Brooke's Honest Story Reviews [CLOSED TEMPORARILY]

Hello and welcome to Brooke’s Honest Story Reviews!

I am here today, to review and give advice on your stories. As such, these reviews will be completely honest and unbiased. I won’t sugarcoat anything, but I will also try not to be too harsh – just give simple criticisms on how your story can improve – and where it succeeds.

I’m just putting this out there so that people know what they’re coming in for – and don’t get offended because of my review. I’ll simply state the pros and cons of your story – and how you could improve the issues with the story.

Thank you for understanding, now let’s get into the information:

Grading Rubric:

Puncuation / Spelling / Grammar: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Story Plot: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Directing and Coding: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Episode Length: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Cover: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

All of these will be followed with my reasons on why I granted the specific scores, to ensure that you know the areas in which to improve.


Number of Episodes:
Additional Information:

If you would like me to review your story, please fill out this form – so that it is easier for me to find your story on the platform.

Please note, that the maximum amount of episodes I will read of your story by default – is three. So, I will be reviewing your story off of your first three episodes, specifically.

Thank you so much for visiting my thread — and I can’t wait to read all of your stories :two_hearts:


Thank you for this thread. I’m always looking for ways to improve. Be as honest as you’d like; I’ll for sure take everything you say into consideration. With that being said, here are the deets for my story.

Title: From This Day Forward
Author: goth.gaia
Number of episodes: 6 (ongoing)
Additional information: None!

Thank you in advance! :revolving_hearts:

1 Like

Title: Kotton Kandie
Author: Pretty Eri
Number of Episodes: 4
Additional Information
My story is unpublished and thank you.



Title: Choose?!!!
No.of Episode’ 3(complete)
Additional info:

Hope you enjoy :wink:

1 Like

Author: Giselle Crescent
Number of Episodes: 3
Thank you so much for doing this!! :heartbeat:


Title: Tears Between Smiles
Author: TessS
Number of Episodes: 4
Additional Information: none :slight_smile:
Thank you so much :black_heart:

1 Like

Thank you so much for this!!

Title: Closing the Distance
Author: G. Lambent
Genre: Adventure
Episodes: 4 (ongoing)
Style: Ink
Description: When Thea finds herself trapped on the other side of the country with no money, a suitcase and a man she hates, travelling home becomes an adventure that will change her life.

1 Like

From This Day Forward

Spelling / Grammar: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
I, personally didn’t find any noticeable spelling or grammatical errors in the first three episodes of the story — so good job in that department.
Story Plot: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
I’ve seen this type of plot before (the toxic / abusive boyfriend — MC must find love again). However, I do like the twists you put into the story to make it different. Unlike a lot of stories — it does realistically portray toxic relationships, and doesn’t encourage or promote them. In fact, the first episode was basically a set up for the plot to come later in the story — so it has time to display where the MC went wrong when deciding to continue to date an abusive person — and how she strays away from that person. So, I thought that was neat. I also didn’t expect it to get as dramatic as it did in the later episodes, which was a nice surprise. The subtle comedy also helps to nicely settle the mood of the story.
Directing and Coding: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
There were no obvious mistakes that turned me away from — or gave me a bad taste of the story. There were some impressive “over the shoulder” shots that I thought were visually appealing. However, just as a small nitpick — very rarely, there are instances where a character will talk with a talking animation — and the next phrase they say doesn’t have an animation. Yet again, this is nothing too bad at all — and I’m sure it only happened twice.
Episode Length: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Dayumm, these episodes are loooong! I’m actually curious to how many lines these took. In fact, I had to take a few breaks during the first episode — as they were so long. This could be used as a con, but personally, I think it’s better to have long episodes than feel like you wasted a pass with a painfully short episode.
I don’t know where else to add this — but I also feel like there aren’t a whole lot of choices in this story. There are a few that apparently impact the plot, which is cool — but it’s less of an interactive story — as it is watching this characters life journey.
Cover: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
I like the color scheme of the cover. The greys you used set the theme for the story — and doesn’t feel too gloomy. I just feel like the characters are so far away and not very visible — as well as the text isn’t very eye catching, in my opinion. I also like the touch you added of the wedding rings stuck together. It brings a sense of brightness to the cover.

Overall, I like your story so far. I think that it definitely deserves some more reads — and hope it gets acknowledged soon.

Send me a fanmail once you read my story :grin:.

Title of the story : Trail Of Tears
Name of the author : Cindy
Story genre : Drama/Romance
Description : A girl who goes through a lot in her life. Some days are good and some days are bad she wants to just be a normal girl that does not have to run away from her problems. CC
Link :
Style : Ink
Episodes : 16

Can you please PM me the review.

1 Like

Title: Aphrodite
Author: Kay Dee
Number of Episodes: 5 (ongoing)
Additional Information: None!

1 Like

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this review. It means a lot! :hugs:
I’m glad to hear that I portrayed the abusive relationship aspect of the story realistically. That was something I was a little hesitant over, as I never want to glorify something so horrible, so to know that I wasn’t is a big relief.
I’ll go through my script and check the animations - that’s actually one of my biggest pet peeves in a story, when a character is “talking” but they’re frozen. Thanks for letting me know!
Are they really that long??? Damn. :sweat_smile: When I’m writing them, they seem rather short. :joy: Episode one is almost 6000 lines long, but customization takes up around 2500 and there’s also a lot of directing commands. You’re now the third person to let me know that ep one is way too long (lmao i’m sort of embarrassed), so I’ll have to figure out how I can edit it down to something more palatable. I’ll be sure to add more choices in my future episodes as well, meaningful ones especially!

Thank you for the feedback on my cover and story aesthetic. I’ll take your notes into consideration. :sparkling_heart:

Once again, thank you so much for this! I’m super appreciative. :two_hearts:

1 Like

Kotton Kandie

Spelling / Grammar: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
There are quite a bit of spelling and grammatical mistakes in the three episodes that I had read — causing the score. For example, “You’re not a failure Kandie.” from episode one, should be “You’re not a failure , Kandie.”
“After years of being in an emotionally abusive marriage. It altered your way of thinking.” the two sentences should be combined, “After years of being in an emotionally abusive marriage, it altered your way of thinking.”
“I might have sleep with her dad and brother.” should be, “I might have slept with her dad and brother.”
There were a bit of minor errors like that — as well as some sentences ending with no punctuation mark at the end.
Another thing that was a bit distracting, was the amount of slang that was used. Now, I know this probably makes me sound like an 80 year old snob who doesn’t understand modern slang — but, I understand it, it’s just off putting and makes it seem like less of a professional story in my eyes.
Story Plot: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
The directing of the story confuses me quite a bit. There is no clear plot. It’s just Kandie going places — meeting a guy — a little bit of her backstory is revealed — and then the episode is over. It gets repetitive — as each and every episode follows the same direction. It’s odd because I just can’t really find a plot for the story. During one of the later episodes I read — it reveals a flashback of Kandie’s abusive relationship. This scene doesn’t follow a classic storytelling lesson all too well. Show don’t tell. All you see in this scene is Kandie crying, and the abusive husband telling her that this is why he cheats on her. Also, this abusive husband character, he doesn’t have much depth. He just goes “I want you back, Kandie. Please.”. I don’t know how Kandie fell for him in the first place. Usually, when someone falls into a toxic relationship, there is something about them that they like about that person. Whether it’s their charm, their looks, etc etc, it’s just not there. There is nothing here that I think the MC would find attractive. He has no good qualities (I am aware that usually the good qualities the woman fell for usually disappear in a toxic relationship, but that’s the problem — I don’t know what made her like him in the first place).
Back to “show don’t tell” — during the flashback where Kandie is with her toxic partner — via readerMessage — it’s literally told to me that Kandie is a strong woman, but she just has the wrong man in her life. I don’t have much to add other than to show don’t tell.
Directing and Coding: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
There are a few spot directing mistakes, for example — when characters are sitting in chairs, it often looks like the scale option wasn’t even used. They just look way too big for the seat. There’s a few layering issues when Kandie is running with the one LI — and when Kandie is woken up by her friend — but other than that you’re good.
Characters also just seem to teleport on and off of the screen sometimes. This can be avoided by using the “@CHARACTER walks to screen [position] in [time]” command.
I also wish you would have been a bit more ambitious. There were a few cool over the shoulder shots when the toxic ex husband returns to Kandie — but it doesn’t last long, and that’s it. I think some more zooms would benefit the visual appeal of your story greatly.
Episode Length: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
The episodes are pretty short. I feel like maybe you should add a bit more into the episodes to make them longer — so that you gain more from one pass.
Cover: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
From the images you provided, the cover looks okay. It’s very vibrant — but there just isn’t a draw to it. On the small cover, I would recommend making Kandie a lot bigger, as there is a lot of space around her.

Your story could use some improvements before it is published to the world — but for the record, I like that you are incorporating diversity in your story. It’s not very often that there is an African American MC — and that’s cool. Good luck with your story!

Thank you so much :two_hearts:
Best of luck on your story!

1 Like

Thank you, for the review. I will take what you said into consideration.

1 Like

Hi! I would love for you to review my story! Thanks in advance for your hard work!
Name: Girl of Deception
Number of episodes: 7 episodes
Genre: Adventure
Description: Aria Lamar has is all. She’s rich, beautiful and smart. But she’s a selfish arrogant jerk. Little does she know that’s all about to change.CC in episode 6 choices matter

1 Like

BOOOOOOOOOO what have you doneeeeeeeeeee you’re challenging yourself :sob:

:grimacing: :joy:

It’s really fine — I enjoy doing this :two_hearts:

1 Like

I may send Eugene if u need help :smirk:

1 Like

Story Title: Respiration
Style: Limelight
Number of Chapters: 3 (Ongoing)
Story Genre: Mystery-Drama
Story Theme: Detective Fiction
Story Description: Detective Sienna Karishma is left to venture amongst the obscure investigation of the murder of April Miller. Will she crack the mind-perplexing case, or will it crack her first?
Story Link:

Small Cover:


Large Cover:


Thank you!

1 Like


Spelling / Grammar: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
There are quite a bit of spelling mistakes I found in the story. There are some choices and sentences that don’t begin with a capital letter, and I find that quite distracting. There are also a few speechbubbles that don’t end with any sort of punctuation marks.
“Captain” should be something like “Captain!
And then there are a few sentences that just don’t look like much thought was put into them, or re-read.
“Wait!!!did he say PLUTO!!?!!??” should be something like “Wait! Did he say PLUTO?”.
“Maybe i am just dreaming…yes,it can be.” should be “Maybe I am just dreaming… (space) yes, (space) that could be it.
There are also a lot of instances where there won’t be an apostrophe is missing in words like “It’s” – and end up being spelled like “Its”.
Also, the name of the story is a big turn-off for me. “Choose?!!!” is not a professional name for a story. It’s fine for a story to have a fun title, but this just seems like absolutely no effort or thought was put into the story title.
Story Plot: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
I’m really confused by this story plot. Going off of the first episode here, there isn’t a catch that makes the reader want to read more. The first episode is the main selling point – and frankly, it just doesn’t make any sense and is just very repetitive. I get that “repetitive” is the point of that first episode – but the reader is subjected into watching these same exact scenes happen over and over again. A casual reader, in my opinion, would find this boring – and end up turning off the story before this plot can even kick in. I was confused when I first read that the story was going to be a fantasy, and I started reading only to see it was the quite boring and repetitive life of this girl. It’s not until the end of the first episode until the fantasy point of the story begins. And even then, the reader probably would think twice before using a pass – which isn’t a good sign.
When reading episode two – I was just as confused. The MC wakes up on this spaceship set to land on Pluto. She suddenly just struts the ship without a worry of who inhabits the ship. She just helps out the pilots with absolutely no thought. The only suspicion I hear from her is “I have a bad feeling about this”. That’s it. She isn’t concerned. If anything she’s just excited that she’s going to be landing on her “favorite planet”.
Then… all of the sudden they are back on Earth because she finds Gabe… but he doesn’t remember her… and she eats dinner… the plot just feels like a mess. There is no explanation. This MC doesn’t display any emotion. Oh, she wakes up on a spaceship. Eh. Oh, her family can’t remember her. Eh, that’s too bad.
I think it would be great if you explored character motivations and emotions – as that is what makes the characters feel real. Emotions. Feelings. Mistakes.
Directing and Coding: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
There are a lot of directing errors in the script. Sometimes characters will just teleport from point A to point B – and sometimes characters will be doing a non-walking animation while walking (I wasn’t clicking too fast, either). The zooms aren’t great. I would recommend you use the directing helper on the app or writers portal to use zooms, rather than basic zooms commands like @zoom on CHARACTER to 200%.
A lot of times characters will randomly appear ontop of objects. This can be fixed by asking someone on the forums to make you an overlay of whatever they are standing on, and then it will look fine. Or you could just move your characters to a spot that doesn’t include any objects or obsticles.
Episode Length: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
The first episode isn’t that long. This is a big deal because yet again – it is the pilot. What makes a reader determine if they will continue to read the story. If episode one is short – they probably won’t spend a pass, assuming the next one is short as well.
Cover: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
The cover could use some improvement. It has a nice focus on the characters due to the dark background – but I think since your story is a fantasy/adventure type – there should be maybe a background that fits that theme more? And maybe the large cover could be parallel to the small cover, rather than just being a quote.

I would love to see your story improve – as I love the fantasy genre, but frankly there are just a lot of things that I think need improving. Best of luck with your story :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like