Can’t Figure Out a Good Story Description

I have a few ideas, but this is the best one in my opinion. Maybe you can help by re-wording it or telling me how to make it more intriguing? Thank you in advance. <3

“A loner meets a shy boy, and soon enough a love begins to blossom. With her battling chronic illness and his life falling apart, will their relationship last?”

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Maybe something like this could work?

Battling an illness, a loner meets an introvert whose life is falling apart. Love blossoms between them until their issues start catching up. Will they last or was it all for nothing?

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thank you so much! <3 <3

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