshade, but you always keep me up at night. And I think the heat between you and the lightbulb is too great to ignore. I canāt belive that I have to do this but weāre over.
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You forgot to add someone for the next person to break up with 
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I hear by dub thee the moderator of this page 
No but actually thanks for keeping track of all this bc no one else is itās super helpful 
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Youāre breaking up with your cousin.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVV
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Dear house,Iām sorry itās not you itās me 
Just lately you havenāt been yourself,you havenāt supported me in anything,I just canāt stand you anymore. 
Iām so sorry you were a lovely house 
,but I found someone else 
Iām so sorry but Iām breaking with you 
Break with your: laptop
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Dear laptop,
Iām so terribly sorry, but our relationship is OVER, your so annoying and glitchy! that is so disrespectful and you never listened to me when I tried to type! I tried to tell you that I didnāt want to be in the relationship anymore but you blackmailed me with my inappropriate search history! I was finally able to hack in and clear the history and for that we are SO OVER!
Break up with: Your sexy chemistry teacher
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Mr. Dashing (idk what to call him), I simply cannot date you, as you are too much of a fine specimen for me to keep, and also partially to the fact that if my parents found out they would for sure get you fired, and I would never want that to happen. I hope to see you fine ass sometime again in the future, preferably tomorrow cause I have Chemistry tomorrow. Farewell, my ex-love. Does hair flip and struts out of the classroom
Break up with: your teddy bear
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Dear Teddy Bear,
You are truly mean, you love my baby sister more than me. Today is her birthday, you sleep with her, you even let her chew you. We can no longer date, and I donāt even I have time for you. Anyways you would probably get thrown out when we move. Then YOU WILL MISS ME No one even likes you.
I HATE YOU!!!
Break up with your mom.
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Listen, wall, we had some pretty good and tough times together. I hate to say this, but itās over. I donāt like how youāve been treating me lately. Especially last week when I punched you and you broke my hand. Also, Iāve also hated the color you were painted. Itās not me, itās you.
Break up with your bed.
I am sitting on you now, I am farting on you in my underwear. I hate you bed.
You are gross, You house too much trash, little pieces of these two pieces of trash you cheated on me with~!
Even the napkin, Iām leaving you for the couch! Itās comfy, oh, I donāt care, I slept on it when I was little when my older bed got taken up by my dad! You are not fun anymore, I donāt even dance on you because you are too unstable, my mom wouldnāt even change our light bulbs on you and you had the audacity to lay there and get in her way, even if she was short and needed you to stand on but you were NEVER EVER FIRM! I was even to afraid to stand on you!
My dear beloved bed, we. ARE. OVER!!!
Break up with your ex-boyfriend.
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Look Ajay,
If youāre going to flirt with your ex all the time just go with her! You need a reality check bro!
Ajay: Bro?
Me: Dude, Iām friendzoning you!
Ajay: Just donāt call me dude yet.
Me: Your like a brother to me!
Ajay: Stop!
Me: I hope we can be friends!
Ajay: God! Just stop!
Me: Fine, ninos!
Ajay: STOP!
I donāt have an ex yet but this is exactly how the break-up would be 
Break up with your favourite episode story LI
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Christian Young: A Song For You
Listen, Christian. Iāve really enjoyed reading about you, but I canāt continue. I mean, how awkward is it that I have to tell everyone I know that Iām dating an animated character. Like donāt get me wrong, youāre a snack, but the others donāt understand. I truly wish we could make this work, but it seems impossible. I mean, you canāt even look at me in the eyes to tell me how much I mean to you. Iām so sorry, you were always my favorite love interest. I hope whoever you find next treats you well.
Break up with your favorite food
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Chocolate, you ruin my sinuses, you make them worse, Iām so sorry, I will eat you to death if I can but I canāt, right now. Iām sorry, goodbye.
Break up with Ramen Noodles Beef flavor.
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Dear keyboard,
Weāve been together a long two days. The way your bumpy face is curved with such, ugly symmetry is beyond my control. I know that you try to provide me with all the access on my computer, and I know you try hard. However, whenever I try to type, you always stick to my fingers like glue, and youāre the reason why I canāt get enough of my computer. Iāve decided to go on Keyboard Tinder, and I was able to find another Keyman. His name is Jerry, and he glowsā literally. Rainbow.
Iām sorry.
Goodbye.
Break up with your apple tree
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Iām sorry apple tree I found one day, you hoard all the apples from me! Youāre tasteless apples are starting to rot and you no longer bear fruit! Youāre seeds never work! I just donāt kn ow how to fix you and thus Iām leaving you to go date (by force) my therapist Msā Shrimny and she will eat your apples all the while~!
We. are. doneā¦
Break up with your crush/lover/partner/etc.
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howdy Partner!
I believe itās time I leave you alone in your dump. Itās not me, itās you. Iām drunk af right now, so Iād appreciate if youād never communicate w me ever again. (Btw, I saw Karen at ur place last night. Enjoyed dessert?)
Break up with your sleep paralysis demon
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I know that youāve kept me company in the dark, but last night you took it too far - you stole my blanket and touched my feet and i wasnāt very comfortable with it. I think we should have a break for now. I also found out that you were haunting other girls so it seems to me youāre not ready for a real relationship yet.
Break up with your postman
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Dear postman,
I donāt know your name, nor will I ever know it. The only thing I know is that you always deliver the mail for me, but this canāt go on any longer. Last night, you delivered a cheap knockoff of the Gucci 1977 tennis sneakers. I know for a fact the site delivers the real thing, my aunt ordered a kidney and they delivered it! Itās obviously your fault, you cheap excuse for a mailman. Next time donāt scam me. And also, youāre over 30 minutes late, so itās free.
Break up with your favorite singer
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Ever since i was 6 years old, I would dream about meeting you at a concert. When i finally saw you on stage it was love at first sight - for both of us. Iāve been listening to your music for my whole lifetime. When you came out with your new single, i was broken. Not only does it sound bad, but you have fangirls who āadoreā it and you. It seems to me that youāre in love with your fangirls more than you are with me and i canāt be in this relationship knowing that youāre most likely cheating on me with one of them. It was fun while it lasted, but i canāt do this anymore. Goodbye.
Break up with your phone for a newer version
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Dear my bby with an angelic voice,
āI know this may be a shock to you, but youre moving out of my house tonight.
You used to be so hawt with your fair skin and light hair, and I would carass you every night before bed.
But now youve become plain old- tainted and crinkly.
I have decieded that it is time for you to move out of my room.!ā
I said as I tore down the poster from my wall, ripping the fragile sheet in my hands. He was crinkly all right.
Break up with your nightstand.
Omg oops sme alr posted
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