Welcome to Kay’s Review Thread!
In this thread, I’ll review your stories (ONLY FIRST EPISODE) whether published or not! Before requesting for a review, please read this full thread in order to not break any rules.
REMEMBER:
Do NOT confuse constructive criticism as hate. Anything I’ll say in the review is with no intentions of hating on you.
Do NOT request for me to read more episodes. I’ll only read the first episode and that’s it.
I will only take THREE REQUESTS at a time as I could get busy throughout the day.
Grammar is not included in the criteria because I do get grammar mistakes myself from time-to-time.
Fill the form neatly and orderly so that it’s easier to understand! (Refrain from using acronyms or slangs in the form.)
Please be patient when you request. I only post 2-3 reviews each day, so yours might take some time.
I close the form when I get 10+ pending requests, please understand that reviewing takes a lot of time to do.
CRITERIA FOR REVIEWING:
Directing = 20%
(Are there any errors? Is it advanced or basic? Does it have a WOW factor?)
Plot = 50%
(Is the story great? Is it unique? Does it make sense? Does it match the genre?)
Characters = 20%
(Are the characters bland? What are my first impressions on them? Would I get emotionally attached to them?)
Enthusiasm = 10%
(Would I continue reading it? Did I enjoy the episode? Did it have a cliffhanger?)
From the start, I could tell you have experience in advanced directing. I liked how you used the overlays to show the episode and the “To be continued…” at the end. I also liked the “character files” feature at the end! It really made your story stand out to me. However, the character file couldn’t open for me so I had to skip the opening scene.
I loved how you used the points system in the interrogation scene! It helped me feel like my choices would affect the story. At the same time, the custom overlays and backgrounds gave a nice touch to each scene! The flashbacks also looked amazing! However, the filters keep fading in. To prevent this, put in 0 at the end of your filter command.
Throughout the story, there wasn’t really any errors that I noticed. Just keep in mind that some readers may be using a tablet or an ipad so some of the characters may appear off-screen. Also when the music changes, the previous one just stops abruptly and the next one plays. I suggest making the music fade in and out so that the music would sound smooth. You can check some threads on how to do that.
Overall, the directing was amazing! It really impressed me, especially with how you used overlays.
Plot = 47%
From the start, the plot seemed interesting especially from the mystery vibe it had. It seems like it has a great potential to become a great story! The title also sounded interesting, and I liked how you used the title in the description.
Your story was also pretty unique in terms of kidnapping stories. The catfish-kind of plot is something that you don’t see that much here on Episode! It seemed pretty interesting too, so that gives points for uniqueness!
The story also made sense and everything lined up. However, I only had an issue with one thing, the romance. It seemed pretty awkward and out-of-place? I don’t think I would think, “That detective is pretty hot” in the midst of my friend being kidnapped and my life being in danger. Instead, try making it more subtle in the first episode just like the description from their second encounter. Then, as the story goes on, you could make them more close.
It says the genre is “Romance”, but I’m pretty sure it’s a bug from Episode because I’m experiencing the same thing. If I’m not mistaken, the genre would be mystery? It seems like the best fit for this story.
Overall, the plot is unique and interesting. Just change up the first encounter with the detective as I don’t think it’s realistic to think someone’s hot in the midst of a situation like that.
Characters = 19%
First of all, the characters definitely are NOT BLAND. They have character and personality. The mom has a sense of justice but she still cares for her daughter. Hannah seems pretty careless when it comes to online dating, but she also has a love for alcohol. Maya reacted in a realistic way in a kidnapping situation. And the other characters are amazing too! Just make the detective’s shirt tucked in since he’s at his job and he should be formal.
My first impression on your characters were pretty impressive. They stand out from each other and have their own personalities. They all have flaws too, and that’s important when making a character. Of course there isn’t much development yet because this is the first episode, they have a lot of potential to be great characters!
I believe I could get emotionally attached to them. They all seem like actual people, and they act like it too! If I continue reading more episodes, I’d definitely be attached to them. Other than that, I don’t have much to say.
Overall, the characters have personalities that make them stand out. They give a good impression on me and I could be emotionally attached to them!
Enthusiasm = 7%
I would definitely keep reading it! The plot seems interesting, the directing is advanced, and the characters are great too. These factors all affect whether or not I’d continue reading or not and you did great on them!
The first episode had the right amount of information to keep a reader going! It gave some backstory, but not too much. The narrations were amazing too! I especially like the feeling of mystery too. However, some parts seem rushed just like what I’ve mentioned earlier about the romance.
Don’t get me wrong here, I loved the episode. But I feel like the cliffhanger wasn’t that strong. It’s usually supposed to be something big, especially because it’s the first episode. You could have cliffhangers with this impact mid-story, but I feel like first episode cliffhangers should be the strongest as it would affect whether people will continue reading or not. The only thing that would want me continue reading is the factors I’ve stated earlier, but the cliffhanger should be a bit stronger in the first episode.
Overall, the episode was great and I would continue reading it. I enjoyed it very much but the cliffhanger should be stronger especially because it’s the first episode.
OVERALL SCORE: 92.5%
Regarding the instagram post, I’ll only post stories that are published. Sorry!
Your directing was pretty good! It involved tappable overlays in the dressing game (although it wasn’t yours), custom backgrounds, and meaningful choices! However, there are some slight pauses when the background is changed, especially in transitions. When the transition is happening, there are no characters in scene. Once the transition is finished, the characters suddenly appear. This may be because of the “@” command. Try using the “&” command for the characters and put the character coding BEFORE the transition to prevent these pauses. At the same time, the characters sometimes get stuck in awkward positions after doing their dialogue. To prevent this, put an “&CHARACTER is [insert desired animation]” before dialogues. Also, there is a zoom error in the intro because there wasn’t a zoom reset.
Based from the first episode, the directing level was slightly advanced. It wasn’t too basic nor was it super advanced. You included CC and that’s great! That includes the use of zooms, reader messages, and the points system. However, I felt like it was too silent in the background. Try adding some music or sound effects, especially in the prologue, to make it more lively.
Personally, the directing didn’t impress me that much. The dressing game impressed me a bit but it wasn’t your making. Don’t get me wrong, your story is good but the directing was pretty mild, this affected some of the enthusiasm too.
Overall, the directing was slightly advanced with the use of the points system and tappable overlays but wasn’t too advanced to the point where it really impressed me. Try changing some parts of your script too to avoid errors.
Plot = 49%
Now I don’t read much romance stories, but your story seems like it has a lot of potential to be a great one! The characters seem pretty great too! The prologue was amazing too, just add some music to make it more lively. However, try to show more instead of telling. Instead of telling the readers how a character acts and behaves, let the character show it instead.
In terms of uniqueness, this story is all about that! Most trending romance stories include bad boys, gangs, mafias but this doesn’t include any of that yet it’s still a great story. The setting of the story had a backstory towards it, which is something you don’t see in most romance stories.
Judging from the first episode, it definitely matches the genre! Romance is probably the only genre I could describe it with since they are some romance scenes in there. Other than that, I don’t have much to say.
Overall, the plot is interesting and great! It really stands out from other romance stories.
Characters = 20%
The characters are AMAZING! They have different personalities, and they all stand out from each other. Characters like these are what make stories interesting. Other than that, I don’t have much to say about the characters’ personalities.
My first impressions on the characters were pretty good! They each show a different personality, and they each have a different set of traits. I was really impressed with the characters you’ve made!
I would definitely be emotionally attached to them! They all seem like characters I would like. They all act realistically. The MC also had a great conflict she had to face, making the MC greater!
Overall, the characters are PERFECT!
Enthusiasm = 5%
I would continue reading it mainly due to the conflict the MC is facing. The characters and plot really stood out to me and that really affected whether I would continue reading it! I’m not a big fan of romance stories, but this has some potential to change that.
Now in terms of my enjoyment, it was unfortunately pretty low. I felt neutral throughout the episode and I was only impressed by the plot and characters. The silence also affected it since it didn’t feel as lively as I thought it would be.
The cliffhanger wasn’t that strong too. Like what I stated in the previous review, the cliffhangers should be the strongest in the first episode since it affects whether the reader will continue or not. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t read much romance stories, but maybe adding a sub-genre could make your story better in a certain aspect? But if adding a sub-genre contradicts what you originally planned for, then stick with your original idea instead.
Overall, my enjoyment was unfortunately low for the first episode. Adding music and sound effects could make it more lively or making the cliffhanger a bit stronger could to.
OVERALL SCORE: 89%
I’ll do a shoutout for your story in my Instagram right now!
To everyone who have requested but have not gotten their reviews yet, your reviews have unfortunately been cancelled. This is because school is starting soon in my country so I don’t think I’d have enough time to continue this review thread anymore.
I hope you all understand and I am very sorry for disappointing you guys by cancelling your requests!
Can’t wait for the review! Sleep well 
