Can writers write about any experience they haven't experienced themselves?

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Hi everyone! Just a little note before I go any further, I don’t want this thread to be about arguing or shaming people for their opinions. If you disagree with someone, educate and listen to their side before jumping to conclusions and arguing.

A little bit about me since I think it can be relevant. I am a POC and have not experienced nearly as much racism as I know a lot of people have (but this is not saying that people who have experienced less racism should be pushed to the side or have their experiences diminished. I just put that out there, so people know I haven’t had many experiences with racism.).

Now, I guess this topic is a bit broader because it is not only about if non POC should be able to write about racism POC have experienced, but it’s also just in general. I have seen a lot of people have strong opinions on non POC or people who haven’t experienced racism to talk about it and express the feelings a POC feels, so I wonder if I am allowed to write about something I haven’t experienced myself.

In my story, the MC only experiences things I have experienced, so that I know I can portray her feelings correctly, but how about side characters? Can I write about them (but not their feelings) experiencing things that I have not. For example, a really close person’s death, even a difficult breakup, racism, etc. (I’m not necessarily including these in my story, but maybe for other people also wondering)?

I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m trying to make up ways to restrict writers if that makes sense; I really don’t want to do that. I just don’t want to write about something and sound rude or offensive to people.

Of course people experience things differently, so I know, while someone would be fine with something someone else would not, but I’m curious what people think about this topic.

Please express any opinions here, and if you disagree, don’t fight, just educate or learn.

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I think that writers who attempt to write something they haven’t experienced will always fail to do so. They do not understand the depth of emotions, the difficulty of that situation, appropriate reactions, etc. The only way it would be possible would be to consult those who have experienced that situation… but at that point, the consulted person is basically doing the writing and should be properly credited.

So, on their own: no. No amount of personal research will suffice.

In regards to writing about racism, white people should do some serious self reflecting before picking up a pen. They need to avoid tropes, stereotypes, white saviorism, 2D BIPOC, and so many other things commonly done by white writers. Plus, white people can’t experience r*cism (if you want to debate this DM me and I’ll school you), so they can’t understand any of that trauma… like, ever. Only BIPOC people understand. And at this point, in my mind, it seems wildly inappropriate for white people to write (in-depth and personally) about racism until real changes are made in power-structure and reparations are provided.

Just my two pennies.

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That’s a contentious topic. My personal opinion is that yes, you can write about those issues. They will be superfluous, but the gist it is still possible to get to the paper.

Why do I think so? Well, a writer can describe heinous murders. A writer can describe Fantastical worlds. A writer can, and often will, write about experiences they cannot share entirely.

If you wish to dip your toes into the pool of social issues, and you’ve not experienced themselves, then I do think it’s fair to discuss that with someone willing to open up about it and… Well, get their help with the finer details, so to speak.

That is my opinion atleast. I know there are dissenting opinions around, please don’t hurt me >~<

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Totally agree with the fact that people who haven’t experienced something can’t understand the feelings the full extent.

Personally, I think that people who haven’t experienced should not write about it (unless they have consulted with someone else who has and gotten their input) at least from their point of view (for example, like a white person writes about a black MC and their feelings) as you said as well.

What do you think about, for example, a white MC observing racism or something they haven’t experienced (meaning you wouldn’t write about the feelings the other person experienced)?

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Yeah, I had those exact thoughts.

Like what’s the limit? A author can write about murder mysteries, fantasy worlds, etc. (in the situation they probably haven’t experienced those things), but what’s the limit for what they can write about? It’s very thought provoking, but I don’t think there is just one answer.

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I won’t comment on the POC racism since I don’t know how hard that would be to represent correctly but for the death of a close person and a difficult break up, you can always talk to someone who has experienced those.

Personally, I have experienced the death of a close person. Difficult breakups depend on which way you mean. You could mean that it ended badly (i.e = Someone cheated, someone died, someone became abusive, etc…) or you could mean that it was hard to emotionally overcome the breakup (i.e = Someone suffers with self doubts after the breakup, someone struggles to live without the other, someone may have no one to turn to if this relationship was all they had, someone may fall ill after the breakup due to mental suffering etc…)

My overall opinion is that you CAN write about topics you haven’t experienced AS LONG AS you speak to people who have experienced them or closely know people who have. DO NOT write about something you have no idea about. You will set your story for failure before it even gets a chance if you just guess how people would react/feel etc…So unless you have someone TRUSTWORTHY to ask about those topics (who have ACTUALLY experienced the topic), then don’t write them since you will probably represent thoughts/reactions/feelings wrong (:

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Observing it would still seem iffy to me, simply because there’s very few ways to properly react without putting the white character’s feelings above the BIPOC’s as well as entering into a white savior trope. It’s a really touchy subject and I truly feel like it should be left to those who experience to finally tell their side. You know?

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Yeah, now that you say that I definitely agree with the situation you present. It sometimes depends on the circumstance, but for my story, I’m not including it because, I admit, I don’t think I could represent it well.

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Definitely a good way to go by. There are so many things people have not experienced, so if you can’t write about those things, you’re story could become extremely empty.

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Absolutely. I am of the view that not everything needs to be a carboncopy explanation of something. Putting an issue up is, in my view, admirable whether it’s completely believable or not.

I personally avoid those topics as much as possible, because of how politicized they are. Even though I belong to a minority that’s heavily ostracized in my country, the Sami people, I’d rather not go down that route at all. POC characters in my stories are always just a normal person. No focus on their issues. I’ve gotten flak for that too, that I simply introduce “token” characters even if they are based on IRL friends, but generally speaking that is my view on everyone else. Normal people with their own set issues that I want to help with.

Any case, I guess my final words on the matter is tread warily. Whatever that happens, you will get flak.

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Personally, I would say yes, you can write about this topic. Although it may not be represented 100% as it is since you haven’t experienced it and I hope you won’t ever! But as @Kyo and @M_H_C_Episode stated, it would would be equitable if you discuss it with someone who went through this issue and is disposed to open up about it. Readers won’t be pleased if they saw reactions or feelings being misrepresented especially in a controversial topic like racism.
Well, that’s my input on this!

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Of course I’d like it to be represented and talked about (because ignoring racism is part of racism itself I believe), but I try to avoid writing about racism in particular because it’s a hard topic to talk about and can be offensive if not done perfectly like you.

I have a POC in my story, but I don’t have her experiencing racism. I guess that’s better than representing it wrong.

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Here’s a basic guide (This is a basic guide because these are MY experiences so others may experience differently) for the example topic u gave (Death of a close person):

For the death of a close person, you may get the feelings of =

  • Loneliness
  • Your now missing a piece of yourself/your life
  • Sadness
  • Anger that ‘fate’ took their life (You may even feel anger towards them for making you live without them)
  • And more…

You may experience =

  • Returning memories of them (happy & sad times)
  • Self Blame (If you blame yourself for their death even when your not to blame)
  • The ‘What ifs’ (Where you question things that could of happened differently to change the overall outcome)
  • The feeling of missing them
    Some may even decide to think of them in hard situations. Meaning, that whenever they’re in a hard situation…they would think about what that person may have done if they were in that position.

Obviously with the above, you may experience all the points and more. Others may experience just a few of those points. Some may experience something completely different. The above points are versions of what I experienced mixed with what people around me felt when our close one died.

I have experienced 2 breakups (your other example) and I may return to give a base guide on my experience with those as well but for now, I hope this helps (:

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This is honestly so helpful. Thank you so much and I’m sure this will help so many people.

I hope you all the best! Thanks again! :heart:

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Thank you for making this thread, this question has been in my mind for weeks now. For example, is it okay to put a person who suffers from anxiety even though you don’t have it (after making research)?

I still feel like I have so many more things to experience because I’m still young, idk how to explain my point. I also think that if I do that, people will hate on me and I don’t want that.

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Your welcome (:

& I’ll return with the breakup base guide in a few minutes since they may help someone in some way or another (:

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Depends :woman_shrugging:t3:

Ik ppl writing romance when they’ve never experienced it. Ik ppl writing abt being at college when they’ve never experienced it. These topics for example u can do as much research as possible & get inspiration off others works to try make it realistic.

And yes, u can describe racism taking place. however, u cannot try describe the emotional feelings of somebody experiencing any type of discrimination if u haven’t felt it urself, it just wouldn’t b realistic. as a white person, u might’ve seen someone subjected to racism at some point in ur life, I guess writing it from the observing POV is ok, however imo, adding it would still seem unnecessary.

and basically as a white person u r fortune & privileged enough to never experience discrimination due to race, so just accept that due to that u could never accurately present it, ok? I have to b honest, I would b offended seeing someone writing abt an Ed if they haven’t experienced it, they would honestly never understand the suffering. So yes, sum things r so emotionally challenging, to b able to write abt them & present them in a non triggering & offensive way, u must have experienced it. Just accept that.

u can start saying ‘fReeDom Of SpeEch’ and that fine, u have freedom to write abt it, but note that writing abt something u need to have experienced to accurately present having never experienced will mean the final outcome is offensive & inaccurate, :cupid:

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Happy that this helps! I totally understand how it’s hard to figure out what you can write about if you’re still young and haven’t experienced many things (and it can be very pressuring if you’re worried about what people may think).

Overall, I would say, always make sure to research and talk to people who have experienced that. Ask for people’s opinions when you are unsure what you can talk or not talk about!

Don’t feel scared to ask because it’s always better to learn now than later. Feel free to come back here later to ask something!

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thank you!!

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Well, u can definitely show it, but imo going deep into the mind of someone w anxiety in ur writing, having never experienced it is not a very good idea bc there r lots of tropes n stuff surrounding anxiety & it’s extremely difficult to write even for ppl who have experienced it.

However, I don’t think just showing it & describing a little is an issue. Just b wary not to go too deep into their mind. :white_heart:

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