Can anyone provide some feedback please?

[lamecast88]

If you can read my first unpublished episode and provide some quick feedback, it would be much appreciated. Thank you!

The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: When Death Dances on Rainbows

Please read my first episode only!
To me, it’s completed and without errors.
But I want to make sure everything looks good from a fresh pair of eyes.

Title:
When Death Dances on Rainbows

Description:
While lingering in limbo, you get pulled into a series of colorful murder investigations. A fanatical serial killer is loose in Haven City, hindering your hope for heaven.

Plot:
The MC is dead and in limbo with other people who died in the same area as her and within the same year (1951). It was a crime-filled city (NY, Chicago, Detroit types), so chances of a horrific death/bad life choices are higher.
The souls in limbo did mostly bad/questionable things with a few sprinkles of good. They have 40 (if I want to do a bible reference) or 100 years (because it takes that long to fix your soul )
Limbo looks a lot like where they lived while alive, they’re sort of echoing their former lives to see if they’ll make the same mistakes again.
After one year someone is “murdered”, or Soul Sleeping. This puts a halt to all the souls’ earnings/points for heaven. That’s why people need to find the murderer.
There’s more, but I don’t want to give away too much

Themes:
MC will be bisexual and have options for soulmate(s): 2 males, 1 female, and a poly relationship with male/female couple.
Romance is NOT a main focus, just a happy little bonus.
Right now MC is female because of a favorite noir trope of mine. I may add a male MC option with a bit more research and tweaking.
The story is influenced by mystery/noir films.
There will be profanity, gang/mafia related activity, blasphemy, death, substance use, other terrible crimes, and scenes alluding to sex and/or prostitution, maybe more?
Some characters will glorify these things while others challenge/question them.
I do NOT want to glorify these things, but I want to show how people are corrupted or stay on a bad path even with their “last chance”.
I’ll do my best to include timed/regular choices, games, and hopefully points.

Covers:
I’m still playing around with what I want to do, but I think these are the main ideas.
I don’t like using episode characters very much. Idk why!

Character Promos:

THANKS!!!

[Lex2]

Sooooo when will it be out Id definitely read it… sounds interesting and new!

[lamecast88]

Thanks and I’m not sure! I’ve been on a roll with the writing and layed out most of my episodes. What’s hindering me is the ending and adding in tappable overlays, choices, games, etc.
But I’m proud with what I have so far and I hope it’s worthy to publish

[Lex2]

From what you’ve explained so far it sounds worthy!! Can’t wait to read it once it’s ready!

[lamecast88]

Thank you

[lamecast88]

Sir Bumps-A-Lot

[Epi_Info]

I read some of it (I’m exhausted so I’ve saved the rest for later) but it’s beautiful! The directing is amazing, and so is the dialogue!

[lamecast88]

Thank you, I appreciate it! If you do finish it, please let me know of any mistakes! Thanks again

[Lily.v]

I love the directing, but the story itself doesn’t make very much sense. It’s very confusing.

[Random.Tomboy]

Sounds interesting! I’ll read it when I get home

[lamecast88]

Thanks! I’ll work on a way to explain things better.

[lamecast88]

Thanks