Can someone please give me feedback on my story? (CLOSED)

Hey, everyone. :smile:
I hope you’re all doing well, staying safe, and staying healthy. :blob_hearts:
I’m currently working on my story titled Sincerely, Maylene. It has 5 episodes completed, and it is not yet published. Honestly, I’m very insecure about the first episode, since there are no choices (other than customization and choosing the love interest’s gender,) and it is all narration while showing scenes. :grimacing:
The first episode is supposed to be an introduction, so I’m explaining things. I’m aware that I should show more, rather than tell everything. I’m having a hard time adding dialogue or more “interesting” or “engaging” scenes. :sweat: Explaining things by showing them while having a narrator talk while also letting the scene speak for itself, is the best I have come up with. However, I am still worried that it is not a good episode. :pensive: It is the first episode after all, and first impressions matter with stories.

If anyone has time to or would like to read my story (especially the first episode) to tell me what they think, here’s the link:

Dear World,
I will end this cruel system and terrible war, bringing a new era of peace and democracy to my Kingdom.
(CC & LGBTQ+ option)

I just want to hear someone’s honest thoughts and to have someone tell me whether or not my first episode is engaging enough, boring, if it doesn’t show enough, or if it has too much narration. And if someone could read the other episodes, too (episodes 2 through 5), I would appreciate it so much! Your feedback doesn’t have to be long or anything. As long as it’s honest (but not hateful), I appreciate it a lot. :pleading_face: :heart: Other’s thoughts help me a lot. :slight_smile:

Thank you in advance!

EDIT: I am closing this thread, since I started making changes, so now the episodes are incomplete. Thank you everyone who offered to help!


I’d love to read it! I’ll get started on it now :banana::sparkles:

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Thank you very much!
If you could PM me your thoughts, I’d appreciate it so much! :heart:

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Of course! :banana::sparkles:

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I’ll review it too

Thank you very much!
I went to make changes, so episode 2 and 3 are now incomplete. Sorry about that!
So you only need to read the first episode.

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okay, that’s fine with me.

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