Can someone review my new story? <3

this is the link, I’d be very greatful is someone was to review and read it and give me some honest feedback? thank you <3

2 Likes

What is it about? @amy_wild

2 Likes

It’s about a police investigator who gets caught by a gang leader whilst being undercover trying to bring him in, to which she then has no other choice but to join his gang and to adjust to her new life being a traitor to her police job and herself

2 Likes

Ooh! I will read it when I have more time tonight!

2 Likes

I can review your story also.

3 Likes

Of course I’ll read your story! You’re reading mine :slight_smile: Chapter six of mines out. Im working on chapter 7 right now!!

1 Like

Here’s your review. It is very detailed!

Errors

Chapter Two

  • In your transition at the beginning of the car scene, The transition fades in, then out, then in again. You should change it so that the transition fades in one time. I think if you preview it on the app you will understand what i mean. The car also looks to small. You should make sure that the car wheels aren’t able to be seen.

  • I think you should use a looping background while they are in the car because it doesn’t look like he is driving.

  • This chapter is very short.

Chapter 3

  • In this scene Calvin doesn’t have thinking animations and the dialogue text box is like a narrators text box. A way to change this is by changing the dialogue box to a thought bubble to look like he is thinking. Nadia is also frozen in the same animation.

  • This chapter is really short too.
Thoughts
  • Very clean directing and all the characters enter and leave correctly.

  • You should let characters have animations while the other character is talking and i think you should use a a wider variety of scared animations when Nadia gets shocked.

  • I think there were some spelling mistakes so I think you should check over your script again or get someone to see if there are spelling mistakes.

  • The first chapter is very short so i think you should add more scenes.

  • Episode two and three are also very short so it would be better to add more scenes .

@amy_wild

1 Like

i love it!!!

thank you so much for the feedback. i really appreciate it and I’m going to work on those things :slight_smile:

1 Like