This idea was based off storiesbybabi so i recommend reading their story first then mine lol
But tell me your honest opinions on this story and tell the downsides and things i should improve on, aswell as things i should keep up :))
story link : Episode Writer Portal
The episode hasnt been finished yet so the episode may end at a random time, sorry
i just realised the coding for the speechbubbles at a specific scene arent right… GOODBYE
bump
Checking it out now
ty!
I think you’d benefit from getting a proofreader. I noticed a lot of grammatical errors throughout the Episode.
Contractions not having apostrophes:
“Cant” —> “Can’t”
“were” —> “we’re”
“Youre” —> “You’re”
“Im” —> “I’m”
“Its” —> “It’s” (in certain cases its is possesive and it’s is the contraction of it is)
“id” —> “I’d”
Incorrect ending punctuation marks:
“Why does my family literally only interrupt me in good times.” —> “Why does my family literally only interrupt me in good times?”
“Why is she so obsessed with this movie.” —> “Why is she so obsessed with this movie?”
Abbreviations outside of texting:
“OMG!” —> “Oh my God!”
I also noticed uncapitalized words at the start of several sentences, plus I’s in the middle of them. I is always capitalized. Also there were some sentences that had an unnecessary space between the ending word and the ending punctuation. There was also a comma that was unnecessarily spaced in the middle of a sentence. That and no spacing between an ending punctuation mark and the starting word of another sentence. Also random capitalization in the middle of a sentence like the word “customize”. Customize isn’t a proper noun so it shouldn’t be capitalized unless it’s the starting word of a sentence.
Also there are some awkwardly worded sentences:
“Parts of this story will go into the past. (like, 1900s) resulting that it contains different beliefs of people from that time. there will also be scenes which may be triggering to people.like mature language/bullying . I will give a disclaimer before a scene starts…” —> “This story partially takes place in the 1900s, as such it may reflect outdated or now unacceptable beliefs. Potentially triggering scenes may contain mature language or depictions of bullying, a disclaimer will always pop up beforehand.”
“Why does my family literally only interrupt me in good times.” —> “Why does my family only interrupt me when I’m enjoying myself / having fun?”
Story-wise I couldn’t really tell what the plot was. It obviously has some sort of focus on bullying but other than that I didn’t really understand what was going on. I think the main character became friends with the other girl way too quickly. I don’t think the first scenes (of her room and with mom/dad/brother) added much at all. Character-wise I found everything too vulgar and dramatic. I don’t feel bad for the main character being bullied based off of her own actions and attitude, maybe show off a softer side to her so the reader can relate more?
Also, I think creating a main menu at the start of the Episode with a glossary would be helpful because ethe reader messages disappeared too quickly to read and as an American the majority of terminology flew straight past me. Maybe add the terms and conditions loop into its own section, that way the story doesn’t start with “Hi, I’m the author…”?
For example, if the menu looks like this:
Start Episode.
Content Warning.
Glossary.
If they click “Start Episode” it tells them to click “Content Warning” and at the end of the warnings have “Yes” +1 or gain read terms and conditions or “No”. If they have >0 read terms and conditions points or gained read terms and conditions they can access the story.
Or do the simple way of just asking them to read them and trusting that they have… lol
tbh i didnt really expect the ’ as an error and i thought readers wouldnt mind.
I added the scene with her family to try and introduce the characters, because i couldnt rlly think of any other way to start a scene of an episode by itself and where i could introduce the characters in the same episode.
But thank you for helping me ill deffo update my story in a few hours!
Well in some cases taking out the apostrophes literally makes it another word. Like “we’re/were”, “it’s/its” & “id/I’d”. Adding a scene to introduce family is fine but try to do it in a way that grips the reader. Especially since it’s the first chapter. Like, how her brother would react to the picture being spread around the school (that is, if they both attend).
thats a good idea! ty :)) tbh i get what u mean so i might just change the whole intro bc ive been thinking ab doing that anyway 
I’ll only read today and I’ll send my opinion when I wake up
No problem!
Hi girl
I just finished reading your story I would say @RandomUnicorn said
And also I think your characters are too big maybe you can reduce there height
And oh I really enjoyed your story Ngl
Good luck girl 
your story deserves recognition
And also incase you don’t need proofreader you can use Quilt bot because that’s what I use now https://quillbot.com/chrome-extension?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=FA+-+SMA+|+PERF+-+PMax+|+Product+-+Paraphrase+|+DEVP+|+CPA&utm_term=&utm_content=&campaign_type=performance_max-17107981591&click_id=CjwKCAjw5_GmBhBIEiwA5QSMxC13Vq0VqkP-jF9bZ_XlHzdJzyRmGic8g69_YpT1XTD5LiI5_BQ3hxoCXAIQAvD_BwE&campaign_id=17107981591&adgroup_id=&ad_id=&keyword=&placement=&target=&network=x&gclid=CjwKCAjw5_GmBhBIEiwA5QSMxC13Vq0VqkP-jF9bZ_XlHzdJzyRmGic8g69_YpT1XTD5LiI5_BQ3hxoCXAIQAvD_BwE
Ty!!
The font on the title has changed and there was no menu when I started yesterday, and now there is so really love that. But, I can’t click on the customization and glossary button because they won’t click. 
And I think you deleted the chapter, yeah lol.
yeaa i did lol ! i thought the chapter wouldnt change and i hoped youd remember how the chapter was before just incase
Hi Anna! 
From skimming the thread I can see that you could use some proofreading help for your story. I have a thread open where you can request proofreading from me, for free of course. If you’re interested, you can head over there and take a look 
tysm! when i get to re do my chapter ill definetely go to you :))
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