I just published it yesterday and I added zooms and some advanced directing 
Title: TATYA: Professor Fever
Author: Giselle C.
Genre: Drama
Style: INK
Story Description: Tatyas life has been a series of unfortunate events. The only thing keeping her going is her love for law. Will the new hot prof keep her from achieving her goal?
Instagram: @gisellepisode
Small Cover:
Hello Giselle,
keep in mind I’m not a professional reviewer and I don’t do this often,
I decided to have a read i your story.
It’s extremely hard to judge a first episode baed on the fact you said there was no chance to figure out the whole of Tatya’s past, as well as Damon’s.
Overall, I think the ending was intriguing but this episode did not define the character well, and she isn’t very well rounded. It’s very easy to misunderstand her personality and I don’t know if this was the motive, but Damon is not likable at all. Other than that, i think your zooms were quite good but there was a lot of narration involved and everything moved very quickly.
However, it’s hard for someone to judge based on one episode.
I understand you have put three episodes but I’m currently out of passes which is why I’m spending my time reading first episodes.
Anyways, this wasn’t a rounded review either, so maybe not take this so seriously.
Cinnamon Toast
Note: Somebody has enjoyed this story, as said for your fanmail.
Thank you so much!! Tatya is supposed to be hard to understand so I’m glad 
and yes Damon at first is supposed to be unlikeable but you’ll warm up to him 
Hi! In the first scene, it would look much better if you had some background characters and stuff going on, this is a much more realistic scenario. It’s nice that you used an overlay over the male character! I think you should focus on more dialogue instead of narration boxes, through dialogue the reader can get a much better sense of how the characters behave in certain situation which makes the characters more well developed. It’s nice that you use music in your story, but it becomes a bit jumpy when you change the music for every single scene, especially if it’s just short scenes.
Your plot is interesting, with him being her teacher and everything. Although, I think there wasn’t enough time to build up the chemistry between them. Tatya says that he is “her dream” and the one she wants, if this is the case it would’ve been good to show the passion between them from the night before. Lol, I loved when the teacher got mad at them and screamed “keep it down”, we all love our strict teachers 
One way to improve your conversation scenes is to place the speechbubbles better, so you see which one of the characters is actually talking. I liked how you put a filter on the flashback scenes!
The first episode was a bit short. Since the point of this episode was to show their relationship etc., I think you need to bring out more passion. More emotion between the characters. If Tatya is sad because the teacher she previously loved was in a relationship, we want to relate with her. Right now I just saw the teacher as a wife-slapping psycho, and I couldn’t figure out why Tatya loved him - honestly I was just happy she and him broke up. It’s important that the character can relate with Tatya at sme point, so that the readers can love her and be with her through everything she is going through. Try to show the reader why she is sad when she is being sad and why she is happy when she is being happy. Does this make sense haha? 
In conclusion, I think that you should add more dialogue. I’m unfortunatley also lacking some diversity in your story, I feel like none of the important characters were POC. Also, try to work more with character development. I’ve only read on episode so maybe you’ll get to know the characters better at the following episodes but right now I don’t feel a certain connection to any of the characters tbh.
Your plot has potential, and this is definetly not a bad story (you used a moderate ammount of spot directing and zooms, which is good!) - there are just a few things to keep in mind when writing. Good luck with writing, I hope this will help you to improve your story! 
Thank you so much!!
I realized that I didn’t make it clear that she would forget most of her encounter with Damon due to her drinking, even thought I stated she drank a ton 3 times. I added the fact that she couldn’t remember most of their encounter to make it clearer to why their encounter was vague.
That is a valid point. Can’t say I have much expertise on being drunk but I think that in the moment you will remember things very well, it’s only afterwards that you will have a hard time remembering. Maybe you could write from her perspective in the beginning in stead of a narrative perspective? Maybe show the reader what she is experiencing and feeling when being with the teacher, and then you can tell the readers the day after that she doesn’t remember much? Just spawning some ideas, feel free to do whatever floats your boat
Thank you so much!! 
I was thinking maybe events that occurred that night would be brought up as flashbacks/ or conversation to spice things up? then the narration would be turned into genuine spoken words and it would give some sort of interesting effect? Idk haha
Oh, that sounds really interesting! Maybe she can have these flashbacks as she is gradually remembering. Maybe at the end of the day she would have figured everything out, and as she now has the whole picture she realizes that she really likes him?
Yes!!! That sounds so awesome!!! I’m just kind of down because I’ve published another story and it’s got 60K reads while this one has 30 and it’s making me unmotivated af 
You shouldn’t feel that way! As long as you are proud of your story you should be happy with yourself, the amount of reads should just be a fun bonus and in this case I’m sure the reads will come with time - your story is still rather new Honestly, the amount of reads doesn’t define if your story is good or not. I know that it’s hard when you keep comparing yourself, but just try to remember that your story is awesome and that you are doing everyone reading your story a favour with sharing this story, not the other way around!
Thank you so much you actually made my day so much better 
I’m glad to hear! Good luck with your story, stay awesome 
