Check out my story my comedy story

Cinderella and The Four Knights

1 Like

Hey I read to it the story and I wanted to give some feedback. This is just to help improve you and not to attack you. So I think you have a good story idea by turning Cinderella into a comedy. I think your biggest flaw is you rely on narration way too much. I lose interest in getting to know the characters because you told me everything about them and I still feel like I don’t know them well. I would recommend taking out the character introductions and narration and I would try to tell us about who the main character is through scene and dialogue. I hope this helped.

Also same as what I said before, let us get to know the knights, don’t tell us everything right away because then we have no reason to get to know them.

I already remove the introduction and I add cc for mc

Hi, I would love to support and do a read for reading!
Story title: Breaking the Cycle & Breaking the Cycle 2: Loyalty
Author: Making
Genre: Romance/Drama
Style: INK
Episodes: Season 1 (15) Season 2(3)
Story Description: Saniyah finally is getting her life on track and heading towards the right direction. Will she be able to succeed successfully and will she have someone to make new memories with? Find out if her past comes to taunt her or do she thrive on everything that stands in her way. 16+ (This story have choices)

Ok I will be reading Breaking the Cycle season 1 first