Can someone rewiew my first chapter

so I have started a new story and really want opinions on the first chapter

note it is not done
I have not look at grammar
I have not done speechbubbels
And i have not added music
(there will also be added cc and choice between girl or male love interest)
and I have not added all animations. and check if it is correct on my phone cause i know sometimes the layer is not the same

also note
that the story wont be published anytime soon. cause i already have one published i will have finish first. and only reason it will be published before is if there comes a competision there fit it

I kinda dont wanna leave link so all can read it. so please pm me or just comment

1 Like


I can help you




if you still need help you can visit my thread if you want Olu's review thread (OPEN)

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