Can you read my plot of my story and tell me what you think?

This is the old plot for my story. Scroll down to read the more recent one.

This is my plot for my story. For clue. This story is about this girl named Emily(currently 7) wakes up and goes downstairs to find a note from her dad saying that he has decided to leave the family. When Emily goes up to tell her mom about her dad leaving the family her parent’s bedroom is locked. So Emily grabs her door opener and opens the door. When she opens the door she finds her mom lying on the floor. (She assumes that her mom dies) So she decided to live alone for 3 years. But then the cops come and arrest Emily. Because they think Emily killed her mother. Then she gets adopted by her aunt and she learns that in her family the men and women fight each other. After about a year of being in the “women gang” the women get attacked by the men. Emily was hanging out with Teah and Jen because they were having a girls night. Then the men When the men burst into the room where Emily, Jen, and Teah are Emily blocks Teah and Jen with her body. Then Emily shot both of the men killing them, but before Emily killed the men had shot Emily on the leg and in the head. Causing Emily to faint right after killing the men. Emily then wakes up in a hospital with her boyfriend and brother next to her. “Emily! You’re awake!” Her boyfriend says shocked and her brother was happy. But when Emily tried to talk to her boyfriend and her. Brother, she opened her mouth but she couldn’t talk. She learns that she has become a “mute patient.” (Someone who can still hear and see but can’t talk or communicate with the people around them.) What happens when Emily finds out she’s pregnant? Will the baby a mute too?
That’s the full thing.

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Omgg that actually a really cool and creative plottt. Can’t wait to read the storyy

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So, the whole men against women fight is only a dream? Was the note from her father also a dream? :ok_woman:
I don’t get the plot tbh… so it’s basically about being mute and getting pregnant?:thinking:

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I’m am both interested but confused and the pregnancy part kind of ruins it and the baby possibly being mute because of the Mum doesn’t make sense to me¿

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It sounds interesting. I hope you get to create the story.

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No,it’s not a dream.

So the Emily(age7) Mom dies and her dad leaves the family. So she gets adopted by her aunt. Then when she is older she learns about the war between men and women in her family. When Emily turned 16 she had to train to be in the war when she turned 18. One day Teah and Chloe(the aunts daughters) we hanging out with Emily when the men decide to attack the women. The men burst into the room the Emily,Teah and Chloe are in. Emily being the only able to protect th from the men. Pulls out a gun but gets shot in the leg but one of the men and then shot on the head. Emily kills both the men then faints. When Emily wakes up she try’s to talk to her Boy friend and brother but finds out she can’t speak of communicate at all. Then about an hour later the doctor comes in an tells Emily she is a mute and she’s pregnant.

Should I just remove the pregnancy and baby. That part is only in planning so I can scrap it. What do you think? Should I just remove it fully?

I personally think you should remove the pregnancy because it doesn’t really fit into the plot.

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Ok. I will do that now and resend if on here! Thanks for the feedback!

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This is my plot for my story. For clue. This story is about this girl named Emily(currently 7) wakes up and goes downstairs to find a note from her dad saying that he has decided to leave the family. When Emily goes upstairs to tell her mom about her dad leaving the family, she finds out that her parent’s bedroom is locked. So Emily grabs her door opener and opens the door. When she opens the door she finds her mom lying on the floor. (She assumes that her mom dies) So she decided to live alone for 3 years. But then the cops come and arrest Emily. Because they think Emily killed her mother. Then she gets adopted by her aunt and she learns that in her family the men and women fight each other. After about a year of being in the “women gang” the women get attacked by the men. Emily was hanging out with Teah and Jen because they were having a girls night. Then the men When the men burst into the room where Emily, Jen, and Teah are Emily blocks Teah and Jen with her body. Then Emily shot both of the men killing them, but before Emily killed the men had shot Emily on the leg and in the head. Causing Emily to faint right after killing the men. Emily then wakes up in a hospital with her boyfriend and brother next to her. “Emily! You’re awake!” Her boyfriend says shocked and her brother was happy. But when Emily tried to talk to her boyfriend and her. Brother, she opened her mouth but she couldn’t talk. She learns that she has become a “mute patient.” (Someone who can still hear and see but can’t talk or communicate with the people around them.)

Is this better?

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  • What is the clue?
  • What is the mystery?
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The mystery is if the mom is really dead.

And the clue? You don’t have to say it, if it will spoil your story. However, just make sure you have one in mind.

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Her Aunt looks at her and says, you have to come live with me, Emily declines and says she has to stay in the house, just in case her dad and brother come back, her aunt tells her she can’t live on her own as she is too young, she tells her she will be better off with her and her cousins, Teah and Chloe. She gathers her things, but before she leaves, she puts the necklace her brother gave her with a note, saying Aunty, then with her Aunt she walks out the door. Maybe before she blacks out she sees the necklace again, which means her brother has found her?

The mystery is if the mom is really dead. The clue that the dad seems to be very violent with anyone he dates. So Emily thinks her dad killed her mom.

Do you think that is good?

Emily goes down to the kitchen and grabs a drink of water, she discovers a note on the kitchen table, it is from her Dad, it reads, “I have taken Ethan with me, I am leaving, I have had enough of this”. Emily’s hand trembles as she reads it, she quickly runs upstairs with the note still in her hand, she goes to her mother’s room but finds the door closed, she calls out to her Mum but nothing, she tries the door handle only to discover it is locked, she bangs on the door, crying for her mother. She decides to try to break the door down, with little energy she has left, she charges for the door and it busts open, as the door opens she falls to the floor and that is when she notices her mother lying on the ground, she rushes over, wincing in pain from barging the door, she gently shakes her mother and calls out her name, she puts her ear to her mouth to feel if she is breathing, there is nothing. Upon gathering her thoughts and a part of her still wanting to save her mother, she contacts the police and also rings her Aunt, because her mother said if she was ever in trouble to always ring her Aunt. An hour goes past before finally the police arrive, followed by her Aunt, the Aunt takes Emily in her arms, a police officer, standing by, saying he needs to ask some questions, Emily tells the police how she found her mother, then she shows the policeman the note from her Dad. The aunt, being her Dad’s sister, looks away, maybe with the guilt of knowing what is going on, who knows, Emily will have to ask her that later. The police start the investigation, Emily and her Aunt sit on the couch watching several people come in and out of the house, before Emily finally sees her Mother being wheeled out on a stretcher, a bag covering her body her Aunt looks at her and says, you have to come to live with me, Emily declines and says she has to stay in the house, just in case her dad and brother come back, her aunt tells her she can’t live on her own as she is too young, she tells her she will be better off with her and her cousins, Teah and Jen. She gathers her things, but before she leaves, she puts the necklace her brother gave her with a note, saying Aunty, then with her Aunt she walks out the door. Have to find somehow to make it flow from previous scenes, like maybe the aunt isn’t blood related she is called that because Emily was told to name her that, maybe she knows Emily’s mum and dad because before Ethan and Emily were born, their parents got messed up in the gang world and maybe the mum fell pregnant with Ethan so chose to leave the gang world but when you are in a gang world and decide to leave, there are always consequences, so this ‘aunt’ takes her in her home, and that is when Emily discovers what life is like for a gang, she tries to leave several times, but they convince her to stay for her own safety (rival gangs), so one of the women teaches her how to survive, i.e to shoot a gun, etc. Fast forward to when she is older and has become experienced and confident and then go on with what you said. I still don’t know clue yet, after helping you, I think the mystery is Ethan and Emily reuniting but how, I dropped a clue before with the necklace, hoping if her brother did come back he would know where she was, maybe before she blacks out she sees the necklace again, which means her brother has found her?
I have a different kind of plot for the same story. Maybe you guys could read it and tell which one you like better?

what…?

You left out a lot of details and when I had it read out bc i am lazy af It just made no sense! You didn’t introduce the bf, or the brother! Some of the things where just unrealistic! Like why would the father just leave a note, and why would she assume she is dead, with no emotion and decide to live alone! I think it needs sum more detail…

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