Can Someone Please Review My Story To See If It Has Any Plot Holes Or Code Issues?

Can someone please review my story to See if it has any plot holes or code issues?

If you here is the link:

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Sure! :blob_hearts:

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Thank you.

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Heya, your story was amazing and interesting! :heavy_heart_exclamation:
The only things I’d say is add full stops at end of sentences/narrations, and your story was kind of fast paced.

Other than that, it was really good to read !! ((:

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Thank you for the feedback and do you have any advice as to how I could make it more slow paced? Also what do you mean by full stops?

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I can review it and give you in depth feedback and honest for you

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Thank you and I would love that.

Punctuation at the end.
And add more dialogue and action into scenes :kissing_heart:

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That makes a lot more sense now thank you.

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okay gonna read 3 episodes

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Sounds good

I just got through the first chapter but it was pretty good so far, I like the background characters and the directing was pretty good. Good luck in the contest!

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Thank you so much I really appreciate that.

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EPISODE 1
As soon as I pressed read the intro caught me by surprise, I love it!
As I’m reading I do see some off punctuation, my advice on that is to go back add some periods, explanation points, and question marks.
Saw some misspelling, maybe go back and check up on that.
Try to move around speech bubbles so the dialogue won’t look so glitchy with the character.
Maybe not use a transition with every stopping point? I mean yeah when the scenes switches, but let’s not use the transitions in one scene, has me wondering why so many irises.
Use zooms so your characters won’t be so far away.
When lucia fell into the hole the thunder gave me a jumpscare LMAO.
(going to read the second chapter)

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Which scene specifically would you say has too many irises?

Shopping scene. April could’ve walked out right came back and said “look at the outfit” with the outfit she had on.

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Oh okay I see what you mean.

EPISODE 2
love the opening menu.
Off-topic but the name random mugger is killing me LOL.
Speech bubbles still need some fixing.
Lucia fell into a hole and became a superhero? I am confused.
How did she? Okay, she fell in a hole but? Maybe add some more reasons why.
Still needs some punctuation.
After what I said you showed what happened in the hole :confused: sorry
(going to read chapter 3)

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It’s ok I did that so people would be like “What is going on?!” You know. And thank you for paying attention to the name of the mugger I knew it would make someone laugh.