Can somebody please help smooth out the scenes in my story?

I just finished writing my first chapter of my story and gone through it and all but there are a few scenes that could use smoothing out to perfect it,

would anyone be able to help me make the scenes run better?

The first scene is all over the place (like just messy-ish with the BG characters…)

First scene script:


@cut to zone 2

&BGGIRL1 spot 0.695 27 439 AND BGGIRL1 faces right AND BGGIRL1 is talk_hold_cupcake AND BGGIRL1 moves to layer -7 AND BGGIRL2 spot 0.632 101 469 AND BGGIRL2 faces left AND BGGIRL2 moves to layer -7 AND BGGIRL2 is read_phone_shocked AND BGGIRL3 spot 0.794 276 325 AND BGGIRL3 faces left AND BGGIRL3 moves to layer -3 AND BGGIRL3 is think AND BGBOY1 spot 1.028 16 144 AND BGBOY1 moves to layer -1 AND BGBOY1 faces right AND BGBOY1 is walk_neutral AND BGBOY2 spot 0.830 169 315 AND BGBOY2 faces right AND BGBOY2 moves to layer -3 AND BGBOY2 is talk_awkward AND YVONNE spot 1.469 267 -196 AND YVONNE faces left AND YVONNE moves to layer 2 AND YVONNE is read_phone_shocked AND ANNABELLO spot 1.442 46 -180 AND ANNABELLO moves to layer 2 AND ANNABELLO faces right AND ANNABELLO is talk_arms_crossed_loop

@transition curtain in_left black

@pause for a beat

One video announcement,

@ANNABELLO is eyeroll_subtle AND YVONNE is talk_read_phone_neutral_loop AND BGGIRL3 is read_phone_shocked AND BGBOY2 is talk_give_ringbox AND BGGIRL1 is talk_airquotes AND BGGIRL2 is slap_face_receive AND BGBOY1 walks to spot 1.028 118 105

@BGGIRL3 is talk_pound_chest AND BGBOY1 is talk_read_phone_neutral_loop AND BGBOY2 is stand_up

@BGGIRL3 exits left AND BGGIRL3 is run_cry AND BGBOY1 is eyeroll AND BGBOY2 is idle_sad AND ANNABELLO is slap_face AND YVONNE is slap_face_receive

@BGBOY1 exits right AND BGGIRL2 exits left AND BGGIRL2 is walk_exhausted AND BGGIRL1 is talk_repulsed AND YVONNE is talk_pound_chest AND ANNABELLO is arms_crossed_angry AND BGBOY2 exits right AND BGBOY2 is walk_sad

@BGGIRL1 is talk_shrug AND ANNABELLO is talk_angry_stubborn AND YVONNE is talk_angry_defensive

@BGGIRL1 exits right AND BGGIRL1 is walk_neutral_offset_hold_cupcake AND ANNABELLO is talk_repulsed AND YVONNE is scream

sound scream_female2

@transition iris out black

The second scene is just messy because of the overlays showing up behind the character despite being scripted infront

Second scene script:

@MAIN is deepbreath AND MAIN faces right

All of it, every bit that got scraped up into my pocket went towards keeping my granny on life support.

@pan to zone 1

@MARCUS enters from left to screen center AND MARCUS faces right AND MARCUS moves to layer -3

@overlay FLOWERS create

@overlay FLOWERS moves to layer 2

@overlay FLOWERS opacity 1

@overlay FLOWERS shifts to 134 160

@overlay FLOWERS scales to 1.072 1.072

    MARCUS (talk_hold_gift)
I brought you your favourites Deidre, remember them?
Story Link:


In the first scene, the only issue I see is BGBOY1 he starts out walking on the spot.
In the second scene, I suggest you make the flower overlay opacity 0 while the character does the animation.

Hope that helps

Wait why opacity 0?

I’m trying to make it look like the overlay is in his hands but it’s showing up behind him for some reason,

Because the flowers just float behind the character when he talks.

Then just put the flower overlay to 1 and the character at 0, or whatever you prefer, but put the layer higher so it’s in front of the character

I tried that… The character is at -3 and the flower overlay is at 2. :confused:

Put the flowers at layer -2

Okay, I’ll give that a try.

1 Like

Didn’t work. :T

Hmm not sure then, maybe go to Directing Help and Tips and ask someone there.