Can you read my plot of my story and tell me what you think?

there could be a tracker in the necklace, based on teh second plot

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The plot is only in the planning process. So it needs work. I am working to include details. Like the brother and boyfriend.

I put a second plot. Because it’s better and more realistic.And way better than the first one. But I only thought of the plot 2 days ago so I am working on it. If you have any suggestions let me know.

The story sounds super suspenseful, but I’m not sure about the part where Emily decides to live alone for three years. And how did Emily get pregnant if the woman and the man sides are sorta seperate?

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That was part of the first plot. Which I am deciding not to use. Read the second plot itas better.

Also, I put a bold note just now that the second plot is more recent.

Okay, bc that part got confusing!

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This is my plot for my story. For clue. This story is about this girl named Emily(currently 7) wakes up and goes downstairs to find a note from her dad saying that he has decided to leave the family. When Emily goes upstairs to tell her mom about her dad leaving the family, she finds out that her parent’s bedroom is locked. So Emily grabs her door opener and opens the door. When she opens the door she finds her mom lying on the floor. (She assumes that her mom dies) So she decided to live alone for 3 years. But then the cops come and arrest Emily. Because they think Emily killed her mother. Then she gets adopted by her aunt and she learns that in her family the men and women fight each other. After about a year of being in the “women gang” the women get attacked by the men. Emily was hanging out with Teah and Jen because they were having a girls night. Then the men When the men burst into the room where Emily, Jen, and Teah are Emily blocks Teah and Jen with her body. Then Emily shot both of the men killing them, but before Emily killed the men had shot Emily on the leg and in the head. Causing Emily to faint right after killing the men. Emily then wakes up in a hospital with her boyfriend and brother next to her. “Emily! You’re awake!” Her boyfriend says shocked and her brother was happy. But when Emily tried to talk to her boyfriend and her. Brother, she opened her mouth but she couldn’t talk. She learns that she has become a “mute patient.” (Someone who can still hear and see but can’t talk or communicate with the people around them.)

The mystery is if the mom is really dead. The clue that the dad seems to be very violent with anyone he dates. So Emily thinks her dad killed her mom.

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This is for the Clue Contest.

I find your plot interesting and good but I wonder how a seven year old can assume that her mother is dying and then just live for 3 years on her own? And then, how can a ten year old be arrested? I don’t know if this is ok in any country but where I live, a ten year old can’t be arrested :woman_shrugging:

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I am actually changing it. So I will send you some “improved” different part. Hold on.

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Emily goes down to the kitchen and grabs a drink of water, she discovers a note on the kitchen table, it is from her Dad, it reads, “I have taken Ethan with me, I am leaving, I have had enough of this”. Emily’s hand trembles as she reads it, she quickly runs upstairs with the note still in her hand, she goes to her mother’s room but finds the door closed, she calls out to her Mum but nothing, she tries the door handle only to discover it is locked, she bangs on the door, crying for her mother. She decides to try to break the door down, with little energy she has left, she charges for the door and it busts open, as the door opens she falls to the floor and that is when she notices her mother lying on the ground, she rushes over, wincing in pain from barging the door, she gently shakes her mother and calls out her name, she puts her ear to her mouth to feel if she is breathing, there is nothing. Upon gathering her thoughts and a part of her still wanting to save her mother, she contacts the police and also rings her Aunt, because her mother said if she was ever in trouble to always ring her Aunt. An hour goes past before finally the police arrive, followed by her Aunt, the Aunt takes Emily in her arms, a police officer, standing by, saying he needs to ask some questions, Emily tells the police how she found her mother, then she shows the policeman the note from her Dad. The aunt, being her Dad’s sister, looks away, maybe with the guilt of knowing what is going on, who knows, Emily will have to ask her that later. The police start the investigation, Emily and her Aunt sit on the couch watching several people come in and out of the house, before Emily finally sees her Mother being wheeled out on a stretcher, a bag covering her body her Aunt looks at her and says, you have to come to live with me, Emily declines and says she has to stay in the house, just in case her dad and brother come back, her aunt tells her she can’t live on her own as she is too young, she tells her she will be better off with her and her cousins, Teah and Jen. She gathers her things, but before she leaves, she puts the necklace her brother gave her with a note, saying Aunty, then with her Aunt she walks out the door. Have to find somehow to make it flow from previous scenes, like maybe the aunt isn’t blood related she is called that because Emily was told to name her that, maybe she knows Emily’s mum and dad because before Ethan and Emily were born, their parents got messed up in the gang world and maybe the mum fell pregnant with Ethan so chose to leave the gang world but when you are in a gang world and decide to leave, there are always consequences, so this ‘aunt’ takes her in her home, and that is when Emily discovers what life is like for a gang, she tries to leave several times, but they convince her to stay for her own safety (rival gangs), so one of the women teaches her how to survive, i.e to shoot a gun, etc. Fast forward to when she is older and has become experienced and confident and then go on with what you said. I still don’t know clue yet, after helping you, I think the mystery is Ethan and Emily reuniting but how, I dropped a clue before with the necklace, hoping if her brother did come back he would know where she was, maybe before she blacks out she sees the necklace again, which means her brother has found her?

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Is this better?

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Yeah definitely :relaxed:

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Ok!

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And this clue thing with the necklace is a good idea I think.

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Do you like the necklace or this one better?
The mystery is if the mom is really dead. The clue that the dad seems to be very violent with anyone he dates. So Emily thinks her dad killed her mom.

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Hmmm…Hard to decide. Would it be too much to put both in the story?

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By the way do you know what the earpiece for ink is called?

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Sorry what do you mean? :see_no_evil:Do you mean the accessoir?
Then it’s called “Ear Piece With Mic” or “Ear Bud”.

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