A2. My honest opinion - Rating of individual chapter (/10) + A paragraph explaining why I rated it that way.
CHAPTER 1 10/10 - Aria is a bitch (I say that in the best way possible) and I love it! She’s the woman that most authors portray as the antagonist in stories, but I’m totally living for Aria. Chapter 1 introduces a handful of characters that Aria’s life needs (Lyra, her employees), and it gives us a look at the entitled and arrogant Aria Lamar. I mean, you have to have some serious issues to be this full of yourself and have yourself on such a high pedestal.
Aria is a manipulative and - sometimes- crazy raging bitch, especially in that bar scene. Like??? What?? I see why everyone hates her!
Did she get sent back in time with the curse??? Because this just got so muuuuch better! I was not expecting it. (if she’s just dreaming, ignore my stupidity lmaoo)
CHAPTER 2 (10/10)- Poor woman was right, Aria got what’s coming to her and it is hilarious. To see her life be completely flipped upside down in this way is fantastic. I’m just waiting until Aria realizes what her life is now and that she can’t continue acting like a raging maniac.
Ahhhh she’s a maid!! She’s really going to have to learn how to deal with her temper now.
Okay, she’s gotten smart. Even though she’s stuck in the past, she’s being nicer now, at least to Lisa.
Ahhh, enter cute boy, stage left! I think it’s awesome how you incorporated characters from Aria’s life into the past. It really makes it interesting to see how she’s going to see them differently now that she’s off her high horse.
Aria started as a person that I liked, but is growing into an even better person as I’m typing this. I’m excited and happy for her to get this attitude adjustment.
The only thing that I can suggest here is that Aria adjusts a bit /too/ quickly. For someone so entitled her entire life, I think she would have some sort of “woe is me” phase before moving on into a decent person, you know? A state of shock, disbelief. I know that I wouldn’t accept it so quickly and I’m not nearly as bad as she is.
CHAPTER 3 (8/10)- Now I see where the romance comes in. It’s like a medieval, royal bachelor? I see a whole lot of opportunity for drama and I do NOT see Aria going down without a fight.
I was not expecting this at all, to be honest. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but this was waaaay down on the list. I mean, trials to marry the prince? How could Aria pass it up?
This chapter was a bit more simple than the others, and seemingly shorter, but I’m not complaining! It offered just enough to know what was going on and told me what I needed to know
CHAPTER 4 (9/10) - Did she actually get kidnapped??? I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m ready for whatever it is.
A prophecy? Every time I figure out what’s going on, you go and change something up! I love all these little small twists that you put in here, but you have to be careful, but you may end up with way too many unanswered questions with all of these different subplots that are floating around.
Rafe has just an air of mystery around him, which makes him a bit more likeable than Cassian. Yes, Cassian is a total cutie but he fell too hard, too fast and it’s slightly creepy.
??? The genre of this story just keeps changing and I Don’t know what to think? My mind is just ??? Like, first it was bitchy-drama and then it was magic time travel and then it was romance-drama and now it’s magic-fire-lady??
The strange thing is, I can totally keep up with it all! I just hope that things don’t get forgotten with all of the new things that are being added, you know?
B. Title/Cover Art/Summary Review
//I do this before I read the story so I’m not biased//
Girl of Deception… I’m not sure what I expect out of this story, and that’s a good thing! The title is catchy and makes me, as a reader, curious! Why is she deceptive? What’s the plot going to be? I know we got a taste with the summary, but the title isn’t BAM! In your face with the plot.
The small cover is simple, but well put together. The main character on a background…there is no white grainy lines surrounding her, so I can tell that it was well edited.
The large cover has 2 more characters on it, which makes me feel like there is going to be a love triangle. The two male leads look similar, so that could be coincidence or they could be related??? I don’t know, just guessing.
///Aria Lamar has is all. She’s rich, beautiful and smart. But she’s a selfish arrogant jerk. Little does she know that’s all about to change.CC in episode 6 choices matter///
WHY IS IT GOING TO CHANGE??? By the sound of it, she’s the opposite of main characters in most stories on episode. She’s not a shy and nerdy bookworm that gets swept away by the first decently attractive dude to look her way. She sounds like a woman that knows what she wants! Rich, beautiful and smart?? 10/10 character all the way. Yes, she may be a selfish and arrogant jerk but it’s awesome! She’s the anti-MC of episode’s stories and I’m looking forward to it.
The summary offers a small taste of what’s going to happen in the story and doesn’t give it away. Why is she going to change? HOW is she going to change??? IDK but lets find out!
C. Plot rating (10/10)
I won’t say that the plot is 100% unique, because it’s not. What you did was take a cliche (poor girl to rich) and flip it – which you executed very well. I’m anticipating each scene and that’s what this is all about - keeping readers wanting more by adding small twists every chance you get.
The one problem that I really see that can be easily overlooked is in episode 2, how quickly Aria became submissive to Irianna and began listening. She went through a short phase of defiance and then fell into obedience? I think she would have played victim just a bit before accepting what happened.
*C1. I will tell you how likely I am to continue reading (10/10)
This story is the bomb.com (excuse how lame that is). I adore Aria, even with all of her flaws. She’s started as a terrible person and it was awesome. I know that she needs a serious attitude adjustment and I am loving it and waiting for it. In the meantime, I’ll just be enjoying every minute.
*C2. Plot ideas (if any).
I don’t have any?? I’m sorry. You’re doing amazing by yourself, I don’t know how I could make this better.
*C3. Cliche Rating (1/5) + Detailed explanation + Tips on how to fix it.
This story really wasn’t cliche? I mean the main character IS the mean girl? I’d definitely say that this is an anti-cliche. Usually you get poor, shy nerd that gets turned rich overnight. Now we have a rich, confident woman that just got uprooted and is now a peasant. This is going to be hilarious.
I did have the cliche rating at 0, but I had to bump it up to one because of the prophecy or whatever about Aria. To be honest, it seems a bit random? Like, it definitely ties into the whole “curse” and “being sent to the past” plots, but what does it have to do with now??
D. Spelling/Grammar rating (9/10)
I never noticed any huge errors in spelling or grammar, just a few missing commas and whatnot here and there.
The dialogue all seems pretty realistic, like what you’d hear in everyday conversation. You did well making Aria make all of the other character’s lives suck.
E. Directing Review (10/10)
The directing was all smooth and pretty bug free. The spotting was all on point and the directing was not basic. Characters walked, it zoomed, there was panning, it’s great! It wasn’t too advance to where I got bored of all the crazy animations and zooming, it was just the right amount of directing.
E1. Suggestions - I will give you suggestions/tell you if there’s anything specific that looks weird or buggy.
All of your scenes run smooth and make sense. Your directing has been checked well as you write, as I could not find a single error that needs fixed.
F. Character Review (main character)
Aria is entitled and bitchy, but in the best sense. She know what she wants, and she doesn’t take BS from anybody and it’s so refreshing to see. I know that “it’s all going to change” soon, so I’ll be patiently waiting for the big moment.
Now that I’m seeing her begin to change, I like her even more. Aria is growing into someone that (hopefully) can appreciate what she has, and all of the people around her. After all, she wouldn’t be so rich and famous if she didn’t have hard working employees.
THIS is character development. Taking a crazy, manipulative woman and turning her into someone nice and sympathetic. Albeit, it happened a bit fast and sudden, but I’m not complaining at all.
G. Overall Rating (10/10)
Choices matter, CHECK!
Cute outfits, CHECK!
Directing is 99% bug and error free, CHECK!
Spelling and grammar are 99% error free, CHECK!
Character that you love to hate??? CHECK!
I don’t know how this story could be any less than a 10/10! It literally made me LOL at how glad I am to NOT be like Aria because she is in for a RUDE awakening.
The chapters were all a good length and kept me craving more.