Can I get some feedback?

Can someone send some feedback on the first scene I have written please?

Its really good

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Is it rushed or is it a good pace

A few notes:
-The intro looks really cool!
-When you did the character customization, I thought that my love interest was going to be me so I put in my name for her. You should tell us that she’s our love interest and not the MC before we put in her name.
-You should show us the gender of the MC and love interest as people may give them a name used for another gender. You could have them walk in before you ask for their name.
-Is Nicola a default Episode character? I can’t remember. If she is, put a little time into her outfit and looks.
-I wouldn’t use a talking to camera animation when the love interest says “How could she talk about my dad like that?”. It breaks the fourth wall if you know what I mean.
-I can’t change MCs skin colour. (Unless that’s intentional. If it is, you should probably tell the reader so it won’t cause confusion.)
-I would make MC think to herself, then walk, because the thought bubble doesn’t move with her.
So far, you haven’t written enough for people to know what your story is about, but I think it shows a lot of potential! However, I would have to read more to know if I would actually enjoy it.


Thank you for the feedback, this has really helped me

no problem :blush:

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Yes this is intentional, I am writing a POC story

Could I use your help again?
Could I have some feedback on this story?

Sorry for the late reply! Here are my thoughts:
-Nice use of the text message style! However, is there a way to position MCs text bubble to the other direction?
-April’s walk in looks strange because she sort of appears behind MC and starts walking.
-Missing punctuation on “Let’s take a selfie”
-MC is in another position after taking the selfie.
-Nice spot directing in the party scene!
-Put an animation for MC and April while they wait for Issy.
-Issy is briefly behind one of the background characters. Put her at the top layer before she enters.
-When it cuts back to the party, it does the fade after all the characters are placed. Use AND commands to place each character, then do the fade in.

Nice directing!

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Thank you.

What do you mean?

Like you have both speech bubbles facing the same direction. In a real text message, the texts that you send should be another colour and be facing another direction than the person you’re texting.

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I don’t think so because it is already coded for you, you just type the messages but they should already different colours I think
An example from @apes

I don’t really know how to help you, I’ve never used that style before. But that’s strange

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