Can I have a bit of feedback

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The chapter is not finished but I would love your feedback on my story

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I’ll check it out and be back in a few :smile:

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Thank you Leslie

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No problem!

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Here she’s facing the other way when talking :smile:
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When Issy enters the background girl dancing overlaps her.
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I like how this was added ^^ I’m guessing she’s an important character but mysterious rn.

I didn’t catch any grammar errors or spelling but I’ll go back and check over myself again.

Also maybe add more lines to the scenes :slightly_smiling_face:
And @ me when you finish :smile: I would like to read it when it’s finished.

I’m sorry for the late reply, I just gotten my phone back :sweat_smile:

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Thank You for the feedback
I will correct them

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You’re welcome :slightly_smiling_face:

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Could you give me some feedback on this

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Yes ofc :grin:

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I had a discussion with a friend with this sentence :smile: I had stutter a few times with reading it. I’m not sure -pending on tense- it can be “What did you want to talk about?” If they’re in the present then you can keep it how you had it.
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Since they’re having an argument, you may want to add exclamation points.

With the point system is good- being me, I didn’t keep my cool, lol.

And I didn’t get far with after the CC on the MC because I’m pretty sure the episode ended at there.

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The episode is not over yet, I have only written the first few scenes

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Ah okay thank you :grin:

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No thank you

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You’re welcome :smile: if you need anymore help with reviewing you can message me on Instagram or here

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First story based off


Second
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Hahaha yes I thought of Little Mix for monster in me :joy: I didn’t know about They just don’t know you

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I’ve had so many story ideas just listening to their stories. On Wattpad, I had written a story called The Next Chapter based off of


I was writing Truth Be Told based off of

Nobody Like You based off of

Secret Love Song
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That’s creative. I love the idea. If I was doing that I’m mostly likely going to use Alec Benjamin for inspiration since he’s music tells good stories :joy: just tweak it a bit to make it unique.

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Scene 1:
Intro

  • Cute. The computer turning on was a nice effect. However, it could be interpreted as the overlay being delayed. You could use a “powering up” image rather than the black screen.

  • The music faded out quite quickly .

Choosing Name
  • The sound here loops and can be quite annoying depending on the volume you have it set to.
Text Message
  • The MC’s text message tail is on the wrong side. It’s top left instead of top right.
Scene 2: Outside the house

  • Is the MC shouting to the house or to the window? That should say which way she should face.

  • The MC walks across the bush.

  • MC
    Let’s take a selfie
    Add a full stop.

  • During and after the selfie, they swapped sides.

Scene 3: Party

readerMessage Credits to Kayla.V made it
Credit to Kayla.V, she/who made it.

  • Isobel originally walks in on the layer below the female dancing screen right.
Scene 4: Brenda

  • The scene doesn’t fade in.

  • Brenda appears after the scene.

Scene 5: Party
  • You pan to zone 1, fade in, and then the characters appear.
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