Can anyone read my story?


#1

Hi guys!!
So I’m new to writing on episode and I was wondering if some of y’all could read my story please.

It’s called Second Chance


Feedback needed on my story Second Chance
#2

I’ll read! What’s the author name?


#3

Naa Dei but I also put the link in for you


#4

Hello @NaaDei, this is Sydney the Moderator and we welcome you to the Episode Forums!

This topic has been moved to Share Feedback since you want reviews. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me and make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about where to correctly create topics. :wink:

Thanks for reading and have a good day :sunglasses:


#5

Hey, I read all three chapters of your story and took some notes.
(I would have posted this on your topic where you ask for reviews, but it’s closed.)

Chapter 1:
I liked the customization and that you could customize so many people!
Maybe you could add a background with the texts.
Your sounds are very good done (the one with the door for example)

Chapter 2:
Maybe you could make a flashback of the MC and her husband then just tell the story using narration.
The background story is very well done and interesting.
I like the plot of the episode

Chapter 3:
That the MC is pregnant now is an interesting idea.

General advice:
-Watch out that the layers are right (example: in chapter 3 when MC is at the hospital she sits on her bed and her hand is in front of the doctor; just put the doctor (and MC’s husband on a higher layer)
-When you add a choice which is an answer (example: When MC asks her daughter if she was excited to meet her grandma) you maybe could give the daughter a line of dialouge where she tells her answer.
-I saw some characters pop up randomly during a scene when they start talking; maybe you could just let them walk in or place them at the beginning of a scene
-sometimes when a character walked in they were walking backwards; you should make them turn around when they finished walking.
-I think that if you made the chapters a bit longer you would have more space for explaining realationships and starting storylines, drop hints, etc…

Overall good things:
-the dynamics in the story are realistic (for example: MC and daughter/MC and MC’s mother)
-Your story is very creative and I’ll definetly read more episodes when they come out! :smile:


#6

Thank you!!