• Plot and writing style
Although the plot is about gangs, it is not cliché. I usually don’t read gang stories, but I really liked yours. You show us why Roy becomes part of the gang and wht she wants revenge. She is a strong female character, but still with flaws. I really liked that. There is not many more things happening in the story, so I can’t write more.
What I disliked is that Roy and Noah cliked instantly. In the car we can see that Roy is not interested in him, but later she decides to go on a date with him. Maybe they had history but that wasn’t shown or mentioned.
It’s the same thing with Alec. He saw her in church and in the moment he saw Roy, he acted like she was his true love. How could he know that? I mean, she could get a good vibe from her, but she must at least talk two times with her to realize it. There’s also a line where he says that he can see Roy’s pain in her eyes. That doesn’t look really realistic to me — they just met each other!
Things are just happening so fast. In first two episodes she was training to be a sportist, but later her friend/lover is dead, she joins a gang, she gets new LI. I would love to see a little more description of the moment when Roy killed that man. Many things happened without an explanation. I suggest slowing down a bit, because reader can get lost.
I think it also would be nice to get inside Roy’s head sometimes. She’s been through much things and she had many dilemmas. For example, she had an opinion to join the gang. What was she thinking? How she felt? Did she hesitate? It would be interesting to see her thoughts.
The cover art is beautiful! I think that the font also matches nice. I’m obsessed with small cover.
I don’t really know what “shado” means, so I can’t write anything. It does sound mysterious, though.
I love the description! It fits with the story and sounds catchy. It really interested me in the story.
I didn’t notice any grammar mistakes. I just saw few sentences without fullstop.
What I noticed is that you repeat scene where Roy says “I need to become someone else” on the start of every episode. I think that it is supposed to be intro, but I would put it only on the beginning of first or second story. The intro with cover is enough, if you ask me.
I love your work with zooms. I liked that we weren’t able to see the faces of characters in the fight scene in the first episode. What I would suggest is that you also use zooms in conversations. So instead of this:
It could be like this:
Few times I noticed props missing. Examples:
In this scene, seeing gun is important!
Animations and transitions were great!
I also found this mistake:
It shouldn’t be zoomed like this, should it?
I loved the technique Jayden showed Roy. It’s very interesting.
I suggest making episodes 3-4 minutes longer.
I love the music and sounds choice!
Roy trying to act like tiger is interesting.