Can someone please beta review my story

tysmm also just btw my story is not out yet
here is da link
da link

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Your story is great overall! There are some minor directing errors. But don’t give up! I love it! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Only read a small part
(Kind of lost my interest) but in my opinion I would make the parents look a little bit older or the kids maybe alittle bit smaller. But I did like it. I wish you the best of luck, and keep up the good work.

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oh tysm if u like maybe you could pm me and tell me some of the parts that were disinteresting

and tysmm i will not give up thx for ur feedback

I’m sure my love would love to review your story

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I will read it later today…

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Just got back from reading your story again. And this time I’m back with a tip:
In the scene where a cop/old man showed up in the kitchen out of thin air (Ep.1), try to make him enter instead!

 @CHARACTER enters from right to screen left AND CHARACTER does it while run_athletic

thxx also did the part where i let you choose unknown’s name work good

idk it was my first time doing something like that

I’m not reading your story right now BUT I’ll come back and review it for you! I already have so much on my plate right now!

oh ok thx

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bump bump it’s been updated againn