Can I have a bit of feedback

The chapter is not finished but I would love your feedback on my story

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I’ll check it out and be back in a few :smile:

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Thank you Leslie

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No problem!

Here she’s facing the other way when talking :smile:

When Issy enters the background girl dancing overlaps her.

I like how this was added ^^ I’m guessing she’s an important character but mysterious rn.

I didn’t catch any grammar errors or spelling but I’ll go back and check over myself again.

Also maybe add more lines to the scenes :slightly_smiling_face:
And @ me when you finish :smile: I would like to read it when it’s finished.

I’m sorry for the late reply, I just gotten my phone back :sweat_smile:


Thank You for the feedback
I will correct them

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You’re welcome :slightly_smiling_face:

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Could you give me some feedback on this

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Yes ofc :grin:

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I had a discussion with a friend with this sentence :smile: I had stutter a few times with reading it. I’m not sure -pending on tense- it can be “What did you want to talk about?” If they’re in the present then you can keep it how you had it.

Since they’re having an argument, you may want to add exclamation points.

With the point system is good- being me, I didn’t keep my cool, lol.

And I didn’t get far with after the CC on the MC because I’m pretty sure the episode ended at there.

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The episode is not over yet, I have only written the first few scenes

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Ah okay thank you :grin:

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No thank you

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You’re welcome :smile: if you need anymore help with reviewing you can message me on Instagram or here

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First story based off

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Hahaha yes I thought of Little Mix for monster in me :joy: I didn’t know about They just don’t know you

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I’ve had so many story ideas just listening to their stories. On Wattpad, I had written a story called The Next Chapter based off of

I was writing Truth Be Told based off of

Nobody Like You based off of

Secret Love Song
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That’s creative. I love the idea. If I was doing that I’m mostly likely going to use Alec Benjamin for inspiration since he’s music tells good stories :joy: just tweak it a bit to make it unique.

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Scene 1:
  • Cute. The computer turning on was a nice effect. However, it could be interpreted as the overlay being delayed. You could use a “powering up” image rather than the black screen.

  • The music faded out quite quickly .

Choosing Name
  • The sound here loops and can be quite annoying depending on the volume you have it set to.
Text Message
  • The MC’s text message tail is on the wrong side. It’s top left instead of top right.
Scene 2: Outside the house
  • Is the MC shouting to the house or to the window? That should say which way she should face.

  • The MC walks across the bush.

  • MC
    Let’s take a selfie
    Add a full stop.

  • During and after the selfie, they swapped sides.

Scene 3: Party

readerMessage Credits to Kayla.V made it
Credit to Kayla.V, she/who made it.

  • Isobel originally walks in on the layer below the female dancing screen right.
Scene 4: Brenda
  • The scene doesn’t fade in.

  • Brenda appears after the scene.

Scene 5: Party
  • You pan to zone 1, fade in, and then the characters appear.
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