Can anyone review my epsiode?

Can anyone review this episode? I haven’t finished it yet, I’ve only done about a quarter of it but I need to see how other people feel about it. Don’t go onto episode two as it is not started!

•Music Was Good
•Lived The Comedy
•There could have been some realism to the shooting

I read it. It was good so far, I’m interested in what’s actually happening but in my opinion, it needs to be more descriptive (but it’s only my opinion idk about others). The directing seems to be average. What genre is this story? And from what I can remember, transitions between scenes weren’t used but that definitely would make it better. (If you did, excuse me for my horrible memory and it’s up to you to actually take my opinion in consideration because I’m a horrible critique)

1 Like

Do you mean so they see a gun or…? I didn’t add that since I wanted the reader to be a questioning if it was a gun or something else alike.

1 Like

It’s a more of fantasy but is a romance, since you only read a quasar you wouldn’t have seen any romance yet tho. Also, what could I do better with directing?

No. Maybe a wound overlay and fade it when they start running

Ah, okay. I’ll get one straight away

1 Like

Also it’s not so descriptive since I wanted the reader to be like “why were they shot and where are they?”

With the directing, perhaps you could’ve placed the characters in different spots in the room they ended up in. (For example: @CHARACTER1 spot 0.900 100 100) but that would be up to you. Another thing you could do is zooming on the character in the first scene when she’s running (you can be zooming on her legs then her face or just her face just as long as you zoom on her face maybe) and while she’s running to a different spot you can do both the zoom and the the character movement like:

@CHARACTER1 walks to screen left AND CHARACTER1 is run_casual AND zoom on 100 100 to 400%

Though it may get a bit complicated once you get to zone 2 so it’s up to you

Okay, thanks!

Well maybe you could’ve made it more descriptive in the beginning. If you made it more descriptive on the feeling in her guts or something that could cause the reader to be wondering what’s gotten her so frighten or so worked up enough to just start furiously running. It may be a scene somewhat seen a few times in the episode community but if you can describe it in a way to grab the readers attention, I think it would be worth it. But again it’s only my opinion and I so far like the story and hope you keep up the good work. :smile:

You just gave me a brilliant idea I need to use! Thanks so much!

You’re welcome! And keep on doing what you love because I’m 100% sure it’s going to be a great story!:purple_heart:

1 Like

Can one of you guys review my story? It’s called Silent Killer, give it a shot!

It was pretty nice, some directing issues, but it can be fixed. What’s for the sudden stop?

Okay, so… I did not get totally through the first episode. I got… disinterested… I say put more depth in the characters chats or talks, it’s kinda shallow. Also make her think. Put brackets around the text.

Hi! Thank you for the honest review! I’m not sure what you mean by sudden stop… lol.
Episode one is kind of uninteresting. You have to get through because I guarantee you will love episodes 2 and 3. This is my first story so you’re going to have to bear with me here :smile:

This topic was automatically closed 30 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.