Hey guys! I was wondering if anyone would like to review my story? Also, If you end up enjoying it, can you share it with friends or shout it out to help it grow? Thank you!
Title: Blades of Desire
Author: Giselle C.
Genre: Drama
Style: LL
Small cover:
Large cover:
Description:
Your life was perfect: hot BF, rich, and gorgeous. Will Graham help you win back the life that you had lost, or will you get caught up in Romans’ heat? (Choices matter)
IG; gisellepisode
I’m always open to feedback, suggestions, and more!
I have read your story days ago
It was interesting reading. The direction wan 100:ok_hand:
There is divirsity in it (races, sexuality, personality)
And the story flow is good!
Keep it up
The Good!
No noticeable grammar or spelling errors! That’s huge to me.
The directing was spotless and well done!
I like the opening and the character customization scene!
The backgrounds are nice and a pleasing change from the generic backgrounds from the episode portal.
Wow! That car wreck scene was innovative! Well done! The "Bad" sigh The gang leader love interest obsession is unhealthy. Seriously. Why are people so entralled with the idea? I’m guessing it’s that they don’t know any actual criminals but the idea of it is taboo and sexy? Eh …
Also, the rich boy love interest is getting a wee bit old too.
Whoa! That stepmom is uh … A little too extreme. Unrealistically cruel for her to essentially taunt a teen with the news of her parent’s death.
Okay … why is she clubbing right after hearing of her father’s death? A bit … insensitive and terribly unrealistic.
The BF situation of him just bolting seems a little odd and fishy. No indication of unhappiness in the prior scenes.
Why is she ironing shirts if she is the heiress of a wealthy man who just passed his company into her hands? How to improve!
So … tame that stepmom down a bit.
Add in some indications that Zeke is unhappy or unsure about his life in the scenes they have. It kind of just comes out of the blue almost like he was only created just to make her life suck more at the end of the episode.
That clubbing scene make me cringe under the circumstances. Show some time passing as she mourns for at least a few days first!
Thank you so much!! Trust me, it’s not the basic gang-leader/rich boy story, things will be different . As with the step-mom, she’s got a psychological condition which will be explained later . Since she wasn’t of age when he passed away, the company was passed onto her mom (she sold the company to someone else for money). She was forced to go clubbing or her friends would have her head on a stick . Also, her BF left suddenly because of something medically that happened to him (will be explained in later episodes). Thank you so much!
Fair enough
The clubbing still bothers me though. It really rubs me the wrong way. I think most people who have lost a loved one under traumatic circumstances will agree.
Will start reading
. Since she wasn’t of age when he passed away, the company was passed onto her mom (she sold the company to someone else for money). She was forced to go clubbing or her friends would have her head on a stick 