If anyone needs somebody to edit, proof-read, or something of the sort, I’d be more than happy to help!
Moved to Find a Writing Partner since you’re offering to be a beta-reader. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about where to correctly create topics, and feel to PM me if there are any questions.
Hi there I need help with my story please
Firstly, thanks for letting me review your story. I do like the way the plot moves along, though it goes a little fast. The length is decent for a pilot, so you shouldn’t need to worry about that. As for grammar, your spelling and punctuation is great. I would suggest you offer CC, but if you’d rather not that’s fine.
The story beginning in her room in the morning is a little overused. Sure, it’s an easy way to start, but I’ve read a lot of stories where the MC gets out of bed, yawns, and states how tired she is. During the first draft of my story, that’s basically exactly what I did, but I changed it later when I read an article of things not to do when writing a story. I think it would be fine if you left it like that, since it’s not her first day of high school or whatever. (Which is a VERY overused cliche)
It’s not necessarily bad, but it is rather interesting how she hears his name and swoons almost immediately. Maybe have that connected to something, such as her always liking that name? There’s nothing wrong there, but it might assist in making it more realistic.
Personally, I’ll read almost any story if it’s funny. In my opinion, some of the best include Without You, Deep Desire, Loco Amor, and I Despise You. If you look at their storylines, they’re pretty serious, but there’s a lot of humor scattered around the plot, which just makes a story much more enjoyable to read. I’m not saying to duplicate George the cockroach, but maybe add some jokes in there to lighten up serious situations.
I think that’s everything. Overall, you did a pretty good job. You could definitely publish now, or you could be like me and take a year to finish the first chapter. (Please don’t do that, I’m pretty sure it isn’t normal).
Thanks! If you need any more help, feel free to ask.
(Also, sorry for the delay. For some reason, sometimes the forums decide not to load, so I couldn’t respond until now.)
I have recently revamped. I would love some review about it.
- Title: Black hearts Golden desires
- Author: Madhu
- Chapters: 6
- Description: Nand , a sorcerer princess of Solataria has two beautiful loving sisters, her other two halves. But what will happen if it becomes the vice versa and an old enemy arises back for revenge? Will Nand be able to overcome it ? Or will she fail?