Can someone take a look at the first episode of my new story? (unpublished)

Hey! I’m currently writing a new story and I’d like your opinions on the first episode!

Here’s the link! It is unpublished yet :slight_smile:

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Also, this is my first time writing in this genre.

I’m having a look at it right now!

What kind of things would you like me to look for?

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Thank you so much! I know how to use overlays/zooms/cuts, so I’m okay with directing (I still have to edit it to include all that in haha), I’d like your opinion on the storyline for the first episode, if it attracts you to read more/ if you think the length was good :slight_smile: Thank you so much!! :heart_eyes:

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Well, I just finished!

My feedback

The whole episode to me seemed a bit… fast-paced. To me, it felt like more time was spent on Tatya and her old professor than her and the new one. In the beginning, she says they are attracted right away and then went to drinking, but I feel it would be better to show them being attracted to each other rather than just say they did. Maybe show them talking at the bar. The line “You didn’t mention you were a student” not exact line but I know it was something like that seems out of place because we didn’t even know what they were talking about.

I suggest remembering “Show it, don’t say it” when writing. Try to avoid just saying they liked each other, show it. Avoid saying that they just talked at the bar. Actually include the conversation. Show Tatya’s connect with Emily and how they’re best friends.

Another thing, I don’t think it seems best to talk about the professor from her freshman year just yet. Tatya can say “This isn’t the first time this has happened…” but not actually have a whole flashback, just not yet. I have a feeling he’ll show up when she and the new professor get serious. If I can predict that and is right about it, then other readers can too and might be uninterested.

Just my thoughts! :blush: It also seemed a bit short in my taste, but that’s fine! Overall, it wasn’t bad. I personally wouldn’t keep reading, but that’s just because I’m not really into teacher/student romance stories and drama.


Thank you so much!! :heart:

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